Thank you for your disdain, which helped me meet a better version of myself.

—1—

I tried my best to escape from the small rural village where I was born and raised.

Until the train slowly drove away, I didn’t dare to look back. I was really afraid that I could not help but rush off the train, go to Qingdao, I want to go home!

In September, Qingdao was still warm. I stood in front of the school, feeling excited. The land and city under my feet would be the place where I would live for four years.

At the beginning of the new semester, I still went my own way - wearing shabby clothes, with thick bangs, maintaining a weight of more than 100 kilograms, and living my own little life without a face. Well, yes, that’s very egotistical!

At such an age, it is easy to believe in everything, including so-called love.

Mr. A is a typical tall, rich and handsome man in our class. He is 180cm tall. He loves playing basketball, photography, hip-hop dancing, and painting. In the hearts of a group of fans, he is simply omnipotent.

I came into contact with Mr. A because of an event. I called him countless times and sent him countless text messages. After that, he replied, "Who are you?" . . I was instantly angry, and after a few text messages back and forth I realized I had the wrong number.

After I went back, I asked him about it. He smiled bitterly and said that the number he gave me yesterday was accidentally written wrong. I replied to him, haha, I just called the owner of that phone. Just a phone call this afternoon.

Later, we went to a stationery store to choose utensils together. I kept chattering all the way and forgot what I said. Mr. A, who had been silent all the way, suddenly turned his head and said to me seriously, "I would rather do it for you." Regret the things you have done, and do not regret the things you have not done.

Strangely, at that moment, I was easily captured by his serious look. You see, my love at that time was always so inexplicable.

I still remember that in the empty classroom, we painted an ink landscape painting on the big wall at the back. It was a huge project that took four hours, and I watched Mr. A carefully. look like. At that moment, I knew it was over, I was completely lost.

—2—

I secretly chatted with Mr. A at night and asked him what type of girl he liked. He told me that he was like me. I threw the phone aside and buried my head. I laughed stupidly under the quilt for five minutes. I was so excited that I couldn't control it, and I didn't fall asleep all night. The next day, she showed up with panda eyes, but it couldn't cover up the joyful look on her face.

We went to the place where he learned hip-hop together. The teacher with pigtails impressed me deeply. This is probably the case for people who engage in art.

We sat together on a bench in the underground shopping mall, watching the people coming and going, counting the couples. We leaned on each other, whispered, and hummed love songs to make up for the lack of love. The day we met.

During that time, his mother controlled his finances, and he lived a hungry and full life. Every time, he just said he was hungry, and without saying a word, I ran to the cafeteria to buy him food and went straight to the downstairs of his dormitory. It was very cold in winter, and I was shivering from the cold downstairs, but when he ran downstairs and gave me a big hug, I felt that it was worth it, everything was worth it!

Those days were so sweet that they were like a dream. When we wake up from the dream, we can never go back to the past.

I don’t know when, Mr. A started to alienate me and started to think I was ugly. I didn’t say anything, but I felt extremely uncomfortable in my heart. I swear, before I went to college, I never Even though they knew I was ugly, no one had ever told me about it.

One night, Mr. A said that we were not suitable. I smiled and said, it doesn’t matter, I can change it, and we can get to know each other from the beginning. Hello, my name is **, what is your name?

Jun A smiled bitterly and said, stop making trouble, let’s break up.

I started to feel at a loss, as if I knew I was losing something I cared about very much, but there was nothing I could do about it.

I forgot how I moved back to the dormitory. Before my tears fell, I tried my best to hide myself and put on a smiling mask to face everyone. But when the lights went out, the surroundings turned dark. At that moment, I couldn't control myself anymore, and tears fell down. I kept telling myself to be strong, but I couldn't wipe away the tears.

—3—

A long time passed, and until he got a beautiful girlfriend again, I still couldn’t help but care about him. I have all his contact information. I'm reluctant to delete it because I'm afraid that one day I won't be able to find him.

Until one day, I overheard his girlfriend saying that Mr. A bought her something she liked, and Mr. A gave her a kiss or something.

I finally made up my mind, found Mr. A’s contact information, and pressed the delete button. The past is in the past, and you can never go back to the past, do you understand?

I began to try to change myself - I often went to the library and exchanged my experiences with like-minded friends, because I wanted to make up for all the ignorance brought about by poverty. I started to change my own style of dressing, and I was often laughed at by others for dressing in a mess, but slowly, I started to wear my own style. My figure is neither too good nor too bad. I skip dinner every night and roll around in bed hungry in the middle of the night. After one month, I have successfully lost ten pounds.

I started getting into makeup. At first I didn’t know how to use all the stuff. People were often shocked when I put it on my face. Later, I could put on light makeup and go out.

Everything I have done is to make myself better. Now I will never feel inferior in front of Mr. A. If there is still a chance, I will say to Mr. A, thank you. Your disdain made me meet a better version of myself.

PS: In your best years, may you become the best version of yourself!