Super Humor, Funny Quotations of Personality-Men are Walking Genital Organs

Turning girls into women is the most basic responsibility and obligation of men.

My dream: I have something to do as a secretary and nothing to do as a secretary. The reality is that the secretary can't do it, and the secretary can't do anything.

Men are walking genitals.

Tang's monk's meat can live forever, but Tang's monk's excrement has the same effect.

Don't say that others are mentally ill. The premise of encephalopathy is that they must have brains.

Give me 12 beautiful daughters and I will praise the Lord every day. After 20 years, these angels will bring me endless wealth.

Stars can be more famous if they take off a little, but I got caught when I took off all my clothes!

Now you must look at the object carefully, because there are too many people who are not men or women!

The mosquito is really angry after biting you, but what's more angry is that it bit you and you still can't find it!

I am a thrifty person. I never shit with paper, never eat with chopsticks, and never wash my hands!

I told you not to push me. If you push me, I will play dead for you!

When you see a beautiful woman, touch your pocket first to see if you have any money!

If I become a star one day, I will definitely take it off and show it to you!

People are not afraid of death, what they fear most is that they don't know how to live!

The story of Meng Mu's three moves actually shows that she has a good son. If I were you, it would be useless to move it a hundred times!

I think a fly lying on the glass has a bright future, but it can't find a way out. ...

Peacock tried to turn on the screen, but his ass was exposed!

If one day I become a hooligan, please tell others that I am innocent. ...

From heaven to hell, I pass by!

Are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, so you have to throw stones at my head.

Lack of social experience means lack of exercise.

Iron pestles can be ground into needles, and wooden pestles can only be ground into toothpicks. The material is wrong, and it's no use trying again.

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror; In old age, mirrors are flat.

I am different from you because I am human.

Buy me 10 cigarettes, why don't you go to a nightclub?

People always make mistakes, otherwise the right way will be crowded.

All unforgettable love is the moment when the soul is free in bed!

I like children, and I prefer the process of being a child.

The art of self-cultivation is actually the art of lying.

When I was a child, my dream was not to be a scientist, but to fantasize that I was the master of the landlord's family. The land was fertile and there were thousands of hectares. I'm confused all the time, and it has nothing to do with leading a group of dog slaves to flirt with good girls on the street …

I feel like a pervert. I have an Oedipus addiction and like the best mature women. Why else do I want to fuck her grandmother every time I see her face?

Remember, women must eat, drink and sleep well. Once they are exhausted, other women will spend our money, live in our house, sleep with our husbands, pick up our boyfriends and beat our children.

Don't shock the world with coquettish, just touch the world with lewdness.

So many people despise me. Who are you?

Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

If you can't dress your woman in a wedding dress, don't stop your hand from unbuttoning her clothes!

I don't like sleeping with a woman many times, but I like sleeping with many women only once.

Asking how sad you can be is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel …

Don't blame the dog for looking like a steamed stuffed bun …

Not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs.

If there is no health insurance and life insurance, don't try to be brave after dark …

You can't please everyone, because not everyone is human!

Successful women are not afraid of shame!

A girl from a virgin to a woman only needs to succeed once, and a boy from a virgin to a man needs repeated training.

Friend, you are leaving today. Please fuck this white girl.

Two children argued about the days. One said, A day is a day! A son said: One day is one day!

Men have gold under their knees. I cut off my whole leg and didn't even find a copper coin!

A lover will eventually become an animal ... If you don't fuck her today, she will let someone else fuck her tomorrow.

Give me a boat full of women, and I can call myself a dead man.

Please weigh me two yuan stainless steel darts, and this is my 8-level assassin certificate …

When is the bright moon, ask the sky for wine … the sky says, fuck you, I am so busy, how can I ignore you and watch the weather forecast by myself …

I bury corn in the soil in spring, and I will harvest a lot of corn in autumn. In spring, I bury my wife in the ground. In autumn, I will be shot.

If you have a pair of wings, you should be braised …

This is a sticky season, and the air is full of sweat; People are like bugs, hiding from the sun everywhere; Sweat is eroding clothes, and my heart is about to rush out of my chest; My eyelashes are really not long enough to cover my eyes, the sun, the world and my inner panic …

Beheading is nothing, but a scar the size of a bowl fell from my head. 18 later, I'm a zombie again …

Farrow said: Today is the Dragon Boat Festival. I invite you to eat zongzi, which is full of human flesh. Come on, mom …

Come out to hang out, your wife will change sooner or later.

I am an unmarried young man who enjoys married treatment.

Extraordinary humorous quotations

There are three bowls of noodles that are the most unpalatable: human noodles, scenes and feelings.

In short, bad guys are men who take off their pants during the day and women who don't take off their makeup at night.

