There was once a man who loved me as much as his life.

After you left, so did I. I hope there will be no accidents in my life.

On the day Mei Mei left, there was cloudless weather in Wan Li. I think even God silently supported my decision. I stood in front of the big French window and looked at the clear but fleeting beautiful arc in the distance, thinking that my girl was on it.

After breaking up, Rosie once asked me, "Jia Yu, you're not going to see her again, are you?" I thought you would be reluctant. "

I said, "I'm afraid I'll put it on hold in my life." What should I do if I can't stand it? I can't give her anything but more harm. "

But I still came, the cold glow covered the gray earth layer by layer, and the girl I protected with my life had already disappeared from the hurried hall.

At that moment, I cried, Meimei. It suddenly occurred to me that we would say goodbye in this life. The last time we looked at each other, it was in an old house in the suburbs. The gunfire was thick and bloody. Oh, it's not romantic.

At the beginning of my life, I buried many tragic factors. They bounced uneasily in my absurd fate, rubbing out clusters of small flames, and then slowly gathered, burning me into a wasteland and rotting into a pool of bones.

Many years ago, although I was not a good man and a woman, and I didn't have any dogmatism, I never thought that I would wander on the edge of morality all my life. Now, everything has gone beyond the bottom line.

The color of the sun is getting stronger and stronger, which hurts my weak body. My eyes began to blur and my feet trembled a little. I tried to raise my neck, and the sky was blue. You left, so I went back.

The car glides slowly on the wide street, and the scenery outside the window is natural and elegant, which I knew before, but now I have no mood to watch. I forced myself to convince myself in my mind, Sun Jiayu, that this is the best ending, that simple and kind girl deserves a better future, and everything you have is just a burden in the end.

I wanted to laugh, but I lost the strength to open my mouth. I wiped the thin bones in my arms and began to cry.

A man in his thirties, crying like a child, stopped the car. When Rosie tried to help me, I held her hand and blurted out, "Don't move, I feel terrible."

At this time, my body has gradually withered, as if those young forces left me instantly and never looked back.

Rosie asked someone to help me pack. I asked him to wait for a while. He went to the pillow and took out a photo of Zhang Liangliang. If I never see that bright smile again in my life, I will let go and leave my last blessing in the book with our memories.

At that time, kind and loving men and women always told their love seriously and enthusiastically. Fortunately, it is easier to hear a word than to hold your hand and grow old with your son-choose a city to die and take a person to grow old together.

So I went back to Beijing. I think this city should be the place where that silly girl will choose to die. As for Baishi, it won't be me. If I can't stay, let it go. I will pray for you in the same place, Meimei, the Odessa girl who gave me the most beautiful time.

Compared with Odessa in September, the weather in Beijing is like being wrapped in a blazing flame, which makes people's hearts tense. Most of the people next to me are talking about authentic Beijing movies, and my nose suddenly feels sour. After saying goodbye for a long time, the beauty of foreigners is not as good as that of locals. I was in a wheelchair and suddenly wanted to shout at the sky, but I was silent. I, for a long time, have no strength.

There are many lovers saying goodbye in the front hall. I watched a girl on the side fight back tears, pecked her lover's lips in front of her and said, "I love you until I come back." Then it quickly became a general shadow and poured into the crowd.

I don't know if this is a simple sentence that that silly girl refused to disclose at that time.

In the past, I named it our love.

In just a few days, the sky above us changed color. After you left, so did I. I hope there will be no accidents in my life.

At the end of my life, the only thing I don't want to leave you is an eternal injury. Then it will be like running water, you will become the beauty of others, and you will be happy all your life.

I will always be glad that you left the city where we live together with resentment. Only in this way will you bury me in the corner and move forward bravely. I know someone will love you, but I'm actually afraid that he will love you more than I do.

When Xiaoyao came, I was staring at the little girl chewing ice cream in front, with two braids hanging down in the dark and smiling naively at passers-by.

"Second, I am willing to show off in an ostentatious manner. I haven't seen you for many years. I have nothing to lose in my heart. Let's go and chat with my buddy. "

Xiaoyao quickly jumped behind me and became the younger brother of the cart, but actually I saw his eyes were wet and red.

