Recommend one of the most classic jokes! ! ! Listen, let’s go classic! ! !

A young man received a talking parrot as a gift on his birthday. However, I soon discovered that this parrot was full of swear words, very rude, and not polite at all.

He was determined to change the parrot. I spoke polite words to it every day, taught it elegant vocabulary, and played soft music, but it was of no use at all. The parrot was still full of obscene words. He shouted angrily at the parrot, and the parrot shouted at him even louder.

Once, he was so angry that he threw the parrot into the refrigerator. A few seconds later, he heard parrots flapping inside, shouting, and cursing. Suddenly, it was quiet, not a sound at all. Half a minute passed, still no sound. He was worried that the parrot was frozen, so he immediately opened the refrigerator.

The parrot walked out calmly, stood on his arm obediently, and said in a very sincere tone: "I'm sorry that I made you angry. I did something wrong before, and I decided to change my ways." "Please forgive me if you don't say bad words again."

The young man was surprised by the parrot's transformation. Before he could say anything, the parrot continued: "Can I ask the chicken inside what he did wrong?" ?”

The emperor said to the little plum beside him: Use one word to describe me. Xiao Lizi replied: Cha! Then Xiao Lizi was chopped. . .

18. Patients in the hospital's intensive care unit always die around 11 o'clock on Sundays, which puzzles the doctors and even thinks it is a supernatural event, so they set up an expert group to investigate the cause. On Sunday, the clock had just struck eleven o'clock. It was discovered through the monitor that the cleaner who cleaned on Sunday walked into the intensive care unit, unplugged the life support system cord of the seriously ill patient, then plugged in the vacuum cleaner and started cleaning. . .

Three people died at one time. The soul flies to heaven.

After arriving at the gate of heaven, an angel appeared and said to them: Sorry, because there are more and more people on earth, there is no place in heaven. Only one of you three can go to heaven.

The three people asked what to do? The angel thought for a moment and said: Let the three of you tell us how you all died. Whoever tells the best story will go to heaven.

So the three people agreed to this method after discussion.

A: I am an office worker. I go to work every day. Recently, when I go to work in the morning, my neighbor always says to me: "While you are at work, your wife is stealing from you at home." He told me this for several days in a row. So I decided to find out whether it was true or false. So I got off work early today and planned to go home to catch the rapist. I came home and found my wife naked. Moreover, there were men's shoes at the door and men's clothes on the floor. So I got angry and frantically searched for that beast in the house. But I couldn't find it no matter how hard I looked. At that moment I discovered there were hands on the windowsill on the 30th floor of my house; MD, you can really hide them. I kept attacking his hands until he shouted, "Go to hell." But he was so strong that he didn't let go. Finally I moved the refrigerator and stabbed him. Finally he fell. But I have heart disease due to over excitement. So I died.

The angel said in silence: What about you? Question B

B: I am a high-rise building cleaner. One day I was painting glass on the 35th floor when the cable suddenly broke. I caught a family's window sill while I was falling. I was just glad I didn't die. Suddenly a madman rushed out and beat my hand desperately. In the end, this lunatic stabbed me down with a refrigerator and threw me to death.

Angel. . . . So how did you die? Ask C

C: Me? I was hiding in the refrigerator

Angel. . . . . . .

Rabbit Joke

The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss : "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many"

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there are still none."

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily: "Yes. Yes, we have a hundred buns today!”

Little White Rabbit took out the money: “Great, I’ll buy two!”

A small match. , my head was itchy, so I scratched it, and then it caught fire and burned myself. Then I went to the hospital and turned into a cotton swab because my head was wrapped with gauze...

Xiao Ming He got a new haircut and when he came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiao Ming, your hair looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt aggrieved, so he ran outside and cried. As he cried, he flew up.

One time in class, the teacher asked a difficult question: "Li Mao, you answer it!"

Mao Mao stood up: "Teacher, I can't!"

Teacher: "Oh, sit down then~~~~ Please answer No. 1 (student number)!"

Maomao stood up again: "Teacher, I really No way~~~~" At this time, someone below was already laughing

Teacher: "I'm sorry, please sit down~~~~Then the monitor will answer this question~~~"

Everyone burst into laughter~~~~

Maomao was already crying: "Teacher, can you let me go~~~~"

. There are two counterfeiters They accidentally made fake banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they took a 15 yuan bill and bought 1 yuan candied haws, they cried, and the farmer gave them two 7 yuan bills.

