The "Whole Brain Parenting Method" integrates memories and makes children's "broken" memories complete and beautiful!

Memory is the way an experience at one moment affects us in the future.

1. The truth about memory

Memory is associative

When memory processes a certain piece of information at the moment, such as a smell, a sentence or an expression , will be combined with similar past experiences through association. Past experiences strongly affect current feelings because the neurons (brain cells) in the brain are connected to each other to form an associative mechanism.

Memory is distorted

Have you ever had such an experience? When several relatives and friends gather together to recall a special experience, you obviously feel that you remember it very clearly, but Relatives and friends all said that you remembered it wrong.

Memory is not an exact representation of an experience. When you recall a memory, you change the memory. You may recall many similar memories, but each memory has an element of adaptation.

Scientifically speaking, the clusters of neurons activated by the memory are very similar to the clusters of neurons encoded at the time of the event, but they are not the same. So no matter how confident you are that you remember things clearly, memories are distorted.

2. Two different kinds of memory

Memory is divided into implicit memory and explicit memory.

Explicit memory refers to past experiences recalled at the conscious level. For example: you recall all kinds of clumsy scenes when you first learned to ride a bicycle, which is an explicit memory.

Implicit memory is based on past experiences, allowing us to form expectations about the way the world works and establish a specific psychological model for us.

For example: when you see a bicycle, you can get on it and ride it without thinking. This is implicit memory at work. Through your cycling experience again and again, the neurons fire together, forming a neural circuit that can ride a bicycle, which is your unique psychological model.

Implicit memory begins encoding from embryonic conception until 18 months after birth, and memory is encoded solely by implicit memory. Encoding of implicit memory is done automatically.

But explicit memory does not begin to appear until the age of 2. Explicit memory includes factual memory and episodic memory (memory of a certain situation). Episodic memories are arranged along a timeline to form an autobiographical memory unique to each person.

The encoding of explicit memory requires the help of the hippocampus, located in the limbic system. As the hippocampus matures, we begin to be able to create factual and episodic memories. The hippocampus continues to grow throughout life and encodes explicit memories that allow us to understand the world and ourselves.

3. The hippocampus is responsible for integration

The hippocampus is the "search engine" for memory retrieval and the master of puzzles. It works in conjunction with different parts of the brain to bring together all the images, emotions and feelings of implicit memory into a complete image, thereby forming an explicit understanding of past experiences, thereby helping us reflect on our inner thoughts. The impact of implicit memory on life.

The hippocampus is like a light of "consciousness", which can help us retain positive implicit memories, rewrite negative implicit memories, and improve negative mental patterns.

The negative part of implicit memory is like a mine buried underground, which can be detonated at any time due to triggers from the external environment.

The role of hippocampus integration is to help us "search" for these hidden landmines, and through integration, carefully dig them out and place them in places that are not easy for us to reach.

4. Integrate ourselves

Once you understand the impact of implicit memory (mental model) on our current lives, it is easy to understand that sometimes it is not the words and deeds of your children that trigger your emotions. Behavior, but the child's words and deeds touch the "landmine" in the implicit memory, causing the neurons to fire together, and then the emotion goes out of control.

At this time, you need to calm down and integrate your memory by asking yourself a few questions.

For example:

"Is my reaction reasonable now?"

"What is happening now? What can I relate to this? What are my feelings and Where did the behavior come from? ”

By integrating implicit and explicit memories and shining the light of consciousness into painful moments from the past, you can become aware of how your past affects your present with your child. Relationships, being alert to the emotional impact your problems are having on yourself and your children.

When you feel helpless, frustrated, or overreacting, look at what’s behind those feelings and explore whether they are related to past events. You can then bring your past experiences into the present and integrate them into your entire life. When you do this, you will be free to be the kind of parent you want to be. You will find the meaning of life, which will help your children find theirs too.

4. Help the child integrate memory

When a child refuses to do something because of fear, parents should help the child integrate the memory to make the memory more complete. When a child sees the whole picture of something, his focus will gradually broaden and it will be easier to overcome his fear.

Two ways to integrate memories:

1. Replay memories

Guide children to tell stories.

Telling stories is like turning on the "DVD player" in a child's brain. As your child retells the story, ask him to imagine he is holding a "remote control" in his hand. When recalling a picture that scares you, you can ask your child to press the "pause" key on the "remote control" to fast forward to a picture that they can accept and continue telling the story. Through narrative, the fragments of memory are integrated into a complete image.

2. Deepen memory

Guide children to re-narrate basic facts by asking questions and encouraging them.

①For younger children, you can ask questions directly to guide the children to recall the details of the matter and describe them.

For example:

"Did you go to Xiaoyouzi's house today?"

"What happened when we were playing at the beach just now?" < /p>

② For older children, you can ask relatively complex questions, and you can also guide the children to write diaries, play "guessing games", make memory books, etc.

—Ask questions

You can ask your child if there are any conflicts between classmates or teachers? Encourage the child to talk in detail.

Ask children about the details of the party, etc.

- Keep a diary

Studies have shown that recalling and expressing through diaries can not only improve immunity and heart health functions and can also enhance personal happiness.

——Guessing Game

If the child is unwilling to answer the question, you can try playing a guessing game with the child to guide the child to recall what happened that day.

For example: Each of us tells two things that happened today. One of them is true and one is false. How about we guess what is true and false?

——Making a memory book

If the child goes out alone to participate in camping or traveling activities, you can help the child collect pictures during this period to make a memory book. Use words and pictures to help children integrate their memories.

Write it at the end

If we can turn the implicit memory puzzle pieces floating around into explicit memory through integration, then we can release ourselves to a greater extent and be in the present moment. Live more fully, fully, and with new choices about how to live.