Should we be more considerate of others?

Everyone knows that when fishing, we should consider what fish like to eat, not what anglers like to eat. If an angler fishes with his favorite food, he will eventually get nothing unless he changes the bait.

when you need to get requirements from others, why not use the same method?

During the First World War, British Prime Minister Lloyd George adopted this approach. People often ask him why he still holds power when all those wartime leaders-Wilson, Orlando and Kerry Duhamel Du Monceau-are kicked out or forgotten. He replied that if there was any reason for his success, it might be because he had already learned that you have to use what kind of bait you want to catch.

Any idea that only pays attention to what you want is naive and incredible. Of course, everyone is always interested in what they want. But others are not necessarily interested in what he wants. Similarly, others are only interested in what they want.

Therefore, the only way to influence others is to talk about what he wants and teach him how to get it.

remember this when you ask someone else to do something tomorrow. For example, when you don't want your son to smoke, don't preach anything to him, just let him know that smoking will prevent him from joining the basketball team or winning the 1-meter race.

it's worth remembering, whether you treat children, cows or chimpanzees.

One day, Emerson and his son want to drive a calf into the bullpen. But they made a mistake that ordinary people make-they only thought about what they wanted: Emerson pushed behind and his son pulled ahead. But the calf thought and did the same as them, and as a result, it tightened its legs and stubbornly refused to leave its place.

The Irish maid saw their predicament-she can't write a book, but at least this time, she knows more about cows and horses than Emerson. She thought of what the calf wanted, so she put her thumb in the calf's mouth, let the calf suck her finger and introduce it into the cowshed at the same time.

I don't know if you realize it, but from the moment you were born, all your thoughts and actions were due to your needs. Maybe you will ask: Why did I donate $1 to the Red Cross that time? Because you want to help others, because you want to show a beautiful, unselfish and sacred behavior-since you have done this to our brother, you have done it to me.

if your impulse to donate is not as good as your love for the $1, you won't have that donation. Of course, you may donate money because you are embarrassed to refuse, or one of your customers asks you to do so. But one thing is certain, you donate because of what you need.

Harry O 'Fury wrote in the inspiring book "Behavior Affecting Human Beings":

"Behavior originates from our basic desires ... and the best advice I can give to people who want to persuade others-whether in business, family, school or politics-is: first, arouse their strong desires. People who can fully do this can dominate everything, otherwise, they will hit the wall everywhere and be alone for a lifetime. "

Andrew Carnegie, a Scottish teenager who was often troubled by poverty when he was a child, started his work with an hourly salary of two cents, but finally donated $365 million. He learned very early that the only way to influence others is to look at what the other person needs and think for others everywhere.

Andrew has only been in school for four years, but he knows the world well.

For example, his sister-in-law became ill because of her two children. They studied at Yale University, completely ignoring the worries of their families.

Kanaky bet $1 that he would get a reply without asking for it. So he wrote a small talk letter to his nephew, with a message that he gave them $5 each.

Of course, Andrew didn't put the five-dollar bill in.

Your reply will come soon. Thank you "Dear Uncle Andrew" for your kind letter-I don't need to say that you should guess what the next sentence is written in the letter.

once, Carnegie rented a hall from a hotel in new york, and held a series of lectures for 2 nights every season.

At the beginning of a season, Carnegie was suddenly informed that he had to pay almost three times more rent than before. When he got this notice, the tickets had been printed and sent out, and all the notices had been published.

As far as Carnegie is concerned, he certainly doesn't want to pay more rent. But it's no use talking to the hotel manager about his needs. They are only interested in what they want. So, a few days later, he went to see the manager of the hotel.

"I was a little surprised to receive your letter," Carnegie said, "but I don't blame you at all. If I were you, I might send a similar letter. As the manager of the hotel, you have the responsibility to increase your income as much as possible. If you don't do this, you will be fired and really dereliction of duty. Now, let's take out a piece of paper and list the advantages and disadvantages you may get in this matter, if you insist on increasing the rent. "

Then, Carnegie took out a piece of stationery, drew a line in the middle and divided it into two columns. One column said "advantages" and the other column said "disadvantages".