Don't tell me to grow old together. What I want is black hair forever.

Life is like a drama, with constant setbacks, which is the need of plot development.

Say sorry to yourself that I can't marry you.

Cow dung is cow dung after all, and it won't turn into a hot cake if it is steamed in a pot.

I have everything, money, status, beauty ... my wife found out.

I have been cheering for you, because you are an old slick and can't get out.

How popular it would be to move the breast enhancement in broadcast gymnastics to breast enhancement.

Good is rewarded with good, and evil with evil. You are too heavy for me to carry.

Facts have proved that how strong the desire to lose weight is, how loud it is when you are hungry!

If you are well, it will be sunny. Look at the weather here today, you should be dead!

Wukong swore: "Tang Priest, you are a dead pervert, even the bell is set as a spell!" " "

Du Fu: A flock of egrets went to the sky. Bao Zheng: Fuck you.

Gasoline has risen to eight yuan, and some girls think that driving her out is for a ride?

There is nothing wrong with enlightenment, but you are wrong to use boiling water.

Literature and art is a disease, the scientific name is "speaking well will kill people."

Men cheat, IQ is second only to Einstein; Women catch rape, and reasoning is second only to Sherlock Holmes. ...

There are two ways to conquer women: please your mother and surpass your father.

Now the sweat that flows on your body every day is completely the water that enters your head when you fill in your volunteers!

Getting up early can really do a lot of things, for example, sleeping again. . .

Are people who play Tetris well better at cleaning up their rooms?

Always walking by the river, how can you not wet your shoes? Since your shoes are wet, take a bath!

Standing in the bungee jumping place, what do you think most? I want to pee anyway!

Dare to change your brain capacity and stomach capacity!

No matter how gorgeous and beautiful the screen name is, it finally lost to speech.

In order to test whether dad really quit smoking, I deliberately left the gas on when I went out this morning.

If an adult says to a child, "Don't ask so many questions," he basically means "actually, I don't know."

The biggest disrespect for my parents is that, as a competent bathroom singer, I still take a shower until midnight every day.

My relationship with the media is very unusual. The food I ate was reported in the news.

"Doctor, what about big pores?" "The pixel drops."

I really want to eat a set meal for girls without worries in Meng Dan.

The sentence "one step at a time" is definitely the most pungent satire on fat people.

No one has died since ancient times, and the rivers are vast.

The simplest emotion between people is mutual contempt.

The funniest thing is to step on the carpet of "safe passage" and fall down.

Little sunflower mother began to talk in class: children's cough is always bad, and most of them don't want to go to school to pretend. Have a casual meal.

People are really stupid when they are full, but smart from the inside out when they are hungry.

Youth is a dandelion, seemingly at ease, but actually it can't help itself.

The partial eclipse of the sun is actually caused by children not eating well every day.

Society is a carriage. Those without seats encourage rebellion, while those with seats call for stability.

"Neither too hot nor too cold" is the most comfortable temperature in nature, and it is also the temperature that makes people want to die in the emotional world.

Beauty and ugliness have a life, fat and thin in the sky, and live by this sentence.

The main contradictions faced by contemporary youth are: food and weight loss.

If you can be meticulous with me, I will be naked with you!

I want to be a bully, but I can't. I want to stop studying, but I can't. It's fucking pathetic.

"The fourth ring road is Audi, the fifth ring road is the Olympics, and what is the sixth ring road?" "Welcome to Hebei Mobile!"

My love for you is as vigorous as a tractor climbing a hill.

At best, you are supercilious; In the worst case, you are blind.

Success is no big deal, but failure every year is more than enough.

A flat chest is poor for three generations, but a thick waist destroys a lifetime. Big face is not a disease, but thick legs are fatal.

My clients have abused me thousands of times, and I regard them as my first love.

Can you stop being angry with me and have a baby?

We are always "brainless" in the eyes of customers, and customers have always been "unhappy" in our hearts.

Some stick to the end, some stick to the bottom, and some stick to Detroit.

Although I don't like seafood, mermaids are acceptable.

It is mine. Do not move. It's not mine. You put it there.

Facing the sea, spring is blooming, so I can only set it as my screensaver.

You must have serious procrastination, otherwise, you are still alive.

Others live a life, but they live an adventure.

Sweet, fragrant, spicy, sour and bitter-but you just like coquettish.

Some things, if I think too much, I have a headache, and if I think too much, I feel distressed.

Why can't Baidu search you again? Can you hold your urine no matter how awesome you are?

Suddenly I thought of a very serious academic question, who decided to pass 60 points?

From primary school to university, the only constant is a heart that doesn't want to learn.

Sleep by yourself and let others go to class!

In summer, the situation on campus is basically: girls wear nightclubs and boys wear migrant workers' clothes.

