Mr. Ya's last article was probably from 2003 to 2004. It told the story of a girl and a boy. It seemed that the title was "Ten Years"

The name should be "Ten Years of a Girl". I have excerpted some content, do you think it is right?

Seven

After writing this, I showed this experience to a friend. He didn’t say anything. He held the printed copy and cried while reading it. He said: You suffered so much in those years. .

I laughed and told him that the bitterness has just begun. The days with Xiaojun by my side are still sweet no matter how bitter they are. I brought it upon myself, I murdered my lover with a rope called love.

When I returned to Wuhan, I threw away my pager. Moved dormitory.

Xiaojun called, but I didn’t answer. I asked my classmates to tell him that I dropped out of school.

Xiaojun did not come to Wuhan to see me. I understand that he is tired and tired of my willfulness. I miss him, but I deliberately let myself forget about him. He is tired of me, and I am so proud that I will not go to him shamelessly. Won't.

Twenty days passed and I suffered from severe insomnia and a long series of blisters on my mouth. I barely ate. I began to resent him.

That morning, I finally couldn't get out of bed. I lay on the bed in the dormitory, feeling like I was going to die.

I struggled to get up and cook a bowl of instant noodles. After tearing open the package, I felt like vomiting. The smell of instant noodles was unbearable.

I went to ** to buy food with my lunch box. As soon as I entered the ** gate, I felt like vomiting again.

I turned back and bought a bowl of jelly outside the school gate, put a lot of chili peppers in it, squatted on the roadside and ate it hungrily.

When I returned to the dormitory, the food I just ate started to rise. I ran to the bathroom and vomited out all the food I had eaten.

I straightened up and stood by the faucet, wondering, am I suffering from anorexia?

I went to the hospital and was told I was pregnant.

When I walked out of the hospital, my feet couldn't find the ground. I almost floated back to the dormitory.

There is a life in my body, which makes me scared and sad.

I never thought that I would become a mother at the age of twenty-one.

I am still a child, and I don’t feel safe if I don’t cling to someone else’s chest for a day.

I vomit almost every morning, and my body is so thin. My classmates gradually made me hesitate to have this child, but the child became more and more stubborn in my body.

After a sleepless night struggle, I decided to keep this child. My love for Li Xiaojun turned into extreme resentment towards him. I wanted to give birth to this child, and I wanted to take the child to him. , asked him how he could bear to make me sad.

I became a complete madman, and my child became my tool to torture him. I imagined countless times that I would stand in front of him with a child who looked exactly like him, smile and tell him that this is your child, and then look at his painful expression, and I would laugh, a fierce smile.

Since October 1999, I have become an unsheathed sword.

I contacted a well-known beer group in Shenzhen as quickly as possible, and then wrote an application to the school to apply in advance. On October 10th, I stood on the streets of Shenzhen. The place where I worked was a large Seafood City, I became a beer promoter. I wear baggy clothes, I want to earn a sum of money in the shortest possible time, and then leave here before my belly grows, and find a quiet place to wait for delivery.

Shenzhen is a two-hour drive from Guangzhou. I work hard at a place two hours’ drive from Xiaojun, and I even don’t hesitate to smile charmingly and make ambiguous jokes to the guests. I am like She clutches every penny like a complete bitch.

I also had to endure the severe reaction of early pregnancy. I went to the bathroom to vomit every ten minutes.

I can't see anything yellow, I will vomit when I see it.

It is difficult for me to describe that feeling in words. As I said, I am not a person who narrates. I feel that narration is getting more and more difficult now because there is no adjective that can express my mood at that time. I am angry. Feeling wronged, but with a woman's natural compassion, I felt more and more sorry for the life in my belly. In the end, I thought, I will find a father for him, so that when he is born, he can see a broad shoulder. I was in a daze just thinking about it.

At that time, I no longer shed tears.

I gave my children many names, such as Shen Ke, Shen Tian, ??and Shen Zhao. Like a real young mother, I went to the bookstore to check the information for pregnant women. I no longer stay up late, and I drink a lot of nutritious soup, but I just can't gain weight. The baby is now four months old, and my belly is still flat. Everyone in the company still treats me like a young laborer, and I am alone. Carrying twelve bottles of beer back and forth, no one knew that I couldn't straighten my waist.

On December 25, 1999, I fell down the stairs of Shenzhen Carnival Seafood City. Blood flowed down the tall walking stairs, winding like my youth.

My child is gone.

That little life, the only imprint that my youth left on my body and skin, died with just one fall.