Carnegie wrote "The hall can be used for other purposes" at the bottom of the column "Profit" and explained: "For example, you can rent him to someone else for a dance or a conference. Because they pay much more rent than renting a lecture venue. If I take up your ballroom for 2 nights to give lectures, it will certainly be a big loss for you. "

"Next, let's look at the disadvantages. First, instead of increasing your income from me, you will reduce your income. In fact, you won't get any income at all, because I can't pay the rent you asked for, so I have to be forced to take these courses elsewhere. "

"Secondly, these courses attract many educated and high-level people to your hotel. This is a good publicity for you, isn't it? In fact, if you spend 5 dollars to advertise in the newspaper, you can't attract so many people to see your hotel like my courses. Isn't this of great value to a hotel, right? "

Carnegie wrote down these two disadvantages under "disadvantages" as he spoke, and then handed the paper to the manager of the hotel, saying, "I hope you will consider the advantages and disadvantages you may get and inform me of your final decision tomorrow."

The next day, Carnegie received a letter informing him that the rent was only increased by 5% instead of 3%.

please note that from beginning to end, I got this rent reduction without saying what I wanted. Carnegie has been talking about what the other party wants and how the hotel manager can get what he wants.

If Carnegie only thought about what he wanted, he rushed into his office desperately and shouted, "What do you mean, you want to increase my rent by three times when you know that my admission ticket has been printed and the notice has been issued? This is simply unreasonable, I refuse to pay! "

so what will be the result? An argument will be in full swing-and you know what the consequences will be. Even if I convince him that he is wrong, his self-esteem will make it difficult for him to give in and give in. "If there is any secret to a successful interpersonal relationship," Henry Ford said, "the first thing is that you should capture each other's needs; In addition, looking at one thing must take into account the different angles of you and the other. "

I'm afraid anyone can understand the truth told in this sentence, but 9% of people in the world will ignore it 9% of the time.

For example, look at the letters that will be on your desk tomorrow morning, and you will find that most of them violate this common sense. Take this letter as an example. It was written by the head of the radio department of a broadcasting company with branches all over the United States. This letter is sent to radio station managers all over the United States. I write down my reaction to each paragraph in each bracket. )

Mr. John Blank, Blackwell, Indiana

Dear Mr. Blank,

Our company hopes to protect its leading position in advertising business in the radio industry.

What does your hope concern me? I'm only worried about my own situation. The bank is preparing to confiscate my house as collateral. Pests are gnawing at hollyhock. Yesterday, the stock plummeted. I missed the 8: 15 train this morning. Last night, the Jones family didn't invite me to dance. The doctor said that my blood pressure was too high, I had nervousness and too much scalp. Then, what happened? I was very upset when I arrived at the office this morning. I opened my mail, but I read an influential person in new york, nagging about the hope of his company. Fuck you! If he can understand the impression given by his letter, he will leave the advertising industry and make disinfectant instead. )

Our advertisers are the radio stations. Every year, the company's turnover is among the best.

(No matter how big and rich your company is, it can only represent your company, which has nothing to do with me. If you are not so shallow, you should understand that I only care about how big I am, not how big you are. You mentioned how successful you are, which only makes me feel small and unimportant. )

We hope to provide our customers with the latest news about radio stations.

(you hope! You hope! You little fool. I don't care what hope you have, or what hope Mussolini has, or what hope Ping Crosby has. I'm going to tell you simply that I'm only interested in my hopes-and you haven't mentioned a word about this in your ridiculous letter. )

Therefore, you can list our company as a necessary target for your weekly news report-every detail that is beneficial for advertising companies to break advertisements in prime time.

(Wow, that's a big tone. Do you think that just because you are a big company, you can boss others around without even saying a word of please? This is obviously contempt for my personality, asshole! )

Write back immediately and tell us your recent "activities", which will be beneficial to each other.