Super humorous children's quotations.

Love story during SARS period

DuDu is lewd. Yesterday, she whimsically told Xiao that she wanted to have children with the most beautiful girl in her class. He even dragged Mr. An An to Xuanxuan and pointed to the teacher's ring and said to Xuanxuan, "If you like me, I'll give this to you." Xuanxuan ignored him and went to find someone else to play with. Dudu suffered this setback because of love and hate, and Jessica Hester Hsuan didn't come to school in the next few days. He told everyone that Jessica Hester Hsuan was caught in the Iraqi war, or that she was quarantined because of SARS.

Mother asked, "Dudu, do you think the little sister next door is funny?" Mom gave birth to a little sister for you, too, okay? Dudu was still sad that Xuanxuan refused to marry him and replied, "I don't like my sister." . Otherwise, mom will give me a puppy, white! ! "

Free child

Dudu clamored for his mother to buy him a piggy bank. His mother teased Dudu and asked him what to buy first after saving money. Dudu excitedly told his mother that he was going to buy sanitary napkins. "What to buy? ! "Mom opened her eyes wide and thought she heard wrong. Dudu replied: "Buy sanitary napkins! It is often said on TV that as long as you use sanitary napkins, you can stand upside down, ride a bike, row a boat and swim freely in the swimming pool ... "Mom fainted!

Auntie Tiger

Dudu clamored for his father to take him to the circus. Dad leaned lazily on the sofa, unwilling to move, yawned and said, "No, son, I don't have time." Dudu said, "Listen to the children, there is a naked aunt dancing on the tiger in the circus." Dad thought for a moment and said, "Well, let's go together. I haven't seen a tiger for a long time. "

Popular children

After June 1st, the children got together and performed. Wu Xuanxuan is the best. She went on stage to play the piano. After the performance, the parents who watched the show kept shouting for her to play another one. Teacher An An asked Xuanxuan if she wanted to play another song. As a result, Xuanxuan was so anxious that she was about to cry: "I didn't play wrong. Why should I play it again? "

Dating an angel

Xiaoyudian was so excited when she flew for the first time that she ran around in the aisle and almost knocked over the drinks on the stewardess's hands. Mom was busy with luggage and children, and she was really overwhelmed. She blamed Xiaoyu and said, "If you want to play, go out and play."

I love Ann!

Dudu especially likes the beautiful teacher An An. One day, he finally got up the courage to say to the teacher, "Teacher, I like you!" " "Teacher An An teased him with a smile and said," But I don't like children. "Dudu hurriedly said to Ann," I'll be careful. There will be no children. " Teacher An fainted!

Listening to the radio in the dormitory that day, I heard a very young girl order a song for her mother. She said that her mother was very hard and couldn't rest on Sunday, so she wanted to order a song for her mother. Hearing this, the master said, "What a sensible child. What song do you want to give your mother? " The little girl said in a childish voice, "I want to buy new women in Winnie, so why bother women?" .

Raindrop (female, two and a half years old, a child in a kindergarten class)

Raindrop is only two and a half years old. She is a child in a small kindergarten class. On this day, the students in the small class played games, and the teacher poured a basket of building blocks on the table to let the friends in the small class play freely. I saw raindrops lined up blocks in front of me, then pushed them forward and shouted, "I am Hu!" " "

Xiao Duo (male, four years old, a child in Class 3 of kindergarten)

Xiaoduo and her mother went shopping, and as a result, her mother lost her baby. Xiaoduo cried and asked her uncle and aunt in the street, "Have you seen my mother? There is a little fat man beside my mother! ! "

Teacher An An (a female teacher in Class 3 of kindergarten)

Teacher An's boyfriend came to see Teacher An in kindergarten today. When the children saw someone coming, they all rushed to show their kindness and shouted, "Teacher, teacher, your father is coming to pick you up." The teachers fainted.

Dudu (male, four years old, kindergarten class three children)

Dudu VS ant

Mom asked Dudu to help dry the clothes. Dudu just watched a group of ants moving bugs in the yard. His mother Jiao Yu said, "Look how hardworking ants are and never waste time playing." DuDu said unconvinced, "But every time I travel to the suburbs, I always meet them."

The caterpillar and its mother

Today's weather is so good that even the caterpillars come out to play. Dudu proudly showed Mr. An a crawling caterpillar in his hand. But teacher An An trembled at the sight of the caterpillar, and hurriedly coaxed the children to play: "Get it outside quickly, its mother must be looking for it." Dudu turned and ran out of the classroom, and Teacher An was relieved. Who knows DuDu came in after a while, with two caterpillars crawling on his arm, and said to Teacher An An, "Teacher, I also brought the moth."