I sighed, "Xiaoyao, don't feel sorry for me. I am back, and I can stay with you for at least a month. "

"What are you talking about? Give me a strong life and let everyone who owes you watch. Your Sun Jia is no worse than anyone else. "

Xiaoyao cried, and so did I.

I have always lived according to my own wishes, but my fate always deviates.

Suddenly the cuff tightened, and when I looked back, it was the delicate little girl who jumped out and showed a small white tooth. She said angrily, "Uncle doesn't cry. If I give you candy, it won't be hard to eat."

A meaty little white hand stretched out in front of me, and there were two candies with pink wrapping paper lying quietly on it. I nodded and reached for it.

A young man and a young woman rushed to the front, took the little girl's hand and apologized to me, then turned around and passed the security check. I looked at their warm and sweet backs and wondered when God would give me such an ending, even though I had missed my beloved girl.

Xiao Yao drove me to a hotel. I ordered a good table, and I was secretly fighting. I will eat even if I die, otherwise how can I go home? I deliberately didn't look in the mirror during this time, but it's not hard to imagine what it would be like in the late stage of cancer.

Finally, I chickened out. The heartburn in my stomach almost made me faint, but I bit my tongue desperately in an attempt to use this blood to resist the increasingly impure consciousness.

Xiaoyao held me in a panic and shouted like a waiter. When I turned my head, I shook my palm and cried. "Elder brother, elder brother, you can't do this. Liu Yi is still waiting for you at home, elder brother, you hold on, elder brother ... "

I smiled weakly at him and couldn't spit out a word.

When the ambulance came, Xiaoyao picked me up and rushed over in one step. I don't know if he is too strong or if I have really become so thin.

My eyes are full of misty fog, and the pain almost makes me unable to take a breath of oxygen. I even had hallucinations. Scenes of the past float in front of us, and finally freeze on innocent smiling faces. I found the location of the little demon and tried my best to vaguely say its name, "Bible".

When I woke up again, the book appeared in front of me. Xiaoyao looked at me for a long time with a book in one hand, sighed and stuffed the book into my arms.

I think he has guessed, lowered his head, took out the photo and posted it on my left chest, saying, "I don't want to drag her down."

To this day, I don't know if this decision is right, but I believe that as long as I am in her life, her pain will continue to extend.

"Elder brother, Fan Miao is coming ..."

I think I'm light enough. In fact, she has become my past. At this time, my hand is still in my heart. I cocked my index finger and nodded. "No matter why she came, it's already been taken. Do you understand? "

Xiao Yao nodded and went out, quietly in the ward without being disturbed.

Fan Miao, maybe from now on, my only memory of her is the woman who looks a bit like Mei Mei.

It was already dark, and for the sixty-seventh time, I lost my weak body temperature.

But I think, I still want to sleep, because this number will grow until the end of my life.

That night, I had a long and sweet dream, but I didn't want to share it with anyone. I can only say that God gave me that ending, although it was only in a dream.

The corridor in the morning is always echoed with hurried footsteps. I know, that is their struggle for countless lives.

The door of the room was suddenly pushed open, and I saw the familiar but unfamiliar face. She is getting old.

"Mom ..."

"Jia Yu ..."

As if the air were frozen in this second, I finally threw myself into this warm embrace like many years ago. The familiar smell crawled into my nasal cavity and condensed into big tears.

Since then, my mother has always talked about my old friends in my ear, and I will listen patiently, like a curious child.

When the weather became colder and colder, I was taken home by my mother to take care of it.

People in China don't celebrate Halloween. One day in June 2003 1 65438+1October1,I went to a very humble western restaurant, gave the girl in a white skirt a considerable tip and played a song "I celebrate my love for you tonight" for me.

Tonight I celebrate my love for you.

This seems to be a natural thing.

No one will find us tonight.

We will leave the world behind.

When I have sex with you

……….

………

At the end of the song, the girl in white looked at me with joy in her eyes. I said, "You don't play as well as her."

Then I left.

I seldom go out in the future. Xiaoyao often comes to accompany me. From his eyebrows, I can see that he met love, and when, I was so happy.

He always wanted to know the story of that photo by innuendo, but I just smiled and said nothing. That's the brightest place in my heart. I'm afraid that if I say it, God will take it back with jealousy.

