Peeping at Sanya Hotel

1, w: What are you to me? M: I am your friend. W: So I just drink milk tea. M: You can throw it away after drinking it.

2. There was a knotty thing before me, and I didn't cherish it. When I lost it, I regretted it The most painful thing in the world is this. If God can give me another chance, I will say three words to you: "Pay back the money". If I have to add a deadline to this account, I hope to pay it off within one day!

The Tangshan earthquake told us not to sleep too early at night, the Wenchuan earthquake told us not to take a nap at noon, and the Ya 'an earthquake told us not to sleep late in the morning. Three earthquakes tell us that sleeping naked is the worst!

It seems that no matter where you move, there is a standard neighbor who likes to chop meat in the early morning, one likes to drag furniture in the middle of the night and the other likes to drill in the early morning on weekends. Please observe three minutes of silence for those who feel the same way.

While watching TV, I saw a group of Japanese devils entering the city. One of them said, why is there no one? Are they going to close the door and beat the dog? Another scolds: What do you mean, close the door and beat the dog? Are we dogs? This should be called catching turtles in a jar. ...

6. A gentleman was studying in Japan, and a friend asked him, "Why don't you find someone in Japan?" He said, "I always feel uncomfortable!" " The friend asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "once we get it back, everyone knows. What shall we do?"

7. Xiao Li went to Japan for a business trip last month and specially brought a gift to his boss: Boss, I brought you a mobile hard disk on this business trip. Boss: I can't accept gifts. Xiao Li replied: You're welcome. This is my trip to Japan, and I brought you local products.

8. A student didn't go to study in the evening and was late the next day. The teacher talked to him. Teacher: Why didn't you come to class last night? Student: My father came back from outside last night, and my mother wouldn't let me go. Teacher: Then why are you late again today? Student: My mother got up late, so I was late without being called. Teacher: OK, you go back first.

9. The school is very strict. One day, the aunt of the boarding dormitory stormed into the girls' dormitory and said, "Are there two men hiding in your dormitory?" Six girls were angry because we were the only ones there. One of the women said fiercely, "How can two men feed six of us?"

10. My friend works in a courier company. One day, a monk came to pick up the courier. He asked his master what was in the package. The monk said it was a scripture. The friend sighed and said a word. With the development of science and technology, classics are sent by express delivery.

1 1, I want to be lazy and prepare two omelets for my baby. My mother said, make more. Let's eat this. I added ingredients, and my mother said, "Make more. In the evening, when your father and others come back for dinner, let's eat egg rolls. " . I added more ingredients, filled a pot and cooked it for two hours. Mom said: you eat first, and we will eat again after 24 hours without adverse reactions. I decided to go to my mother when the weather is warm after the Chinese New Year!

12. When I got off by taxi last night, I said to the crash: I have no money. Shall I write "bon voyage" for you? The driver said, are you crazy? I smiled proudly: you are the first person to recognize me.

13, "So, how did the murderer let his wife die of myocardial infarction caused by obesity?" The medical examiner asked the inspector. "It's simple," said the inspector. "The murderer said to the victim, I think the way you eat is particularly cute."

14, a friend surnamed Wan said: In the future, children's names must be atmospheric. Especially when children call the roll at school! The circle of friends was lost in thought. Suddenly a voice replied: Long live Grandpa!

15, my wife has two choices in her recent job, one is leisure and low salary, the other is competition and difficulties, but the salary is high. She asked me doubtfully. I searched my mind's motto about wealth and danger, cleared my throat and said to her: German proverb says that meat close to bones is the best. Do you understand what I mean? Hearing this, she said happily, Emma hasn't eaten a spine with sauce for a long time. Why don't you buy it tomorrow?

16. On the bus, a lady got up and asked me to sit down. I thought she was getting off, so I sat down naturally. As a result, I was getting off the bus and found that she didn't mean to get off at all! I suddenly understood something! In order not to let her think she was mistaken, I tried to act like a pregnant woman when I got off the bus.

17, I have a five-year-old son who is an idiot. One day I took him home and heard him and a little boy in the same class say, "Let's get married when we grow up." The boy said, "OK, but we can't have children." The son said, "It's not as good as a child! No children are worried! "

18, a segment y; M: Is it tight? Woman: A little! Man: Do you want to sit down? Woman: No, that's good! Man: May I come in? Woman: Yes, it's quite comfortable! Man: Well, all right, boss! We want these shoes!

19, the farthest distance: diaosi plays Tetris at home, and Gao Fushuai plays Russian roulette in Macau; Diaosi watches movies at home, and Gao Fushuai shows movies at the hotel; Diaosi is worried about H7N9 at home, but Gao Fushuai is worried about HIV in Sanya.

20. During the training of recruits in a military region, a recruit was addicted to smoking and saw an old man watering flowers at the door. Just shout: Grandpa, buy me a pack of cigarettes. Grandpa said: Isn't smoking forbidden? The recruit said: nothing. I can't find it. Do me a favor. Northeasters are all living Lei Feng. So grandpa helped him. At dinner in the evening, the company commander cursed: Who asked the company commander to help buy cigarettes, or did all the people in the Northeast live Lei Feng? Funny? I wish you happiness!

2 1. The two key words in the village chief's speech are: "Sexy!" Sex: necessity, importance, long-term, arduousness and complexity. Sense: sense of mission, responsibility, crisis, urgency and honor. One thing to add: a leader's speech is also like calling a bed: yes, yes, no, and … share a joke and wish a friend happiness.

