The funniest joke in the world

Super funny~~~~~ Come and take a look, it will put you in a good mood!

(1)

A patient came to a psychiatrist.

Patient: I always feel that I am a bird.

Doctor: Oh. That’s very serious. When did it start?

Patient: Since I was a little bird.

(2)

A doctor at a mental hospital asked the patient: What would happen to you if I cut off one of your ears?

The patient replied: Then I would not be able to hear.

The doctor listened: Yeah, that's normal.

The doctor asked again: What would happen if I cut off your other ear?

Then A patient replied: Then I won’t be able to see.

The doctor became nervous. How could he not be able to see?

The patient replied: Because the glasses will fall off.

(3)

Two mental patients escaped from the hospital.

The two ran and ran and climbed into a tree.

One of the people jumped down from the tree.

Rolling and rolling.

Then he raised his head and said to the person above: Hey------what are you doing? Still not coming down---------?

The man above answered him: No---ok---ah------

I'm not yet familiar with it -----------

(4)

There is an old lady in the mental hospital.

Wear black every day clothes, holding a black umbrella.

Squatting at the door of the mental hospital.

The doctor thought: To cure her, he must start by understanding her.

So the doctor also wore black clothes and held a black umbrella and squatted there with her.

The two squatted in silence for a month.

The old lady finally spoke to the doctor:

Excuse me-------

Are you---also a shiitake mushroom------?

(5)

A certain mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the director convened a meeting with the patients. At the meeting, the director said: "This afternoon , there are very important leaders coming to visit, and everyone should go to the door to welcome them. During the welcome, all the patients stand on both sides of the hospital door, and they must stand neatly. When I cough, everyone applauds together, the more enthusiastic it is. Okay; I must stop when I stamp my feet, and no one can make a mistake. As long as everyone is done, we can eat meat buns for everyone tonight. As long as one person messes up, everyone will have no buns to eat, remember? "The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember!"

That afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he walked into the door, the welcoming patients were already standing at the door. As the director coughed, all the patients applauded and the atmosphere was very warm. Infected by the warm atmosphere, the visiting leaders walked into the hospital with a smile and applauded together with everyone. Seeing that the leaders had already entered the hospital, the director With a stamp of his feet, all the applause stopped, very neatly. Only this leader was still applauding and moving forward with a smile on his face. The dean felt very satisfied.

Suddenly, he burst out from the welcoming crowd. A patient who was as strong as Schwarzenegger strode up to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face, and shouted angrily - "You don't want to eat steamed buns anymore?" ! ! ! "

(6)

Psychiatrist A stole the phone number book from the nurse's office back to the ward. He asked B: "What do you think of the novel I completed recently?"

B looked at it and replied: "Not bad, but there are just too many characters."

At this time, the nurse from the mental hospital came in and said: "Please put the phone number book Put it back! ”

(7)

A doctor at a mental hospital is preparing to talk to a mentally ill patient who is about to be discharged.

Talk to someone to confirm whether the patient has fully recovered.

Doctor: What are you going to do after you are discharged from the hospital?

Patient: Use rocks to smash all the window glass in your hospital.

After hearing this, the doctor found that the patient had not fully recovered, so he decided to continue treatment. A few more days

A few months later, the doctor felt that the patient seemed ready to be discharged from the hospital, so he decided to talk to him again.

Doctor: What are you going to do after you are discharged from the hospital?

Patient: Find a job.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: Make money.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: Save money.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: Marry a wife.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: The bridal chamber.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: Take off her clothes.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: Take off her pants.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: Take off her underwear.

Doctor: What next?

Patient: Take out the rubber bands from your underwear, make a slingshot, and find some rocks to smash all the window glass in your hospital.

(8)

Two mental patients A and B recovered at the same time. Their attending doctor said to them: "If one of you gets sick, the other one will send him to the hospital immediately."

Suddenly one day, the doctor's phone rang. It turned out to be Mr. A: "It's terrible. Mr. B has been crawling in my toilet since this morning. He must be my toilet." "Hurry, hurry him up." "Send it over!" Mr. A was silent for a moment: "Then...don't I have a toilet?"