At the end of the year, Qiu Wei also came. At that time, my mother was pinching my face with two extra pieces of meat and laughing happily. Only I knew that my life was going to fail.

Qiu Wei and I sat on the steps in the yard, and for a long time no one broke the peace.

Finally, I spoke first. "Brother, give me a cigarette."

Qiu Wei did not refute. After he ordered it for me, he ordered one himself.

After spitting a few times, he didn't look at me and said, "Sun Xiao, I lost contact with Mei Zhao, too."

This is the first time I have heard this name from others since I returned to Beijing for several months. My heart stopped beating, and then I felt a huge force supporting it, making me unable to breathe.

"You know, I still can't agree with your decision that day. During the days when you were in prison, that silly girl wiped her tears all night and told me the next day as if nothing had happened. Brother Qiu, don't worry, Jiayu will be fine. "

"Now I don't want anything else. I only hope that this silly girl has really made a decision and walked back to the original road. "

Qiu Wei sighed and patted his thigh. The sun shone on him, and I couldn't see his expression clearly.

"Well, Jiayu, I'm not here to spite you. I think you have the right to know this, and I think you should also want to know this. "

On that day, I sat there for a long time and thought a lot, but I didn't seem to think anything.

Everyone has a grand dream when he is young. When those gorgeous and rich young people are gone, how many dreams have not been broken?

Now, that silly girl is still young, and her dream is precious. I am glad that when I am old, I can help her climb to the top and the elegant music hall. If so, is the bystander worth it compared with losing your life?

Dad's death took away a lot of human feelings. On the day of the first day, the home was particularly deserted, which was even more incompatible with the firecrackers outside. But my mother doesn't think it's a busy morning to start cooking from the early morning.

Looking at her slightly hunched back, to be honest, I really don't want to disappoint him, but I can't hold my appetite and fight hard.

That day, I had my first chemotherapy. When I came out, I saw my mother holding Dave's skirt and crying, saying that I was his only hope.

In 2004, I only wore a white shirt once. Valentine's day, I think you will like it.

I showed all the symptoms of patients at all stages of chemotherapy, the most obvious being thinning hair. I threw away all the light-colored clothes to cover up the hair loss on my shoulders.

I was trapped at home all winter because my body could no longer resist such cold weather.

When the first snow came, my thoughts followed the north. If I knew this life would end like this, would I choose to be buried with you in the snow of new Kawara Tsutomu Skazquez that day?

Life becomes a regular two-point line. I always pay close attention to the roadside scenery, thinking that I will never see it again if I don't know that day.

The pain of chemotherapy made me want to give up or die several times. A few months later, I borrowed a nurse's mirror, looked at myself and thought of an idiom-dying.

My appetite is getting worse. At first, I could hardly pretend to eat in front of my mother. I vomited whatever I ate afterwards. For ten months, I have been holding that spiritual food and thinking about the paradise on earth in Odessa.

I have experienced three women in my life, all of whom I loved with love, but when I closed my eyes, only one face was clear, and I even forgot the names of the other two.

After so many ups and downs, I feel much calmer in the face of death. Only my mother spends less and less time with me. I know she's just hiding in the corner crying.

At the beginning of September, the doctor had a long talk with his mother. I don't know the content. I only remember that when my mother came back, her eyes were red and she said, Good luck, let's go home.

I nodded and said, ok.

Since then, Xiao Yao has taken me all over Beijing, and I haven't left behind at all.

My girl, I really want to remember this place where you and I are going to die.

That night, I came back from my father's grave, opened the rough Bible, handed the photo to Xiaoyao and said, "His name is Mei Zhao, my silly girl, a beautiful girl. Gave me the best years in Odessa. "

I closed my eyes and recalled my time in Odessa. Scene after scene was obviously terrible. It turns out that I still owe her a dream of dying in Austria.

Silly girl, don't blame me. How did you know? Actually, I don't want to leave.

How can I leave?

I took the photo and looked at it.

"Xiaoyao, if I were selfish and left him, I wouldn't be so afraid on the road."

I didn't wait for his answer, but I was afraid to hear it.

It's getting white, but I can't seem to see the rising sun in Ran Ran.

My girl, I wish you peace and joy all your life.

Farewell.

-Sun Jiayu