I thought of the large empty operating room, the high delivery bed behind the blue screen, the cold instruments stirring inside my body, I bit my lips tightly, the gynecologist in his fifties The doctor looked at me lovingly and said: My child, please scream. If it hurts, just scream. I didn't scream, but my lips began to bleed. The doctor wiped my sweat, and finally she said: It's a pity, it's a boy for almost five months. If it hadn't been for a fall, there would be no need to induce the baby.

When she was packing up the equipment, she said: Do you want to take a look?

I shook my head desperately and then passed out.

As I write this, I am lying on the desk as if exhausted, with no strength at all.

My heartache for that Shen Yao is getting stronger and stronger. I don’t even think that was me five years ago. I want to extend my arms to the winter of 1999 to give Shen Yao warmth. Hug, let her sleep in my arms for another sweet sleep.

How did I get here? How did I bury the past? Or am I really just writing a story with false blood flowing through it?

But I clearly saw the weak Shen Yao walking out of the hospital door, carrying simple luggage in her hands. She saw a group of people playing chess at the entrance of the hospital. She leaned over to watch. It was like five years ago, during the break in high school, she watched Li Xiaojun play chess with others. She squatted on the roadside and solved a chess game. After winning fifty yuan, she held the fifty yuan and thought: Xiaojun, how much have you hidden in my life? I'm actually still making money with the skills you gave me!

When I returned to the dormitory, I realized that everyone in the hotel had heard about my pregnancy out of wedlock, and I was expelled. I packed my luggage with my head held high in the eyes of others, and I couldn't stay any longer.

I took out all the money in my passbook, went to Guangzhou Railway Station, bought the ticket, called my good friend Mantou and asked her to come to Wuhan to pick me up, and then handed There was only 2 yuan left in the bag, and I was so hungry that I bought a cantaloupe with a bamboo skewer stuck in it.

I stood at Guangzhou Station with disheveled hair like a migrant worker. My Guangzhou, my Guangzhou Station, all my sad past events are

at Guangzhou Station.

While I was thinking about something, my cantaloupe was snatched away by a beggar. habit. I got on the train hungry and slept the whole way. I'm numb with grief.

When I arrived in Wuhan, the first thing I did when I saw Steamed Bun was to drag her to the noodle shop. The steamed bun looked at me with tears in her eyes as she finished eating two large bowls of ramen. She pinched my hands that were red from the cold and kneaded them. It was already snowing all over the sky in Wuhan, and I was wearing a thin jacket.

p>

It was so cold that my face was covered with goosebumps.

Mantou and I have been classmates for ten years, and I hide nothing from her. She is my only girlfriend, but she doesn’t know everything about me in Guangzhou.

No one knew that I was hiding my most fatal injury like a cancer patient.

Steamed Bun took me to her residence. She was already at work at that time. The rented house was a single room, clean and cozy.

The room was filled with a light fragrance of flowers, showing the warmth of home.

She stuffed a thick pile of money into my wallet, and then pulled out a pocket with a beautiful coat inside. I don’t want it, I said.

She looked into my eyes and said with sparkling tears: Yaoyao, from today on, you must be a person who lives for yourself. All I can solve are material problems. You have to solve other problems yourself.

I don’t know. Three days ago, Li Xiaojun stood in the steamed bun’s room and said to the steamed bun with red eyes: Xiaoman, do you know?

Where is Yaoyao?

Steamed Bun said fiercely: Do you still think of coming to find her? How can you let her be sad? She doesn’t know where she is now

Wandering!

Li Xiaojun asked Mantou to give him a clue so that he could find me, and Mantou gave him my address in Shenzhen.

The day Li Xiaojun went to Shenzhen was the day I left Shenzhen. Maybe we passed each other on a certain train again.

This encounter made Li Xiaojun completely put me down, because my lovely old colleague described me as a resentful woman who was

kept and abandoned by others. They described my bloody appearance when I fell. What did Li Xiaojun look like at that time?

What was his expression? It all became a riddle.

In the past five years, I have not set foot in Guangdong Province.

That's my hell.

Eight

When telling this story, I ignored many people. They passed by in my life.

For example, in a hotel in Shenzhen, a boy secretly stuffed a note into me and stuck a rose on the window lattice of my dormitory. I

never saw it or was moved. But I hurt him severely. I stood under the streetlight and asked him: How can you, a waiter, love me?

In the dark night, his face turned red, he took a big breath, then turned and left.

Later, we passed each other countless times in the hotel, and his eyes were full of anger and disdain.

Later, he left the hotel.

Later, I heard that he had opened a company.

Later, I heard that he had become famous in Shenzhen.