(9)

In the mental hospital, there is a mental patient every day. Fishing in an empty fish tank.

One day, a nurse asked jokingly: "How many fish did you catch today?"

The mental patient suddenly jumped up and shouted: "Your brain There is something wrong, didn’t you see the empty fish tank?”

(10)

There is a mental hospital where many mental patients live.

One day, there The director of the hospital, in order to see the recovery of the patients, came up with a way. He told these patients, "You all come here." He drew a door on the wall and said, "Today, whoever opens this door will be the winner." You can go home."

When the mentally ill patients heard this, they swarmed up and surrounded the door of the painting. The dean was very disappointed. At this time, he found that a patient was still sitting in the original position. He didn't move. He thought it was okay, so he stepped forward and asked, "Why don't you open the door?"

He looked at the dean and said something. After hearing this, the dean didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

p>

The patient secretly told the director: "I have the key."

(11)

There is a mental hospital, and two mentally ill patients can be discharged. , but the director was afraid that they would commit the crime again, so he warned them: "If any of you commits the crime again, the other one must call the hospital to inform the hospital, otherwise he will not be allowed to be discharged!"

They all agreed. .

One day, the hospital suddenly received a call, "Hey! Hello! Hello! My companion suddenly ran to the table and said he was a lamp!"

"Oh no! Why don't you send him back quickly?"

"But if I send him back, I won't have a lamp!"

"..."

(12)

Patients in hospital psychiatric departments often have admiration for doctors or nurses.

One day, a female patient came to a male doctor ...

Female patient: Doctor Lan, do you love me?

Dr. Lan thought for a long time (in order not to hurt the patient and avoid worsening of the condition)

Dr. Lan: Our relationship is between doctor and patient. Because you are sick, I

I must take good care of you...

(In order not to hurt the patient, Doctor Lan explained for a long time and finally finished)

Female patient: Doctor Lan, what do you mean? You don't love me?

Doctor Lan (thinking hard): Hmm... um... um...

Female patient: Fortunately... I love Dr. Chen...

1 The "new queen" sang rock and roll at the top of her lungs in the dormitory: "I want to change, I want to make a big change..." The "bookworm" who was reading suddenly raised his head and asked in surprise: "The toilet is not Is it vacant? ”

2 The men’s and women’s bathhouses in the school go to the same door, so students of the opposite sex often meet, which is quite embarrassing. One day, the bookworm walked to the door and met a school girl walking out in a sloppy state. The bookworm couldn't dodge and said hello: "Are there many people in there?"

3 Once I had dinner with my friends in a restaurant. We sat there waiting for the waiter to serve us our food. After that, a beggar came up with a bowl and walked up to my friend's back and touched him gently, imagining that he was asking for money. My friend was chatting with me, and he thought it was the waiter who was bringing the food, but he didn't turn around, took the rice bowl from the beggar's hand, and put it in front of him. We were all stunned when we saw the beggar there, and he even wanted to cry without tears (I beat him to death

I never imagined that there would be people snatching jobs)~~~

4 I had a buddy in college I met a beautiful woman on campus and fell in love with her at first sight, and I was obsessed with her every day. One day at noon when he and I went out to eat, the beautiful woman was passing by. My buddy immediately pulled me to follow her. He saw the beautiful woman entering a restaurant, so we sat in too. I advised

my buddy: "You are already a senior, so hurry up~" So he mustered up the courage, walked forward, suppressed his blush and asked: "Classmate, what is your name?" That beauty

The woman looked at my buddy in shock: "My name is beef noodles." The guy was so stupid at the time, and I burst out laughing!

5 Tongtong asked his mother: "Why do you call Mr. Jiang 'ancestor'?" Mom said: "Because 'ancestor' is a name for the dead."

Tongtong said: "Should those deceased grandmothers be called 'Fresh Milk'?"

6 A brother in the past dormitory suddenly sat up at 4 o'clock in the morning and shouted, "Get up quickly, you are late for class." "Now!" Then two people immediately got up to put on their clothes. I was playing on PC at the time.