. A man climbed the wall and left the school, but was caught by the principal. The principal asked: Why don't you leave through the school gate? The answer is: Metersbonwe does not take the usual path. The principal asked again: How did you get over such a high wall? He pointed to his pants and said: Li Ning, everything is possible.

The principal asked again: What does it feel like to climb over the wall? He pointed to the shoes and said: Xtep, it feels like flying. On the second day, he entered the school through the main entrance. The principal asked: Why didn't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a gangster costume, and the principal said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said: You are what you wear, Semir clothing. On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school. The principal said he could not wear a vest to school. He said, men, keep things simple and love Dengbao clothing. The principal said I'm going to give you a serious offense. He said: Why? The principal said, M-Zone, I have the final say on my territory.

1 said... During the Iraq War, the United States issued a notice saying that if an Iraqi soldier was caught, he would be rewarded with US$50,000. The two American soldiers who received the notice were very excited to look for it. I searched for them all day but couldn't find them. Finally I fell asleep in a broken house. When one of them woke up and saw 498 Iraqi soldiers pointing AK47s at them, the American soldiers who woke up quickly called the sleeping guy next to them. : "Get up... get up, we are rich. Get up...'

2 Said... When a man was going home at night, a man in black suddenly jumped out from the corner. The man pointed a gun at him and asked: "1+1=?' The man slowly and frightenedly said: "~~~~2~~~' Bang... there was a sound, the man in black shot, wait. After the man fell, the man in black gently blew the smoke from his gun and said, "You know too much."

3 said... A college student was kidnapped, and the gangster used a high-definition gun to The piezoelectric said to the college student: "Which school are you from?" He only heard the college student say: "I am from the Radio and Television University" and was electrocuted to death. A man bought a parrot and taught the parrot to speak. He first taught the parrot to say: Who is it? The parrot learned it. One day, the owner went to work. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. The parrot said: "Who is it?" The man said: "The one who delivered the gas tank." He kept saying: "Who is it?" Gave a gas tank. Later, the man delivering the gas tank fainted. When the master came back, he saw someone sleeping at the door and asked: "Who is it?" The parrot replied: The one who sent the gas tank.

I saw a couple arguing on the street in the morning.

The girl slapped her boyfriend hard. To save face, the man shouted to the girl: "Slap me again if you can!"

The girlfriend did not hesitate to dump her again. A slap in the face.

The man paused and said: "Since you are so obedient, I will spare you."

Classmate A likes a girl C, but has never dared to pursue her. There were two buddies who helped him come up with ideas, and they agreed to come out as a hero to save the beauty.

On a miserable evening, two buddies, dressed as hooligans, stopped C from returning home from school and said with a nonchalant expression: "Girl, come on, let's go have some fun!"

Girl C went with his two buddies.

Tang Monk and four others took a plane to travel. The plane crashed on the way, but there were only three parachutes.

So, Tang Seng said, everyone should answer the questions, and those who can’t answer will jump down.

Tang Monk: Wukong, how many suns are there in the sky?

Wukong: One.

Tang Seng: Okay, I’ll give you one.

Tang Monk: Sha Monk, how many moons are there in the sky?

Sha Seng: One.

Tang Seng: Okay, I’ll give you one too.

Bajie on the side was so happy for such a simple question.

Tang Monk: Bajie, how many stars are there in the sky?

Not long after, the four of them took a plane to travel again. It crashed again on the way and still only had three parachutes.

They continued to answer questions.

Tang Monk: Wukong, when was the People’s Republic of China established?

Wukong: 1949

Tang Monk: OK. Give you a handful.

Tang Seng: Sha Seng, how many people died in the liberation war?

Sha Seng: 2 million people.

Tang Seng: Okay, I’ll give you one too.

Tang Monk: Bajie, what are the names of those two million people?

...... Bajie had no choice but to jump down again.

． ． ． ．

Bajie jumped down.

The third time, the four of them took a plane to travel again, and there was another accident on the way.

At this time, Bajie said: Master, you don’t need to ask, I will dance by myself.

Then he jumped.

Tang Monk put his hands together: Amitabha, there are four parachutes this time.

One day Xiao Ming shouted: An Sizhu, An Sizhu, An Sizhi Chunzhu (I am a pig, I am a pig, I am a stupid pig). Everyone laughed, Xiaofang Then he said: Yes, one thought of bamboo, one thought of bamboo, one thought of pure bamboo (you are a pig, you are a pig, you are a stupid pig). Everyone said to Xiaofang in unison: Genius, I only heard someone say: Genius. , genius, heavenly fool.

Please accept it, it’s taken so long! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !