Revisiting the old place is not like a youth tour.

1

The car is going all the way along Longquan Mountain, which may be a newly built expressway, and there is not much traffic on the avenue.

Maybe it's going to rain, and the dark clouds are a little low. Fortunately, there is no shelter, and the field of vision is still wide, and the outlines of the mountains in the distance are looming.

It's obviously not very good weather, but I accidentally fell in love with this strange and vast land, and I have a feeling of galloping across the prairie when the car is moving at high speed.

"Sister, do you know where this is?"

My cousin's question dragged me back from my meditation. I turned to him and shook my head blankly.

Cousin: "How long have you lived in Chengdu?"

Me: "Almost three years."

Cousin: "Then why don't you even know Longquan Mountain?"

Me: "My sense of direction is too bad, and I'm a little homesick ..."

A few simple conversations instantly opened my cousin's memory valve of reminiscing about the past.

2

"When I was your age, I dragged my luggage alone and took the green leather train for more than 4 hours to Tibet". (He subconsciously thinks I'm only 2 years old)

My dull eyes suddenly sparkled, and I played extremely hard to listen to his next conversation. I don't know why, I always have natural curiosity and admiration for those stories about a person riding Tibet and crossing the desert jungle alone.

"It was an unintentional move for me to go to Tibet. I chatted with my friends in the morning and decided to leave in the afternoon."

My cousin, who dropped out of school early, worked as a waiter in his hometown city, worked as a network administrator, installed doors and windows, and tried all the jobs he could, but still failed to find what he wanted.

I asked him: Aren't you afraid that it's the first time you've been away from home for such a long journey?

"Of course, I was afraid, but I didn't know where I got the courage. I had less than 1, yuan in my pocket and left without telling my family. If I put it now, I may not be able to take that step. < P > Yes, the process of going to Tibet alone is painful, but the courage of that young time is the most valuable.

"At that time, I couldn't get a ticket. I was dragged into an alley by a scalper, and handed out my ticket through a small window behind an iron fence. I had to make up another ticket every time I took a trip."

"There was no seat and no stool, so I threw my suitcase on the corner outside the toilet and sat down, because it was close to the garbage bin, and from time to time, there were residual juice and soup in the instant noodle bucket jumping out and rushing straight.

"I was a heavy smoker at that time. I would rather not eat than smoke. I thought I would not be afraid to travel all over the world as long as I had a cigarette in my hand. Unfortunately, I was unlucky. I bought all the fake cigarettes at the station, and I never wasted my money again.

Seeing my silence, he continued: "It was very painful to endure the addiction all the time, but fortunately, I met a fellow victim in the carriage and chatted all the way with his cigarettes."

He didn't say much about the later story, and I didn't ask much, only knowing the next few years.

3

What connects my cousin and me is a word called "farewell to death". Grandpa's death has given us a rare opportunity.

I was having dinner that day when my mother called: Your grandfather left.

I didn't react at the moment, thinking that my grandfather must have been sent somewhere to play.

Grandpa has four children, all of whom are very filial. He helps to keep house and farm in his uncle's house during the busy farming season, and lives in several daughters' houses in the city in his spare time.

I met my grandfather, who is in his nineties, during the Spring Festival. His body is very strong. He can eat, sleep, go uphill and go to the fields. Although I didn't recognize my granddaughter at first, he always looked at me with a smile.

I completely forgot that the word "go" has another meaning besides where to go-death.

Surprise, amazement, and incomprehension all come to my mind in an instant. How can a person who is obviously so healthy say and leave?

After reconfirming the news, it took me a short time to pull away from my sad mood and calmly accept the reality that "everyone is bound to die". Even I was surprised, scolding myself seems to be too cold.

when we arrived at the village, it was completely dark, and the car was moving cautiously in the circling corner.

"Sister, do you remember this road? I used to ride you, and you were bruised.".

under the light of the car lights, I turned my head and looked around, and familiarity and strangeness were intertwined in my heart. At present, this road has indeed appeared in my memory, but now the high slopes along the road are covered with weeds, and the muddy paths in the past have also been paved with cement roads.

I subconsciously nodded: "I remember this thing, but I don't recognize these roads."

I recalled many childhood events with my cousin along the way, and those memories were rusty, as if they had happened for a long time, and as if they had happened not long ago.