22. A friend took the IELTS test, and then in the oral test, he habitually said "My God" when he got the oral expression question. As a result, the examiner knew a little Chinese and asked him what he meant. He said that "the sun" means that China people use the power of the sun to motivate themselves.

In the physics self-study class, the students are doing their homework. The teacher said, "Ask me if you have any questions!" A classmate pointed to Newton's curly hair in the book: "Teacher, where did Newton's hair get permed?"

I went to Japan on business last month and brought gifts to everyone in the department when I came back. I went to dinner with my boss today: "Boss, I didn't bring you anything special on this business trip, so I'll give you a mobile hard disk." "No, I'm not, and I can't accept gifts." "You're welcome. This is a local product I brought to Japan. "

25. My wife took a solid peach pit: "My husband helped me bite it open." So I put it in my mouth and bit it open for her. She shouted with joy: "You are still awesome! Mao Mao (my dog) hasn't bitten for a long time. " After that, he ran and shouted: "Mao Mao, come and eat, I will open it for you!"

26. I've seen you get out of bed and stare at it. I often call and send messages to you, tolerate your desire to buy, run around for what you want, care about your whereabouts more than anyone else, and always say hello to you "Are you at home?". Everything must be given to you in person, and you can feel at ease when you accept it, so for your man, only express delivery is available.

27. When summer comes, there are many more stockings on the road. Some show beautiful legs, some show novel stockings, and some show courage. Today, I met a short and thick man who went upstairs in a miniskirt and stockings. Seeing me downstairs, I quickly pressed my skirt with my hand. I want to say: you overestimate your own beauty and underestimate the character of others.

28. My classmates and I bought chicken fillet from the vendor at the school gate. When my classmates came to buy it, they suddenly remembered something and shouted: Bird flu is prevalent, so you can't eat chicken! So, not going to buy it and leave, the stall owner stopped her excitedly: beauty! Our chicken fillet is flour and never mixed with chicken. Don't worry.

29. I received a text message: "Today 15: 3 1, my wife is going to sleep with someone else's husband. I have to wait happily for washing, changing clothes and taking a bath. I can't help but let him carry a gun. " I can't understand why there are such cheap people. Later, when I saw the sender, oh, wow, there is such good news about giving birth!

30. My girlfriend and I are in the same class in the same university. Yesterday, the head teacher's (male's) wife had a miscarriage. The teacher was all kinds of sadness, and the students were all kinds of comfort. Suddenly, my girlfriend said, don't be sad, the teacher is all about participation. I'm completely devastated.

3 1, there is a beautiful single policewoman, because she is afraid that it is too dangerous to live alone, so she keeps a vicious dog for self-defense. One day, when the beautiful policewoman was taking a bath, a fire broke out. The policewoman hurriedly put on a bath towel to escape from the fire, but she felt embarrassed without underwear, so the policewoman called the big dog to let the dog smell her nakedness, hoping that the dog could go back to the room and take out a pair of underwear according to her taste. The dog's nose is really good. It quickly picked up the thickest and longest baton that the policewoman hung in the closet.

32. There are boarding schools, and each bed has a tip. Out of this school, either women or eunuchs.

33. In high school, my deskmate was a wonder. When reading a novel in geography class, the geography teacher walked off the platform. Originally, the teacher didn't see anything, just walked past him calmly. As a result, the child threw the novel into the corridor when he was excited. I still can't forget the expression of the teacher's "lion roar" at that time.

Everyone likes compliments from others, just as they need water and air. In fact, praise does not need to be unexpected, superior, nor much, as long as it is "accurate". Judgments vary from person to person. "Praise" is timely and can make the relationship between people more harmonious. Dude, you're amazing. You are so arrogant!

35. When dung beetles got married, other dung beetles pushed a dung ball to congratulate him. Dung beetles: It's very kind of you. Come as soon as you come, and bring so many gifts. Other dung beetles: Yes, it should be. This is everyone's shit money. Dung beetles said to the bride: It's good to get married. You don't have to start work for half a year.

36. Teacher: You are too careless to write "the heart has spirit" as "the heart has spirit". Xiaoming: Diarrhea is shit. They are synonyms with the same meaning. Don't be angry. Teacher: It's really a boy who can't teach. Xiaoming: I am also a Confucian scholar and a student of Confucius. You can teach or not. I have paid the tuition anyway.

37. Ask your girlfriend today. Do you know what this is? She took one look and said, "Don't tell me about chemistry, I don't understand." Then I was speechless and said, this is chromatid, biology, not chemistry. This guy proudly said, "now you know how bad my chemistry is!" "

38. Blind date is broadcast live. Woman: "I have a wide range of hobbies. I have passed Grade 9 piano, Grade 7 accordion, Grade 6 English, Grade 4 chef and Grade 2 computer. What about you? " Man: "Oh, I copied porn."

39. A female friend owes money for a long time, and I am embarrassed to mention it. I praise her on QQ 10 every night. After praising her 13 1 times, I received her message saying: Give me the card number and I will pay you back tomorrow. Don't praise me in the future. During this time, my boyfriend always asks me who praises you on time every day. Haha, you don't owe me money. Who praises you for being a fool?

40. When I was shopping today, suddenly a girl came up to me with a stack of paper and pens and said, Sir, if you don't mind, can I ask two questions? I thought about it and said, yes. How old are you? What's your name?

These are humorous QQ messages.