The mood log of the past twenty-seven years

At the age of six or seven, I was deeply impressed by holding my cousin Hai Xia's hand. I remember that my third aunt came to my house with my cousin Hai Xia. At that time, the fields near the abandoned Yellow River in the north began to harvest crops. My mother and my third aunt went to the fields to be busy, and Hai Xia and I played at home. After noon, I took Hai Xia's hand and walked all the way from home to the fields where my mother and my third aunt went. On the way, there is a pond by the road. The pond flooded the roadside after the rain, so that the road was muddy. Little Hai Xia stepped into the mud and his shoes were covered with mud.

I'm still seven. My second aunt came to my house with Xiao Lili and Xiao Tingting. That afternoon, my mother and my second aunt went to the field to inspect the fields, leaving Xiao Lili and Xiao Tingting to play with my brother at home. It was late summer and early autumn, and it was still a little hot. My brother and I stayed at home for a while and felt that it was not enough. My brother and I decided to take Xiao Lili and Xiao Tingting to the river in the east. Xiao Lili and Xiao Tingting followed my brother and me to play in Donghe. In the process of playing, my brother and I jumped into the river together, and Xiao Tingting jumped into the river together. Xiao Lili was afraid, so she didn't jump into the river. My brother and I played in the river, and Xiao Tingting squatted on the shore and slapped the river with her hands. Later, Xiao Lili couldn't resist the fun of playing with water and finally joined our team, so our four children had a good time in the river. By four o'clock in the afternoon, my mother and my second aunt came back. My second aunt walked to the side of the road and saw Xiao Lili and Xiao Tingting playing naked with me and my brother in the river. She angrily told Xiao Tingting and Xiao Lili to get out of the river. So Xiao Tingting and Xiao Lili walked naked from the river to the shore, took off their clothes and went ashore. My mother also told me and my brother to hurry back, so my brother and I also came out of the river and walked to the shore with clothes left by the river. My second aunt angrily scolded naked little Lili and Tingting. However, at that time, I didn't know why Er Yi would scold Xiao Lili and Tingting. At that time, I thought it was harmless for children under the age of ten to be naked, but my second aunt angrily scolded Xiao Lili and Xiao Ting. At that time, Xiao Lili was eleven years old and Xiao Tingting was eight years old. I remember when I looked at Xiao Lili and Xiao Tingting naked, I had no wild thoughts at all. Instead, it feels normal and natural. At that time, I was thinking, I really don't know why my second aunt was angry and scolded Xiao Lili and Xiao Tingting. Maybe, at that time, my second aunt was very painful when she saw Xiao Lili and Xiao Tingting naked.

When I was a child, I often kissed my brother mouth to mouth. I remember sometimes waking up in the morning, my brother and I hid in the quilt and kissed at will, just like adult male and female friends, putting our tongues into each other's mouths and drooling. After kissing for a while, my brother and I came out of the quilt and vomited. After vomiting, we continued to kiss. At that time, my mother was busy eating breakfast. Maybe my brother and I didn't notice when we kissed in the quilt. Otherwise, my brother and I may be beaten by my mother with a rope.

He is only seven or eight years old. One night, my sister was taking a bath at home, and my brother offered to peek at her taking a bath. My brother and I sneaked a peek at her taking a bath through the crack of the door. Just when my brother and I started peeking through the door, I didn't see what my sister found outside, so I heard her angrily reprimanding in the room. My brother and I ran away with guilt.

When I was eight years old, I played with Xiao Dajing several times by the haystack next to the second soldier's house. I took off my pants and my own pants. Then I open the skin of Xiao Dajing's bird, open the skin of my own bird, and then aim my bird at Xiao Dajing's bird. I only feel that the head of the opened bird touched the head of Xiao Dajing's bird. At that time, Xiao Dajing was too painful to let me use it like this.

It can be seen from here that at the age of eight, my feelings about sex have sprouted, or at the age of seven, I have already felt about sex. I remember when I was in the first grade, there was an iron climbing pole on the playground of Weibei Primary School, which was used by physical education class to exercise. Once when I was climbing the pole with my legs between my legs, I suddenly felt an indescribable pleasure on the bird's head, so I climbed the pole with my legs between my legs, and the pleasure became stronger and stronger, accompanied by a little pain when the bird's head touched the waistband after the scalp was turned out. When I was in the second grade, I began to fantasize about the female class teacher who taught a group of second-grade children. When I was eight years old, I wouldn't fantasize about female classmates in the same grade, but I would fantasize about beautiful female teachers who I thought were in their twenties and thirties. When I sleep at night, I will think about doing that to those female teachers who I think are beautiful.

Torture yourself for atonement.

At the age of seven, I entered the first grade of primary school and began to study. The head teacher is a woman in her thirties. In my impression, the class teacher seems to be very strict. I remember that Weibei Primary School was still in the unfinished stage of renovation. There are two lime pits in the south of the playground, and the lime pits are covered with a layer of oil paper cloth. At that time, for fun, I was walking on the narrow road between two lime pits, slipped and stepped into the south. When I tried to climb up, I walked gingerly to the classroom. The headteacher saw it and hit me a few times. Then she asked Pan Changlin to take me home, change my clothes and come back. Pan Changlin carried me by half, and I went home alone. Pan Changlin returned to his home. Later, I changed my clothes and went to Weibei Primary School alone. I went to Pan Changlin's house on the way and went to school with Pan Changlin. On my way to school, I expressed my dissatisfaction with the school. I remember Pan Changlin, who felt wronged and complained that he was a child, saying that Weibei Primary School was going to be bombed by a plane. Pan Changlin also complained that he would blow up Weibei Primary School by plane.