Dudu quotations

DuDu's growing experience: If you want to buy expensive toys, it's better to tell grandpa than dad.

Dudu's ideal: if I grow up to be a woman, I will become a doctor; If I grow up, I will be an engineer.

DuDu's concept of love when he was three years old: We all fall in love with relatives, such as my grandparents, uncles and aunts.

Dudu's two-year plan when he was five years old: When I finish kindergarten, I will start thinking about finding a wife for myself.

Dudu's most shameful past: I was so tired one afternoon that I fell asleep unconsciously when I was defecating in kindergarten.

Dudu beat dad:

Dad scolded DuDu: "You are so stupid, you are really a little pig!" " Do you know what a pig is? "

Dudu: "Yes, it's the son of a pig."

Dudu is very disdainful to his mother: Mother: "Be careful not to eat the bugs in the apple!" " "

Dudu: "Why should I be careful? It's time for it to pay attention to me! "

You can trust me.

An old woman is sitting on a chair in the park. Dudu, who was playing with children on the lawn, suddenly ran over and asked, "Grandma, is your tooth okay?" Grandma kindly replied, "No, it's all gone." So Dudu confidently took out a bag of walnuts and said, "Please hold it for me, and I'll play ball."

Today, my little uncle came home and saw Dudu sitting on the ground playing with building blocks seriously. He casually asked him, "Does your teacher give you music lessons?" Dudu replied: "Of course! Teacher An An also taught us to sing ducklings last week. " Little uncle wanted to test him, so he asked DuDu to sing a new song. Dudu thought for a moment and seemed a little at a loss. After a while, he suddenly twisted his waist and shook his ass and sang, "The woman I love the most loves me the most. Why do you love others behind my back? " Little uncle was dumbfounded.

Music cell

In order to cultivate Dudu's artistic accomplishment, his father took him to the concert hall to enjoy the violin concert. One hour, two hours passed, and the performers on the stage continued to perform ... Finally DuDu was really fed up. He asked loudly, "Dad! When can he saw that wooden box? " Dad fainted.

Funny quotations with super drag and personality

1, alongside big money-it is the gentlest way to rob the rich and help the poor.

First love is the easiest sacrifice on the altar of youth.

3. After marriage, men are like tablecloths, which only appear when eating.

4. If my name can decide to change my destiny, I want to change my name to Qian Duoduo …

5. Don't talk to me about life. Talk to me about strangers!

6, everyone is drunk, I woke up alone, I am not serious!

7. Be a rogue with temperament, a pervert with taste, and an illiterate with knowledge.

8. A woman with a variety of amorous feelings is a lighter, and a woman who doesn't know amorous feelings is a fire extinguisher.

9. I want to cry when I hear "I love you" for the first time, laugh when I hear "I love you" for the second time and laugh when I hear "I love you" for the third time.

10, the effect of shedding tears on the wound is the same as that of sprinkling salt on the wound.

1 1. I won't betray love, because I know nothing. I am cautious about love because I don't know much about it. I refuse to love Trinidad, because I know everything.

12, the wife will tell the man how much the vegetables are, and the lover will tell the man how many stars there are in the night sky.

13. Philosopher's love is a discussion topic, writer's love is a composition topic, mathematician's love is a calculation topic, politician's love is a judgment topic, and ordinary people's love is to fill a boring life with love.

14, girls like men who play guitar because they create poems; Women like men who play with cotton because they create benefits.

15, going out is different!

16, when men and women flirt, the most distinctive Chinese character is born: bump.

17, three points mean: bigger, thicker and longer.

18, don't propose to me. I said yes as soon as I proposed.

19, stars can't see mental retardation without interviews.

20. Long time no see, bitch. I heard that you became a man and a bitch?

2 1, everyone has a dark side. If you say you are simple, I can only say that you are not human!

22, occasionally often in a daze!

23. The wife is the lover of the big tree, and the big tree grows a piece of grass to walk the birds in the cool. Harmonious society is green and environmentally friendly.

24, shameless is also a quality! Missing is a kind of neuropathy!

25, gold will always shine or sperm will always run out!

26, teacher, you wait for the old woman to let the Buddha marry!

27. Don't write love letters with glasses like dad.

28. Before talking about friends, I first asked others if they had any friends. Now you have to ask others if they are gay. Dizzy!

29. People who dress well in daily life should not pay.

30. Men want to lock the zipper of women's wallets. Women should lock the zipper of men's pants.

3 1, go home early on business trip, call downstairs first and at least give them time to get dressed.

32. I think there will be such a curse word on 12' s curse list: Have you joined the Chinese Writers Association?

33, the original pronunciation is to know the word!

The purpose of installing a mirror in the bathroom is to let people pee and look in the mirror.