7 One night after eating the bitter melon that I hate the most, I said: "XXX (my mother's name), why don't you make me bitter melon again

Death..." He may have yelled loudly at that time, and my mother who was sleeping in the other pavilion heard it. The next morning, she angrily interrogated me.

..... I had a crazy K-fight... It can be said that I was beaten while hanging...

8 A classmate went horse riding during the day and was still excited at night. Later, We fell asleep and we played cards. After a while, the man said: Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive!

Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive!!!!

9 There was a classmate who liked to smoke while pooping. He just came out of the toilet and said loudly to us: "Ah~~it feels so good to smoke while smoking"

Crazy

Before 10, the first thing I said when I returned to the dormitory was: "Is there anyone who can call me?"

11 Once, I had a quarrel with my roommate in the dormitory, and he said he couldn't beat me. Beat and scold "You are my grandfather's son!" "The whole dormitory laughed wildly after a second of silence!

12 When I was a child, I had a stomachache after eating something bad. The next day I wrote a sick note to the teacher: "Teacher, I ate something bad yesterday and my stomach feels uncomfortable.

After taking it, I had diarrhea and vomiting in the morning. . .

"Cold, I don't know what the teacher thinks.

13 Once, I was eating at home with my cousin. I accidentally poured the soup and ran out of tissue paper. My cousin hurriedly shouted, "Hurry, hurry, go get some toilet paper." Toilet

14's deskmate dropped something on the floor. He bent down to pick it up and stepped on it with his feet. Unexpectedly, he stepped on his hand and he was furious: "How dare you step on my feet?!"

15 When I was in high school, classroom discipline was chaotic. The teacher grabbed XXX in anger and said: XXX, stand on the wall! ~~~~~~~~~~The whole class was furious

Han~~~

16 There was a time when a foreign teacher showed Mandarin while giving a lecture in a large classroom. I originally wanted to give him face, I praised him for speaking Mandarin very well, but the way he said it became your standard Mandarin. He spoke very well, Han, and people laughed at me.

17 and MM were in front of a stall selling soy milk and fried dough sticks. I shouted: "Boss, I want a piece of fried dough sticks with soy milk." MM burst into laughter.

18 My high school Chinese teacher said during class: You guys are like a dead cat meeting a blind mouse. . . The whole room burst into laughter!

20 There were so many people in the restaurant, I shouted loudly: Boss, please have some chili without seasoning. . . . The waiter also repeated loudly: Table 11, add some chili without seasoning! ! ! . . .

21 Me: That’s our physics teacher. . .

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . .

Before 22’s mother went out to play mahjong, she said to me: “Put all your clothes in the refrigerator and pick up all the vegetables in the washing machine~~~~~

23 My girl was out shopping! Suddenly she saw a crow flying in the sky, so she said: "Oh, this frog flies so low!" I fainted

24 I always make this mistake...because I talk a lot

One time in junior high school, when I was reading a text, it was XX wandering in the corridor, so I read it as XX is in Lewdness in the corridor...the teacher's face turned red.

When I went out with my classmates in high school, there was a China Everbright Bank next to the school. It had just opened, so the red cloth was still hanging on the sign... but the cloth was already there

The Chinese characters were blocked... I pronounced it as "Guoguang Bank"... My classmates laughed like crazy, and I couldn't hold my head up for several years!

25 A person in our dormitory had to pee after drinking too much, and then he made a cold remark: If you drink too much pee, you will have too much wine. ．

On the 26th, I once listened to the radio. It was some kind of shopping guide hotline. When someone called in, the host asked him: "What is your surname?"

He replied: "No surname is required. Your Majesty!~~~~~"

Buying oranges at 27, the boss: one yuan and five pounds. Me: It’s too expensive. It costs five yuan for three pounds. Boss: No, no.

28 To the grandmother who reacted quickly: The day you were sitting on the bus, the 252 driver made an emergency brake. You lost your center of gravity and rushed out, and actually asked the driver:

“Look for me. What's the matter?"