There are few memories of the first grade of primary school. I remember once, maybe it was the first grade of primary school. At that time, my classmates and I were playing by the tree altar on the west side of the playground, and one of them was crying by me. In order to prevent that classmate from complaining to the teacher, I tried every means to coax the classmate who was beaten and cried by me. At that time, I thought, maybe I can achieve the result of "atonement" through self-torture. I don't know how I came up with this stupid way of self-abuse to "atone". I climbed to the tree altar and then jumped sideways to the ground. I only feel that my head was hurt by the marble beside the flower bed. At that time, I thought that classmate would not blame me for hitting him. Maybe that classmate went to report to the teacher again later. I don't remember the result. Maybe the teacher taught me a lesson that time.

When I was eight years old, I entered the second grade of primary school and began to study. The head teacher is a female teacher in her twenties. At that time, I already knew a lot of Chinese characters, and reading was not a problem. Although I don't know some words, it doesn't prevent me from reading those extracurricular books, such as novels. I remember at that time, there were many books in my father's bookcase, one of which was a novel written by Lu Yao. I remember reading that novel when I was free. What impressed me deeply was the novella Life. I remember when I read this novel, the scenes in the novel came into my eyes like images. I remember the story written in the novel is about a teacher named Gao Jialin. I like reading some stories about Gao Jialin. I remember reading Lu Yao's Ordinary World, and the scene in the ordinary world was not very impressive.

The female classmate's trousers were brutally cut.

Children are always not so strong, and there will always be some diseases inadvertently. I remember that at that time, my cheeks suffered from several diseases. In the dialect of coastal areas, this disease on my cheek is called bulging cheeks. At the time of onset, my cheeks were swollen badly. The treatment method is generally to mash the cactus, apply the mashed cactus mud under the diseased mouth, and then take some anti-inflammatory drugs. But at that time, as long as his cheeks bulged carelessly, he would drop out of school for a week or two and resume classes when Feng was about to recover. I remember that I was so angry at home for a while that I didn't finish the homework assigned by the Chinese teacher when I went to school after recovery, so I made up my homework in class. The Chinese teacher is the head teacher. She saw that I was doing my homework, so she took my exercise book and read it. I thought at that time, this is not good, and I will be criticized if I don't finish my homework. However, to my surprise, the Chinese teacher praised my calligraphy in front of the whole class and asked the whole class to learn from me. I was embarrassed for a moment and didn't know what to do. At that time, I felt that my writing was not good, and the Chinese teacher said that my writing was not good. I was confused at the time. I really can't understand the smell of that China teacher.

But to be honest, after being praised by the teacher, my future study is particularly motivated. At that time, my grades were among the best in my class, and my Chinese and math scores were more than 90 points in the exam. At that time, there was a classmate in the class named Yan Siqi, who was the son of the principal of Weibei Primary School at that time. He is chubby and his academic performance has always been among the best. That classmate's father, Yan Siqi, lives near the east gate of the school and opens a small shop to sell snacks. At that time, our primary school students always went to Yan Siqi's father's shop to buy snacks after class.

There was a girl named Bi Yiting sitting next to me at that time. Once, Bi Yiting sat near me, so I selfishly warned Bi Yiting that she was sitting too far away. Then I took out my pencil sharpener and drew a line between Bi Yiting and me. As a result, Bi Yiting's pants were scratched a little. I didn't take it to heart originally. Who knows, the next Saturday, I was at home on holiday, and my father was at home at that time. Bi Yiting's father came to my house and complained to my father that I cut Bi Yiting's pants. As a result, my dad gently pulled my ear and casually asked me why I cut the girl's pants. That was the only time my father scolded me. I don't know, maybe my father couldn't bear to hit me, or maybe he didn't care about his children's education at all. In a word, my father blamed me for simply pulling my ear after I cut the girl's pants at the age of eight, which was completely different from my father's insistence on letting my mother abort my image. Of course, when my mother came home from church and my father told my mother what I had done, my mother whipped me with a rope and made me kneel on the ground to reflect and repent.

After school started on Monday, I held a grudge against Bi Yiting. I told my little friend Cheng Guohu that Bi Yiting's father came to my house to complain. Cheng Guohu listened to my words and blamed Bi Yiting for being too boring. Cheng Guohu blamed Bi Yiting for cutting her pants, but it was a trivial matter. What's worth telling your parents? At this time, Bi Yiting was so wronged that she almost cried, and she didn't want to tell her father. It's just that when her father was washing her pants, he found traces of being cut by a small knife on her pants and asked her how the traces on her pants were made. She didn't tell her father at first, but later she said that I cut her pants under the threat of her father's righteous words. In this way, things became clear, but at that time, I still couldn't swallow that tone, thinking that girls were girls, so narrow-minded.