I often think of him. He is a good boy and should find a pure white woman. The other boy is from Jiangmen. His home is across the water from Hong Kong.

We met on the plane flying to Wuhan. Yes, it was the time I returned to Wuhan from Guangzhou. He would be in Wuhan on business for a month.

He sat next to me. , I sat in my seat in a daze with red eyes, and he talked to me from time to time.

The first time I took a plane, I vomited violently, but he was always busy with me, even more thoughtful than the flight attendant.

We took a ride together from the airport to Wuhan city. He gave me his phone number. I knew he fell in love with me at first sight.

He came to my school to look for me and invited me to dinner, but I refused lazily.

He has a prominent family, is well educated, and has a decent job. He takes me shopping, and as long as I stand in front of a certain item for more than three minutes, I will definitely receive this gift one day. He is the ultimate romantic and gentleman.

When he returned to Guangzhou, I went to see him off. At the airport, he shyly asked me: Miss Shen, if you are willing, would you consider being my girlfriend?

Is that friendly?

I laugh. I said I sent you an e-mail, and you will know my answer when I return to Guangzhou. I told him everything in an email.

When he flew back to Wuhan to find me, I had already gone to Shenzhen.

When he found my address in Shenzhen, I had already left Shenzhen.

In order to look at the bright moon in the sky, I missed the giants in the world.

We actually met each other in Beijing in 2003. At that time, there was already a woman with a beautiful smile beside him. We exchanged greetings, and he turned his back

Smiling lonely. Let me take a breath and talk about Shen Yao.

I took myself out of the plot and pretended that Shen Yao was just a woman who happened to have the same name as me and had similar experiences to me

A new century has begun. On the New Year's Eve of the new millennium, the sky is full of fireworks blooming like flowers, which is especially enchanting. Steamed Bun and I were sitting on the balcony railing, and she asked me

Do I still hate Li Xiaojun? I was silent. I thought of my child who died in infancy, and I thought of the supercilious look I had seen. I

< p>Clenched his teeth and said: Hate.

Mantou stopped talking. It was my word of hate that once again caused me to rub shoulders with Li Xiaojun.

Before Mantou asked me this, Xiaojun said to Mantou on the phone: Xiaoman, I decided to ask Yaoyao to tell me in person

What happened to her? You can do this to yourself.

Mantou yelled at the phone: Li Xiaojun, I also want to ask you what you did to Yaoyao! Steamed Bun hugged me, patted my shoulder gently and said: Yaoyao, forget Xiaojun, start over. Youth is inherently bitter.

I fell asleep in Mantou’s arms, and in my dream I saw Xiaojun standing on the other side of a big river. I called him hoarse from here,

He didn’t respond. I had this dream for three years and got tired of it.

Mantou called Xiaojun that night. She told Xiaojun calmly: Shen Yao hates you, please don't disturb her peaceful life again.

And these, I don't know. How many times has this happened to us? Those were the years that crawled by like a snail, and I hardly ever smiled.

I often sit on the bus, sprinkle washing powder in the toilet, cut vegetables into my hands, and forget to put water in when cooking. My life is a mess.

My life is a mess. I feel like a disabled person who has lost the ability to live.

I live in a small attic near Hanzheng Street. I go to work early and come back late every day. On weekends, I sit on the terrace and read the newspaper.

From dawn to dusk , I never turned a page, I didn't speak all day long, and when I finally spoke, I felt that it was someone else's voice.

When I find a job, I am often quit after less than a week because I am too dull and often make mentally retarded mistakes. I was looking for a job in the scorching weather in June, and my skin was tanned. I stood on the streets of Wuhan and looked at the huge billboards and felt dizzy. I have almost no capital to be proud of. I have been idle for four years and my major is not good.

Finally, a company wanted me. They liked my young and pure face. I stood in the lobby of the company every day, wearing a straight suit, and

put on just the right amount of makeup, just like a piece of makeup. It's like a living sign. Occasionally, a lewd customer will make exaggerated jokes. As long as I smile calmly, everything will be fine.

Life seems to be gradually smiling.

Nine

For two thousand years, I have lived in a daze, without any news from Xiaojun.

For two thousand years, my trajectory has been from the workplace to the dormitory, never beyond the boundaries. Two thousand years is very important. Because when I seemed to be coming out of the haze, Xiaojun and Li Xiaojun appeared.

A wound that looked like blood had coagulated was stabbed again. On November 12, 2000, I received a call from a high school classmate after get off work, saying that a group of Wuhan classmates were having a gathering and were waiting for me at a certain hotel.