29 To my dear students: Although instructor, I am really busy, but if you see me in the toilet, please don't say to me: "Instructor, you are so busy and you have to do it yourself

Go to the bathroom! ”

It was very hot for 30 days, but the school had a power outage from day to 10 o’clock at night. Our girls’ dormitory was very quiet at night. Everyone was enjoying the cool air on the balcony, boys

The dormitory was very lively. After a commotion, the boys seemed to have reached some kind of consciousness. They only heard an organized shout from the opposite corridor: "Incoming call, incoming call"

Call , we are going to call!" About 10 minutes later, the school actually called. There was a burst of cheers from the opposite side, and the dormitory area became calm.

It was not until the lights-out time at 11 o'clock in the evening that the boys were due to a power outage. The time was too short, and they started shouting in unison again: "Delay, delay, we need to delay!"

The school, which has always been strict, actually agreed to this group of people's unreasonable demands and extended it for the first time. The time of the call.

Just as we were getting ready to take a break, something happened that I will never forget. Maybe the boys were too excited, because their two normally could not

The request was actually fulfilled by the school, so... a more organized and powerful voice came from the boys' dormitory opposite:

"Women... ..Women...We want women!!!"

31 If a tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill!

32 A friend asked me about my computer Configuration, I said the monitor is a color screen. (Originally I wanted to talk about LCD)

A high school classmate of class 33 (a boy) walked into the noodle shop and flipped his hair coolly: "Boss, 2 liang of green onions and no rice noodles!" After that, he added:

"Please order more rice noodles!" Boss: "... Do you want rice noodles or green onions?"

34. One time, the mother of a classmate in the dormitory called me.

I'm used to saying "He's not here", but this time what I want to say is "He's gone out"

The result is: "He's... gone"

p>

35. Everyone in high school is given a name badge. . Before a check-up, the head teacher ran to the classroom and shouted loudly, everyone, put on your bras and come check them out. . The whole place was silent. . .

36. One time my uncle saw my sister-in-law applying Dabao and suddenly shouted: "Your skin is so good, why do you still use Dabao?"

37. My dormitory A high school classmate of a classmate called and asked who he was looking for. I said he wasn't here and then said thank you.

38. Someone came to my aunt's house as a guest before and she just walked in. It happened that my aunt had to go to the toilet. She quickly greeted the guests and said: "You guys sit down.

Sit down. I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" The car is not big. Once, after I got on the bus, there was no seat. A male colleague sitting next to me quickly stood up and greeted her enthusiastically: "So-and-so, you sit on my butt." Let’s go!” I was laughing until I got out of the car~!

40. When I was in college, a classmate and I were arguing about an issue. We were at a disadvantage for a moment. In desperation, he slammed the table and stood up and shouted: You are talking nonsense, I am not stupid!

I am not stupid!

41. A buddy of mine went on a blind date. When he came back, everyone asked him how he was. The buddy said: This girl is really rough. At lunch time, two people entered a beef ramen restaurant. The girl said loudly to the chef: Hey, give me two bowls of ramen~~~ The chef said: Do you want to eat? I poop when I eat.

42. When I was a child, people who sold popsicles and ice cream usually pushed bicycles to sell them. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: The new ice cream is hot.

(I guess my aunt used to sell fried cakes and fried dough sticks)

43 Once the leaders of the Education Bureau inspected the recess exercises. After the end, the physical education teacher was supposed to announce the "disbandment", but in a hurry, he forgot the words and choked up.

For a long time, I shouted: "Retreat!"

44. When I was in college, I went to Hengshan. I was half way up the mountain and was tired when I was about to take a break when I saw the road. There was an Obasan who was buying souvenirs next to him.

He went up and asked: "My wife..."

45. During self-study, everyone was there Watching the review, GG said to MM: "I just memorized the words, help me write them silently." MM didn't want to be silent, so GG begged her, please (touch) silence me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't bear it anymore and shouted, "Teacher, look, I don't want to (touch) him silently, but he insists on me (touching) silently~~~!" ! !

46. One day I went to a classmate’s house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He originally wanted to call her uncle, but he made the mistake of saying, “Dad,”

Come and take a seat!”~~Han! Most of my classmates were laughing so hard

47. When my colleague was arguing with someone, he got anxious and said, "Do you think I grew up eating?" I have always wondered what he grew up eating. "

48. When I was in primary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. If I refused, he would stalk me. After that, I yelled with all my strength

"I won't marry (lend) to you" At that time, the students immediately became quiet,,,.