(You idiot! You sent me a low-level carbon letter-a uniform letter sent to the ends of the earth like autumn leaves; How dare you ask me to sit down and dictate a personal letter when I am worried about my mortgage, hollyhock and high blood pressure, and tell you that you have received your copied letter-and you want me to reply immediately. What do you mean by "immediately"? Don't you know I'm as busy as you-maybe almost, of course, but since we're talking about this issue, I have to ask you, what right do you have to order me to do this and that? ..... You said it would be "mutually beneficial". Finally, you are beginning to see my point. But what is good for me, you are vague. )

John Blanke, manager of radio department, sincerely reiterates that the attached copy of Blackwell Daily is of reference value to you, and you may want to play it on your radio station.

(Ah, you finally mentioned something that might help me solve a problem. Why didn't you mention this at the beginning of the letter-but what's the use? Anyone in the advertising industry who has made this mistake must have a brain problem. You don't need to write to ask for a copy of our recent situation. What you need is a quart of iodine to inject into your thyroid. )

If a person is determined to make some achievements in advertising, he pretends that he can persuade others to buy advertisements easily-if he writes such a letter, what can we expect from butchers, bakers and auto mechanics?

The following letter was written by the manager of a freight terminal. Let's see what kind of influence this letter will have on the recipient.

Dear Sir,

Our unloading terminal is inefficient because many goods arrive in the evening. A large number of goods arrive at the same time, which will cause some goods not to be delivered on time. Your company sent 51 pieces of goods on November 1th, all of which arrived at 4: 2 pm.

we implore your cooperation to overcome the difficulties caused by the late shipment of a large number of goods. Please deliver the goods early, or let some trucks arrive in the morning so that we can deal with them as soon as possible.

in this way, due to the rapid unloading, your work will be completed within the same day without delay. This is a good thing to kill two birds with one stone, please consider it more.

Your most loyal JD manager

The recipient of this letter, Edward Wamillan, the business manager of Chery Ge Company, told me his opinion after reading this letter:

"The effect received by this letter is just the opposite. This letter describes the difficulties of freight companies from the beginning, which is generally not what we are interested in. Then he asked us for cooperation, without any thought of whether it would cause us inconvenience. Then in the last paragraph, it is finally mentioned that if we deliver the goods earlier, our truck will be driven back quickly and our goods can be delivered on the same day. In other words, what we are most interested in is mentioned at the end, and the whole effect is hostility rather than cooperation. "

It is not only difficult to achieve the effect of asking for cooperation, but also more likely to lead to resentment of others by putting the concerns of others at the end.

let's see if we can rewrite this letter to enhance the effect. We don't waste pen and ink and talk about our own hardships. Just follow what Henry Ford said: "Catch each other's needs and look at one thing from each other's standpoint." The following is another way to write this letter, which is not necessarily the best, but it can be seen that it has been greatly improved.

Dear Mr. Wamillan:

I am very grateful to your company for your trust and business care over the past 14 years. To this end, we are willing to continue to provide the fastest and most efficient service.

however, on the afternoon of November 1th, your company delivered a large number of goods at the same time in the afternoon, which made us unable to provide the most efficient service, because other companies also delivered goods at this time. This will inevitably lead to congestion, and trucks have to wait for a long time to unload, resulting in some goods not being delivered on time. We feel very sorry.

we hope to avoid this situation as much as possible. If possible, I hope your truck will arrive in the morning, so that there will be no congestion, the goods can be processed in time, and our employees can get off work on time and enjoy the delicious noodles and macaroni produced by your company.

of course, no matter when your goods arrive, we will try our best to provide the fastest and most cordial service.

we know that you are busy, so please don't reply to this letter in a hurry.

Your most loyal JD manager

Barbera Anderson used to work in a bank in new york, but she is going to move to Phoenix, Arizona for her son to have a healthier body. So she used the principles she learned in our class and wrote the following letter to 12 banks in Phoenix.

Dear Sir,

I have worked in a bank for 1 years and have rich experience. I am very interested in your fast-growing bank.

I used to work in various departments of a trust company in new york Bank, and now I have been promoted to branch manager. I am familiar with the business of various departments of the bank, including the relationship with depositors, credit, payment and administration.