Everyone was there when I went there. A bunch of people were shouting and joking. I was laughing quietly in the corner. During the dinner,

someone picked up the phone. He held the phone and asked everyone: Hey, comrades, guess who is here?

Students, you guessed it one by one. The classmate who answered the phone said mysteriously: Li Xiaojun, the current outstanding employee of Motorola

, has returned to Wuhan.

Before I finished speaking, the door of the private room had been pushed open, and the lover I had longed for was standing in front of me without any explanation

My head was blown. It exploded. In the bustling crowd, Xiaojun also saw me. We stared at each other through the sounds around us.

My lover, he is still tall and straight, the chest I miss is still broad, his eyes, his eyebrows, his cold hands

His fingertips, his slightly curled The thick hair and the vermilion mole behind his ear are still the same.

How I want to go up, lie on that chest, and cry.

Xiao Jun just looked at me and was forced to drink one cup after another of spicy liquor. Drink until

neck is red.

I just looked at him stiffly, across a round table, I looked at him, Xiaojun, who had left an indelible mark on my life

He did not look back. Look at me, don't say a word to me.

After dinner, we moved to another classmate’s house for activities, and I was forcibly pulled over. Xiaojun was in another car.

My classmates deliberately did not let us be in the same car. They knew the embarrassing past of Li Xiaojun and me. They thought

Li Xiaojun and I were all over each other. Who knew that I was heartbroken? Eight people, two tables of cards. A table of poker and a table of mahjong.

Li Xiaojun was at the same table as me, and he sat down opposite me.

After a night of nothing, I lost three hundred and he lost four hundred.

There was nothing to say until daybreak. When he left, he finally said: Shen Yao, please pass my coat.

This sentence was said lightly and skillfully. When we were together, he often commanded me: Shen Yao, bring me my coat

Here, Shen Yao, bring me my leather shoes. Come in, Shen Yao brings me my tie...

I still have the illusion for a moment, as if we are still in love with each other, as if I can still act coquettishly in his arms at any time, as if < /p>

As if I could hang on his neck and swing, as if...

Just as if. What he said today had the word "please" in front of it. This word wiped away all our vigorous

pasts.

My Xiaojun has completely turned the page on me. He is no longer the same person waiting for me.

Although, I wasted my whole green years for him. I went back to my place, rummaged through all the treasured things with traces of small marks, and carefully stroked them against the weak winter sunshine.

He gave me the card, the brooch, all the Wuhan-Guangzhou train tickets, the air tickets from Guangzhou to Wuhan, the message he wrote to me

and the phone number with his handwriting. Ben, his tie clip, his cold medicine, the invoice for buying his pager, our rent receipt, and the bed sheet where we were intimate for the first time.

I spent a whole day looking at these small items. As I looked at them, I began to wipe away tears, began to sob, and

started to howl.

A year later, I finally cried. I miss Xiaojun.

I thought he missed me too.

I am in pain because of missing you.

I thought he was in more pain.

I thought we would still be together, and he would come over to hug me and kiss my eyelashes as usual. His

lips were thin and cool, and his eyes were bright. I thought He would say: Yaoyao, I love you, I still love you.

I thought I could throw myself into his arms again, biting my teeth on his shoulders willfully. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms and have a dream of spring flowers.

Open, there are four seasons, and the shore is wet with waves.

Everything is over, he can politely say please to me, he does not look at my haggard face for him, I lost ten pounds in one year

My wrist was so thin that you could see the green blood vessels that were all appearing, but he didn't even look at it. When he left my sight, he didn't even look back. I almost fainted behind him, and he didn't even know that there was such a thing. He

didn't even know so many details. I resigned from the company with red eyes, and then bought a ticket to Beijing.

I want to find a corner and lick my wounds, not in Wuhan, not Guangzhou, not Shenzhen.

I chose Beijing, which has four distinct seasons and is bone-chillingly cold in winter. 10.

In December 2000, at the Capital Airport, the cold wind was biting. I walked into the crowd carrying a small suitcase.

At that time, my expression was indifferent, my eyes were no longer clear, and my straight hair just reached my shoulders. The only thing that remained unchanged was that my lips were as bright as a baby. I insisted on not using any lipstick or lip gloss.

, I have retained my loyalty to him for six years.

I rented a room in Gongzhufen, painted it tender pink, burned light Dharma incense in the room, and placed green leafy plants on the windowsill

, keep two swimming fish in the fish tank on the dining table.

I go back and forth between Guomao and Princess Tombs every day. I am used to sleeping with the handrail hanging on the subway. I am used to wearing stiff business clothes.

I am used to it. Xiaojun's life.

