The excitement you like is the noise that young people are afraid of.

A friend's favorite dinner party is always your nightmare. /friends

Sometimes people who envy their mother's generation say hello when they meet from a distance, with loud voices and great actions, as if they had returned to the era of sharing a pot.

However, this kind of greeting always makes young people feel inexplicably embarrassed, because they often can't jump out any beans after saying "Hello Auntie", and can only keep an embarrassed smile in some enthusiastic compliments.

"The child is crazy at home and dumb when he goes out." My mother explained my silence like this.

Many people easily classify themselves as "social phobia" patients, but they are not.

Real "social phobia" patients will completely avoid contact with people, and even have physiological reactions such as palpitations and dizziness in crowded public places. What's more, they can't open the curtains to get in touch with the sun, so most of their friends are not like this.

They like to be alone and enjoy the dim environment. /Wei Yan-the idea wins

Although not, they also have a certain degree of psychological barriers in social interaction, which we call "light social fear" people.

They are afraid of others' eyes, but they are afraid of others' neglect; Deep down, they are eager to express and communicate, but as long as there is a party, they can push it; They always lead an anxious and cautious life.

But isn't this the daily state of contemporary young people?

There is no "light social fear"

As a young man, I am embarrassed.

In China, "ignoring social fears" has become an unavoidable psychological problem. According to conservative estimates, about 10 people suffer from social disorder, especially in the post-90s and post-90s generation.

In this era of emphasizing individuality and self-expression, the "light social fear" group has felt an unprecedented crisis.

"I won't go to dinner with strangers."

"On the road with people I know, I want to die."

"Annual meeting to pull me on stage, I am autistic ..."

"I typed and sent him a WeChat, but he called and cried in despair."

If they avoid communication in this way, how do they make friends?

"On the Internet, I usually get along with people in the same circle. In real life, I basically rely on extroverts to take the initiative. "

"There are reasons for work to deal with."

"Friends are staged. If others take the initiative to contact me, most of them will continue to maintain their relationship, otherwise they will break off diplomatic relations."

They have almost no desire to choose their own friends except for others who actively communicate online.

Although I really want to join the topic, I still sit alone. /Wei Yan-the idea wins

In order to avoid socializing better, they also learned a lot of social skills "seriously" (don't take these words seriously): next time = Monday 8, another day = (current month) 32, immediately =6 1 minute, later = 65438+March, time = after 2000. ......

In fact, those who are "the light of social fear" often have a very rich and interesting inner world, and they all have the same ideal-"to be a social expert."

Those who are straightforward and provocative and give speeches on stage like flowing water will simply shine at the moment. But when the light hits their heads, they will run away immediately.

It's a collection of contradictions. Yes, the set of contradictions, that's them.

You can escape from social occasions outside, but you can't escape from your parents' eyes. What is "light social fear" in parents' eyes? Just lazy, bookworm and timid.

When I was a child, I was always labeled as "indifferent". In fact, I don't know what to say when I am with my elders. When I grow up, I will be labeled as "slow". In fact, although my heart is choppy, there is nothing I can do but pretend to be calm.

Finally, this mutual incomprehension between the two generations can only be attributed to two words-"generation gap".

Similarly, at work, as long as you don't speak in time, you will be considered to have no position. As long as you speak late, you will be considered to be echoing others. As long as you don't "rush out" first, you will be considered to be inactive.

Never learn to defend yourself. /@ Wei Yan-Viewpoint won

You know, "unacceptable social failure" is a common problem of these "light social fear" people, so these incomprehensions will only aggravate their anxiety.

Why young people?

In the eyes of young people, there seems to be no occasion where parents are afraid to speak, especially grandparents. As long as they want to dance, there are squares everywhere.

In our generation, when we want to ask for directions, we can only turn on the navigation silently, and when we want to take pictures, we can only buy a selfie stick ... All ordinary things have become an insurmountable gap.

The post-95 s have the highest proportion of social phobia, followed by post-90 s and post-80 s/@ Wei Yan-opinion wins.

This generation is called "TV people" or "container people" in communication science. "TV people" refers to a generation born with the popularity of TV. They grew up in the sensory stimulation environment of TV pictures and sounds.

Because watching TV is carried out in a narrow space with the sofa facing the screen, this closed environment lacking real social interaction makes most of them develop a lonely, introverted and self-centered character.