49. Once at a ktv, when I asked for a song, a girl shouted loudly: Order a song for me. "Double Jaylen"...

50. I spit on your face!

51 I went to work this morning to catch the bus and arrived at the station. By that time, the car had started, so I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me!" Master, wait for me!

At this time, a passenger stuck his head out of the car window and said to me: "Wukong, please stop chasing me." "

52 A customer ran into the tailor shop angrily.

Pointing to the fashion design designed for him by the shop owner, he said: "I stood on the corner of the street and yawned, and the two of them stuffed the letter into the shop. In my mouth! "

53 A primary school student participated in the school's recitation competition for the first time. She was very nervous. The teacher encouraged her for a long time, but her palms were still sweaty. Finally it was her turn. The primary school student gritted her teeth and walked to the center of the stage in a few steps. : Teachers and classmates, the title of my recitation is: The red leaves are crazy (maple)... (the maple leaves are red)

54 When I was still a primary school student, I saw that the teacher asked me to read a composition. I am very envious of my classmates and always hope that the teacher will let me read it.

The opportunity has finally come.

So-and-so, read your composition to everyone!

The primary school student stood up and said: "My Teacher". Teacher, I look so much like your mother...

55 is a student of a song and dance troupe this time. A poor host.

She came on stage in a hurry without preparing properly. It was her turn to announce: Audience friends, please listen.

(Du)zi flute playing...

56 My family often plants green onions in pots in winter to keep them fresh and tender. My sister saw it when she came home during the Chinese New Year and told me with joy. Mom

said: Hey! Mom, this is so thick... My mother and I both laughed.

There is a neighbor I call Auntie every day. Riding a bicycle to work. In the morning, I met her at the door and said politely: Shanggu,

Taipan... Bah!

58 A female classmate was feeling sorry for herself one day, and suddenly turned to the person behind her and said: Is my chest hair beautiful? She was shocked and said: Oh, I am

I want to ask if my eyebrows are fierce.

59 When I was a primary school student, I expressed my determination at the school meeting: We must learn the revolutionary spirit of the Red Army in crossing snowy mountains and climbing grass. From then on

I was deprived of the right to speak politically for life!

60 When I was a child, my dad told me that there was a text about Liu Hulan in the Chinese language book. When Liu Hulan took the initiative to admit to the Japanese that she was a prostitute to save the lives of the entire village

, an old man came forward to save her, and the line was: Xiao Xiangzi, are you crazy? ! But in the era of ***, a poor rural child read aloud: Little madman, are you sweet?

Answer: Zhuang Xu Zhuang Zhuang - Magician Level 4 3-12 20:45

Let me comment gt;gt;

What do you think is the best? What's the best answer? There are currently 7 personal reviews

57 (4)

42 (3)

Other answers*** 4

One day

The little penguin went to play with the polar bear!

Three years later, when he walked to the equator, he remembered that the door was not closed at home

It took him another three years to open the door when he returned home. Close it

Then I arrived at the North Pole 6 years later

When I knocked on the polar bear, I said, "Polar bear, I came to play with you!"

The polar bear opened the door and looked at it One glance at the penguin said: "I don't want to play! Then closed them!"

The penguin went home!!

One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: "Dad, am I Silly boy?" Dad said: "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy?"

In order to test the strength of the police in the United States, Hong Kong and mainland China, the United Nations placed three rabbits in three places. In this forest, it’s up to the police from the three places to see who can find the rabbit first.

The American police were in front of the first forest. They first spent half a day meeting to formulate a combat plan, strictly divided the work, and then sent special forces to quickly enter. A carpet search was carried out in the forest, but the meeting was delayed. The rabbit ran away and the mission failed!

Then it was the Hong Kong police's turn. They sent more than a hundred people and dozens of police cars outside the forest. They lined up, and the leader used the loudspeaker to shout: "Rabbit, Rabbit, you have been surrounded. Come out and surrender..." Half a day passed, but there was no movement. The Flying Tigers entered the forest and searched again, but found no results. Mission failed!

In the end, there were only four Chinese policemen. They played mahjong for a day. At dusk, each person took a baton and entered the forest. Within five minutes, they heard the screams of animals coming from the forest. A Chinese policeman came out smoking a cigarette, chatting and laughing, dragging behind him a bear with a bruised nose and swollen face. The bear was dying and said: "Don't fight anymore, I am a rabbit..."

The tortoise and the hare are racing, and the pig is the judge. Do you think the tortoise or the hare is faster?

Rabbit said: "My mother calls me Little Rabbit, which sounds good!"

Little Pig said: "My mother calls me Little Piggy, which sounds good!"

The puppy said: "My mother calls me puppy, which sounds nice!"

The chicken said: "You guys chat, I'll leave first!"

Little The rabbit said: "I am raised by a rabbit mother!"

The piglet said: "I am raised by a pig mother!"

The chicken said: "I am raised by a chicken mother ! "

The puppy said: "You guys talk, I'm leaving first!"

The rogue said: "People call me rogue!"

The samurai said: "People call me warrior, and it sounds nice!"

The master said: "People call me gaoren, and it sounds nice!"

The swordsman said: "You guys talk, I Let's go first!"

General Li Zongren said: I am a kind person!

General Fu Zuoyi said: I am a righteous person!

General Zuo Quan said: I have the power!

General Huo Qubing said: You guys chat, I’m leaving first!

The door of Lao Zhang’s house is

Made of willow, Lao Zhang said: My door is a wooden door

Old Li’s door is made of plastic, Lao Li said: My door is plastic

Old Wang’s door The door of Lao Liu’s house is made of brick. Lao Wang said: The door of my house is made of brick.

The door of Lao Liu’s house is made of steel. Lao Liu said: You guys talk, I’ll leave first!

Students from the Normal College said: I am from the "Normal College"

Students from the Railway College said: I am from the "Railway College"

From the Vocational College The student said: I am from a "vocational college"

The student from the technical college said: You guys chat, I'll leave first

It's raining. There are many fools in the mental hospital holding towels and soap in the rain. You were taking a shower in the bathroom, and you were the only one watching on the window sill. Someone asked curiously: What are you doing? You said those fools are very stupid, I will wait until the water is hot before going there

In a mental hospital, a patient was writing a letter. The nurse saw it and asked him curiously.

Nurse: Who do you want to write to?

Patient: Write to myself!

Nurse: So what do you write?

Patient: You are mentally ill! I haven't received it yet. How do I know?

A big mouse walked into a flower shop and was chased by a small tabby cat. The big mouse found that there was no way to escape, so he picked up a bouquet of roses and prepared to resist. When the little cat saw it, he immediately lowered his head and said shyly: You are so bad, you are still young!

I remember when I was in kindergarten, the teacher said: "The penalty for wetting the bed is three yuan once, five yuan for two bedwettings, and seven yuan for three times." You suddenly stood up and said, "How much is the monthly subscription?" How smart My child.

A bad wolf came out to look for food. I heard a woman lecturing the child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf! As a result, the wolf waited all night and said: Damn it! These old ladies don’t keep their word

Two dumplings got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was shocked and asked where the bride was. Meatballzi said shyly: "I hate it. You won't recognize me when I take off my clothes!"

Answer: 2581550 - Manager Level 5 2-28 23:48

Check it on the Internet

Just a joke

That’s it

p>

Answer: Zi Qiaowei - Probation Level 3-1 16:25

The latest 2007 most explosive slip of the tongue, you will laugh to death without discussing it

1 Unit Congratulations, one A leader said: "I wish you all good health..." He held it in, he was speechless.

2 Once I helped my boss book a hotel and wanted to ask if they had any services such as free Internet access, but I couldn’t think of anything.

So I asked the other person : "Excuse me, do you have any special services here?"

The other party: "What? We are a regular hotel for special services!"

-__-!!!!

3 The fourth person in the dormitory got out of bed and looked for slippers for a long time, but there were none. I asked everyone: Why are my slippers gone?