I seem to be getting further and further away from Xiaojun. I no longer keep in touch with my classmates in Wuhan. I bought a mobile phone number in Beijing, and the phone book is full of my Beijing friends.

Three months later, I was fluent in Beijing movies. Even the people in Beijing didn’t know where I came from. They didn’t expect that I once said

Wuhan was so vicious that they didn’t even know where I came from. Know that I can understand every Cantonese sentence.

I smile reservedly and talk gently with customers. I seem to be born for work.

However, night is a difficulty.

I have a habit of crying on the terrace at night. I cried happily, then wiped away my tears, went into the room, got under the covers, and sobbed to sleep. Like a baby, I relied on this once-a-day catharsis. I occasionally wake up in the middle of the night. I have nightmares. I wake up shivering. I stand on the terrace with my arms folded. The Beijing night is as cold as water, and my exposed skin is stinging.

It hurts. I often stand there for half the night.

When I wake up, I will get up quickly and rush to the subway station to start my day's work. No one knows how miserable my secret nights are.

Without him, I am just lonely. On weekends, I would play chess with others at the community activity center to pass the time. My chess level has improved day by day, and I can almost dominate the community. Only when I was playing chess, I could not think about anything. I would give the chess to the kind-hearted old men tolerantly, and I would make them laugh. Still beat them.

I just stayed in the activity center for a day. If there is sunshine, I will push the elderly with handicapped legs and feet for a walk and listen to them tell interesting stories about old Beijing. They love me more than I imagined. There was a time when the clothes hanging in the community were frequently stolen.

But my clothes were never lost. As long as I washed the clothes, they would hang them. We chatted near the rope until the clothes were dry, and they took them off for me. Every time I came back from the company, I couldn’t help but see the sun-scented clothes hanging on the door handle

>

The nose is sore. If you give love, you will definitely receive more love.

But I gave so much love to Li Xiaojun, but what I gained was piercing pain. Eleven

Do you think I will still describe those processes? No, no, I want to end this memory. The more details are peeled off, the more sad

no wound has ever been. It can be described repeatedly and revealed, and it is all shocking. We only talk about the future. Every story that begins in the past will have a future.

Later, in January 2003, a man named Su Ke said loudly on the crowded streets of Wangfujing: Shen Yao, marry

to me. I won't let you cry anymore.

Suke has pure eyes, fair skin, and slender fingers. He is thin and thin, but he said he wanted to protect me, so I tried to hold his arm

and lean on his chest. , groping for warmth with eyes closed.

I said to Su Ke: Su Ke, give me three days, just three days, and I will give you the answer.

Suk wrapped my hand in his big hand and said: I'll wait. Three days, I used to make a flight.

Flying at night, I saw darkness everywhere. Standing at Baiyun Airport, listening to the familiar and sonorous Cantonese, it felt like a world away.

I hailed a taxi and drove slowly into the heart of Guangzhou. Every slight bump made my heart palpitate. The young and shy driver asked me: Miss, where are you going?

Please, take me around, anywhere. I said.

What then? He continued to ask me.

I sat in the back seat and watched the neon lights flashing outside the window: Then, we went back to the airport.

The driver looked at me in surprise from the rearview mirror. I smiled and explained: I just forgot about the smell of Guangzhou and flew here to smell it.

When I returned to Beijing, it was early in the morning. In the cold spring of January, I called Mantou. I asked her if she knew where Li Xiaojun was. Mantou remained silent, and then told me word for word: Li Xiaojun. The wedding date is set for May 1st.

Hang up the phone, sit on the roadside, in a daze, and then stop the car with difficulty.

The taxi was driving hard on the Third Ring Road. Traffic jams are a common occurrence in Beijing. I leaned against the car window and looked out boredly. A man in a

navy blue suit stood in a car. Next to the Passat, the figure looked very much like Li Xiaojun. I jumped out of the car like a man possessed. As soon as I got out of the car, I saw the man getting into the car, and then the car started to move slowly. I ran over quickly and the traffic started. Moving faster and faster, I

was completely thrown on the third ring road. Vehicles passed by me gradually, and I was thrown behind again and again. I seemed to see time passing by me

< p>I passed by, and I stood in the traffic with tears streaming down my face.

Three days later, Su Ke and I stood at the marriage registration office.

Twelve

Xiaojun, if you read this article in the future, please believe that this is all, my ten years, the ten years I have devoted to you.

I will no longer ask, no longer ask how you let me feel sad.

We will eventually forget each other in the world, and let it drift away. If we can meet again, please don't stop me.

Because I promised Su Ke to accompany him for the rest of his life.