After the emergence of the mobile Internet, the "container man" was born. They are addicted to media such as mobile phones and tablets, and their inner world is isolated and closed.

In order to get rid of loneliness, "container people" also want to get in touch with others, but this kind of contact is just a kind of "collision on the outer wall of the container", and they can't go deep into each other's inner world, because they don't want each other to go deep into their inner world, so keeping a certain distance becomes the best choice for interpersonal relationships.

Want to get close, but there is always a layer of glass between you and others. /Doudan

Their parents and grandparents grew up in the print media environment, so they paid more attention to communication, rationality and logical thinking.

Many young people with "the light of social fear" say that they are almost online and offline. "The endless coquettish in the virtual world becomes a dog after meeting." The anonymity of the network gives these people a great sense of security, and their familiarity with the network also makes it easier for them to express themselves.

It can be seen that the development of the media has profoundly affected people's character and behavior.

In addition to the influence of the media, the influence of the family is also one of the reasons for "ignoring social fears".

A warm family can relieve anxiety very well. /network

A friend once told me that after discovering his tendency to "despise social fears", he kept asking himself how he changed from a baby who knew nothing to an adult who could not speak. Later, he found the reason, and everything came from his mother's repressive education.

When I was a child, whatever I did would be found wrong, whatever I said would be refuted, and my mother's emotions would explode for no reason. When he wants to share his inner feelings with his mother, he often gets only one word: get out.

The biggest crux of the "light social fear" crowd is inferiority complex.

Make a bad psychological presupposition for yourself. If others don't like him and ignore him in advance, the scene will be very embarrassing, so the idea of "I simply won't go" and "I'm leaving" will arise. However, if he does, he will feel very guilty, and he will probably break the jar in the end.

Their life creed is: without hope, there is no disappointment. /douban

Childhood is the best time to create self-confidence, and one of the mainstream education methods of parents in China is repression.

When a child does something wrong, parents will say, "Look for reasons from yourself.". Children do well, parents will emphasize that things are the result of many factors in order not to make their children proud, which often makes children ignore their own advantages and enlarge their own shortcomings.

Therefore, those young people who are "not good at words" may be created by you.

You can be gentle without socializing.

If you ask this group of "babies" who are afraid of society which country they want to live in most, they will definitely answer "Finland" with one voice!

Why choose Finland, a distant Nordic country?

Finland is the happiest country in the world. /Our Finland

According to the latest report of UN 20 18, Finland, where 99% people have "social fear", is rated as the happiest country in the world. In this winter when the average temperature is MINUS 20 degrees and some areas can't see the sun all the year round, what is there to be happy for Finns who are so "socially fearful"?

Finns seriously avoid socializing.

Our impression of the queue is that everyone can't wait to stick to the person in front and push forward in small steps. If the gap with the front is a little bigger, you should beware of someone being careless.

In Finland, the average distance between people waiting in line for a bus is 74.9 inches (1.9 meters), and the extra 1 cm is offensive. If there are two people standing under the waiting shed, the third person would rather get wet by the rain and snow outside than stand under the same roof. It is said that the distance between every two Finns can cram eight Japanese into the subway.

You can see which foreigners are waiting in line. /Xinyu goes abroad

Carolina Hong En, a Finnish cartoonist, knew her country's unique mode of getting along well and drew this kind of "Finnish social fear", which caused a deep cry of "light social fear" on the Internet: "I finally know where I am suitable to stay." "I am Lingfen, referred to as Jingfen."

Finnish social phobia does not mean that they are indifferent or impolite, but that they need personal space, which is simply the realistic version of "not disturbing is the best gentleness"

In an era full of social pressure, every young person who has stepped into society and is "afraid of society" adapts to and caters to such an environment to varying degrees, because although they are afraid of other people's judgment, they are even more afraid that their values will be submerged.

It's not completely useless to avoid socializing, at least you will get the happiness you need. It is often seen that some Vlog live alone in a warm nest and arrange their day's life in an orderly way, which is both a positive self-discipline and a comfortable enjoyment.

A person's time is rich and beautiful. /Doudan

There are many books and courses that teach these young people how to overcome their fears and get along with others, but few people tell them, "In fact, you can be alone."

If you meet a quiet friend next time, don't diss him. His reaction is slow, because what he said may be a few more bends in his mind.