4

I went back to my uncle's house, burned a thick stack of paper for my grandfather, and bowed deeply to the temporary spirit tablet.

There are no dogs' lungs in the village. Except for the lights in front of the door, there is no scenery in the distance. Except for the faint conversation in the house, the whole village is shrouded in a sense of silence.

I'm sitting on a stool next to my sister, and there are a group of white-haired old people sitting opposite me. They cross their legs and their fingers are trembling, chatting with each other. From them, I obviously feel the traces left by the years.

When I appeared at my door that night, I probably didn't expect me to go home so soon. My five-year-old nephew rushed into the room excitedly: Sister, my aunt is back. Two children pestered me and asked me happily if the country was fun. It was then that I realized that there was no doubt about life and death in children's world.

when I think of these two scenes, I suddenly have a feeling about life and death. On the one hand, new life is booming like the sun, and on the other hand, the last oil of life is exhausted. In contrast, it gives birth to a sense of desolation.

I happened to hear an elderly man talking at the door: "People are destined to pass this hurdle in life, so long as they live, they have to accept death ..."

I used to think this statement was pessimistic, but this time I heard it from several elderly people, but I had another opinion. The group of old people discussed life and death calmly, and there was no emotional ups and downs on the surface, as if it were a complete realization after exploring life and death.

5

I have seen a sentence before: Did people live for 365 days in this life, or did they live for one day and repeat it 364 times?

there is no doubt that I belong to the latter. life seems to be stable, but in fact it is a pool of stagnant water.

on the one hand, I am dissatisfied with the status quo and eager to jump out of the cage, on the other hand, I am afraid of change and dare not take risks. At this point, I am an extremely hypocritical and poor person, and I have lived into a dying age at a young age.

stability is not a derogatory term, it emphasizes that stability is no longer wandering around, which is also the goal that most people pursue all their lives. However, stability does not mean the same level, but also emphasizes the use of quick wits and the ability to take your time when the environment changes.

in other words, a person who pursues stability can enjoy the present, but at the same time, he must be prepared to cope with environmental changes, so as to live up to this life.

I watched The Truman Show some time ago, and Truman in the movie has been in a "stylized" world since he was born. In this world, everyone around him is an actor arranged in advance, and the same thing happens every day around him. His life is stable to some extent.

But when he found himself in a virtual world that was noticed by thousands of people, Truman tried his best to break free from the cage. Standing at the end of the virtual world, even if the boss behind the scenes told him that the outside world was as false as the inside world, Truman chose to bid farewell to a stable life and boldly go out.

At the end of the movie, Truman turned from the blue sea and blue sky into another dark unknown world, which touched my heart unexpectedly.

I think there are too many implications about the plot. Combined with my current state of mind, his departure is a portrayal of daring to break through the shackles and dare to challenge.

6

Later, I finally found out why I like to listen to adventure stories. People are always like this, because they lack courage, they will especially admire the courage of others. The more scarce you are, the easier it is to envy others.

Looking back on my short period of more than 2 years, I have never experienced rough seas or traveled far. Most of the time, my activities are limited to a few kilometers around my home in Fiona Fang, and I consciously or unconsciously live in the mode of boiling frogs in warm water.

Don't have the courage to make a new attempt, expect the same day tomorrow, don't have unexpected situations, and don't face risks. These are the real me in my heart, but I have never faced them directly before.

there was a heavy rain on the day before leaving, and a thick layer of mud accumulated on the cement road.

seeing this scene, I think of the emotion that Su Shi sent in Dingfengbo: bamboo sticks and sandals are lighter than horses, who is afraid? A raincoat of coir raincoat, let the wind and rain, still live my life.

Yes, Dongpo can be so open-minded even though he has been demoted repeatedly. Why should I be afraid of the wind and rain when I have an umbrella in my hand?

Before leaving, ask my cousin: Will you go to Tibet again?

He sighed deeply: He is thinking, but now that he has a baby, even if he revisits his old place, his mood is no longer the same as before ...

Just like those childhood memories, they have changed their taste under the erosion of years. Even if they step on the same land, they are still those people who traveled together at the beginning, and their mood is probably different.

it's hard to have a grand banquet because it's rare. In any case, it's not like a youth tour.

so, let's go while you are young ~