It's easy to get angry and want to cry.

First and foremost, we should fully understand the harm of bad temper.

Uncontrolled anger may do harm to our interpersonal relationship and health.

Note that we are talking about appropriately restraining our anger and anger, not controlling, suppressing, etc. Controlling anger is not a good idea. Emotions are like this. It's like an inflated tire. If it doesn't exist here, it will bulge there, and it will burst sooner or later at high speed. As long as we restrain ourselves, the advantage lies in adjusting the appropriate air pressure-insufficient inflation will become lifeless and inhuman, leading to mechanical cold blood. If it is inflated excessively, it will become "dangerous", threatening others and hurting yourself.

"I try to suppress it (anger). But people can often see my emotions.

People who disagree with me may not notice at all; But close family and friends, those I care about, usually notice my outrageous anger, which may scare them, even though I have tried to control my anger so as not to hurt them. "

- @ Michelle_ 1486

In social life, we always contact and associate with others, hoping to get their goodwill, friendship, appreciation and cooperation (of course, it can't be everyone, at least people we care about), otherwise, we will feel lonely, lonely, lifeless and unable to move.

Anger can lead to violence and dangerous behaviors, including drug and alcohol abuse. Most importantly, anger can seriously damage relationships with family, friends and colleagues.

No matter what form we take to vent our anger, our uncontrolled anger will have a negative impact on our physical health and emotional health. Studies have shown that anger and hostility will increase people's chances of suffering from coronary heart disease and make people who already have heart disease worse. Anger can also lead to stress-related problems, including insomnia, digestive problems and headaches.

Our behavior is regulated and controlled by consciousness. Knowing the harm of bad temper, knowing that it may not work for the enemy, but it will hurt the people you care about, can you have a desire to get rid of bad temper from your heart. (including you who are willing to open this article, you are also a kind person and look forward to getting better. )

Second, understand your anger.

Anger comes from feeling "unfair or unequal". Yelling is not the only way to express anger. Anger takes different forms.

Some people will raise their voices unconsciously when they are angry, and some people will choose silence when they are angry, or they can't stop thinking about the events that make them angry. To some extent, in the case of anger, there will be a feeling of "thinking blank period" and "emotional short circuit", during which you can hardly think rationally.

For example, recently, 16-year-old girl was killed by her biological father before the entrance examination, "a man threw a one-year-old child out of the window to jump off a building by himself", "a teacher's mother was cheated into divorce and took her daughter to jump off a building", "courier brother killed his wife in the street because of emotional discord" and so on. These behaviors in anger have led to unpredictable consequences and hurt their loved ones.

Remember this sentence "treat others as yourself, treat yourself as others", which is what we often say. Only in this way can we always think of others and respect their interests and needs. Only by learning to put yourself in others' shoes, always think of others and respect their interests and needs can we be warm, considerate and caring for others, so that we will not be impulsive and opinionated, and we will be calm and think twice before acting.

Third, keep angry but restrain in time, some strategies:

1. Anger may be caused by internal and external events.

You may be angry with someone, a group of people, or traffic jams, vomiting like a star, etc.

No matter where the trigger point of anger comes from, we don't have to avoid anger for the time being. Suppress your anger. Here are some suggestions to help you stay calm and angry:

Consciously adjust your own language and behavior, try to get rid of those languages and behaviors that annoy and disgust others and make them a habit.

Respect for our natural reaction, instant static deep breathing;

In the case of anger, we usually fall into a "blank period" where we can't think. When we realize that we are in strong negative emotions, it may be difficult for us to make wise choices. The first reaction training-respect the irrational and irrational thoughts brought by this instinctive reaction, restrain yourself, keep 1~5 minutes without any reaction or action (instantaneous static method), constantly adjust and take a deep breath, and leave the present for a short time.

2. Be patient and distract yourself:

Negative emotions, it takes some time to reduce. Encourage yourself to be gentle with our little emotions. Before the emotion disappears, gently maintain sympathy and respect for yourself.

Pay more attention to people and things from a positive perspective, pay more attention to the advantages of others, try to force yourself to be grateful for what you have now, keep mindfulness, consciously reach out to people outside the incident, try to integrate into the collective, collect more opinions from the collective, find an alliance to speak for us, pay attention to the comments of people outside the incident, and look at the matter itself with the help of others' perspectives.

When you are about to get angry, there is a trick to divert your attention:

For example, the tongue turns 10 times in the mouth, or wants to do something else; Suggest that you "can't bear to be small, you will have great plans", or hang some calligraphy and painting to suppress your temper in obvious places at home, such as "forbearance" (a bit like "forbearance" in young and dangerous movies, right? People in Jianghu also have ways to control their impulses, and those who can't bear it often suffer the consequences.

Try to relax and try to calm yourself down in various ways.

We often say that relaxation is the antidote to anger.

Relaxation reaction can effectively fight anger, find various ways to reduce inner tension, and the mood will be neutralized. Try to stay in a relaxing space and some music background.

Relaxation is a simple strategy to relieve negative emotions. For example, deep breathing+relaxation posture, often practice how to relax yourself, so that when anger comes, it will become easier to use them habitually.