4 While shopping, a friend suddenly exclaimed: "Wow! 'Virgin Bookstore'!" I was shocked. I looked up and saw a plaque with four big characters written on it

--Foreign Language Bookstore-__-!

5 I once went to buy mutton skewers

I held out 4 fingers and said to the boss, "Here are three mutton skewers."

The boss was confused, "How many?" ? "

I stretched out three fingers and said "4"...

6 Our general manager's surname is Zhou. One time he called me while I was driving and I got nervous. He opened his mouth and said: "Premier Zhou..."

7 My surname is Zhu, and I manage the unit's computer room. Someone once called me on my mobile phone: "Chief Chicken Section, are you in the pig room?" At that time, he scolded that guy

for a meal

8 I was queuing in the cafeteria when I heard a boy next to me say : "Master, let me have a bowl of 'Bullet Cauliflower' soup!" (Seaweed and Egg Drop Soup) Haha

Ha, I laughed so much that I gushed out the soup.

9 One day, I was eating very slowly and very hungry at a rice noodle shop

Finally I couldn’t hold it in any longer and slapped the table and roared. I originally wanted to say that if I didn’t get the rice noodles, I would flip the table over. !

The result was: "Boss!!!! If you don’t serve rice noodles, I will eat the table!!!!"

The whole store was silent for 3 seconds and then burst into laughter under the table... It’s embarrassing. ...

10 When my parents quarreled, my dad said angrily: "Get out of here!"

11 When I was playing basketball in high school, A acted selflessly after getting the ball. Passed to B, B easily scored. After a while, B got the ball, and A shouted loudly and passed the ball to him. But B throws the ball himself. As a result, A shouted angrily: I was really blinded just now...

The whole audience burst into laughter

12 In my impression, the squad leader in elementary school was extremely serious. During a self-study class, the classroom There was a lot of noise in the room. After maintaining order several times, the squad leader finally couldn't bear it any more. He stood up, slapped the table and roared: Whoever makes noise again, cut him off!!!...The whole class was silent

13 When we were in college, we asked a buddy how Manchester United was doing, and he said excitedly: "Manchester United lost, and Beckham received two yellow plates and was sent off!"

14 Don’t do porcelain work without a gold hoop

15 When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture about a new type of material and said: "The sexual function of this material is The old materials are incomparable...ah, no, the performance and functions..."

16 I just went to college and was in military training. The company commander didn't know the accent and shouted the password-- "Drill to the left!" "Drill to the right!"

17 When I was in college, I heard a girl ordering: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour shredded potatoes, without the potatoes!

18 In the second year of high school, our Chinese teacher was an old teacher who had just been transferred to Beijing from Nanchang. His accent was very strong. His son entered the Department of Architecture at Tsinghua University, which was also the purpose of his coming to Beijing. He is very proud of his son and always talks about his son to us.

This is the case every time Said, "My (my) moth (son) is from the Toad (Architecture) Department of Frog (Tsinghua) University." ． ．

If moths get to frogs and toads, wouldn’t they become snacks? ． ．

19 When I was cooking at noon, my mother gave me a pot of carrots: "Go, cut the carrots into cubes!"

20 A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write the festival section? I answered: Add a festive stanza under the prefix "草" and remove the prefix "草"!

The whole staff burst into laughter! I didn’t react for a while~~~~~~~!

When I was looking for a job at 21, the examiner asked me which year I graduated.

I originally wanted to say the year 2000, but I got excited and said, "Two thousand years ago..."

What was even more shocking was that the examiner actually said "Oh" : "A student of Confucius."

22 Just over 10 minutes into class, my deskmate raised his hand and said: Teacher, I want to use the toilet.

The English teacher said unhappily: How old are you when you still need to go to the toilet?

22 I have a classmate who has been reviewing for the computer level 3 exam. One day while playing football, another classmate dribbled the ball to the bottom line and just listened to him

Shout: Enter! Enter! (Biography)

23 I remember one time when I went to buy a fruit called Elizabeth, I opened my mouth and said: Boss, how much does Shakespeare cost? The boss was stunned on the spot

24 The physics teacher said: "This is a thick spring. I push it from both ends to see if it becomes denser (constipation). )? "