Narcissistic funny quotations

1, for the sake of the next generation of the motherland, fall in love no matter how ugly, and talk about a world full of love.

2. My sister said: Simple people are stupid. Think about it: no wonder I'm not simple,

3. I am not a lady. Why? I hate it when girls eat a jiaozi and divide it into dozens, so I just take one bite.

Happiness is that you can sleep for half an hour when you wake up and look at the clock. 〃

God: I sincerely hope that all lovers can drown and everyone who flies with me can fall to death-Amen.

6. Life is like an angry bird. There are always a few pigs laughing when they fail.

7, the exam does not turn over the book, it is simply a pig, don't panic if you do fake, you must install it when you catch it.

In the present weather, instant noodles can be directly soaked in tap water. ※

9. Since all otaku call themselves Madame Curie, the otaku is called Picasso.

10, I just want to turn gracefully, but I accidentally hit the wall.

1 1, after this village, there is this store; Because there are branches here.

12, I think at the beginning, I stamped my foot in the morgue: stand up if you disagree! Nobody dares to gasp ~ ~

13, thin in summer, mosquitoes everywhere, a kiss and a red mark, dare to take off makeup.

14, hee hee and haha are brothers. One day, haha died. Hee hee went to the funeral and said something shocking: haha, you are dead.

15, Lao Tzu said: narcissism+brain damage = self-mutilation.

16, only 10086, who cares about me when I have no money, sends me short messages every day and never refuses to call him. .......

17, don't despise me yet. I'll give you a number plate, wait in line first, and then despise you when it's your time.

18, did you turn around at LV? Not because you are wearing a famous brand! But seeing you in donkey skin! LV= donkey

Please put away your insincerity and roll towards the sun.

20. Love is like poop. Once the water is washed away, it will never come back ~ ~ Love is like poop, ~ Love is like poop, and sometimes it's just a fart after a long effort!

2 1, man, you must live well to be worthy of your old-age insurance ~ ~

After 22 and 90, I went to primary school in the face of SARS, junior high school in the face of bird flu and senior high school in the face of swine flu. Now that I'm out of society, everyone says that 20xx is the end of the world.

23. People say I am white. I just put flour on my body

24. buying a blade is not expensive. Marry a daughter-in-law, night rose, mistress and fox sister, and have a son, the Flying Tigers.

The only difference between Superman and me is that he likes red underwear and I like pink underwear.

26. I am 23 years old, handsome and sober. I studied literature at the age of seven, practiced martial arts at the age of nine, and picked up girls at the age of 12. He knows everything about astronomy and geography above, but little about it below. Every time he goes out for a walk, he often comes back with a beautiful woman and a handsome guy jumps off a building. He is kind-hearted and helpful. In primary school, the Chinese teacher explained the meaning of handsome boy, which puzzled me. My deskmate secretly handed me a small mirror. I took a picture. Oh, I suddenly understand. . .

27. It is said that when I was born, there was a piece of auspicious cloud in the northern sky, which gradually floated to my roof from far and near and became a word: handsome.

28. After seeing me, my father cried at the top of his lungs for a month and a half. He killed me and didn't believe that I was a child of his chromosome inheritance. He took a kitchen knife and rushed to my mother's bed several times, waving it to cut me into pieces. My mother used her death to protect me and let me live.

29. Grandpa has been suffering from glaucoma for more than ten years. I couldn't tell whether it was a man or a dog a meter away, but when I appeared in front of him, the old man was in tears and looked at himself. From then on, he said that he didn't want to see anyone again, so as to avoid endless troubles.

30. Later, in order to prove her innocence, the mother dragged her father to the hospital for paternity test. The doctor lifted the quilt, only looked at it and cried. He wiped his nose and said, go home. This is not your son, nobody. Humans can't give birth to such a handsome child. ......

3 1, a student nurse passed by and saw that I was still a baby. She immediately found a box of red inkpad, printed my fingerprints, spread her hair out at once, and muttered to me: long hair is for you, and I won't lose it if I don't marry you in my life. I will tidy up the ancient Buddha and tidy up my boudoir. ......

32. My mother hurried out and trotted all the way. She accidentally met an old lady waiting to have a baby in the obstetrics and gynecology department next door. The old lady took her mother and said kindly, son, what's the hurry? What's the matter with you? Don't hit the child. ......

33. My mother was so angry with her that she pulled the quilt away. As soon as the old lady saw me, she followed me like crazy. She burst into tears, fell to the ground, shook her head and screamed: I was born 50 years earlier! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Lightning mom ......

34. When I was fifteen, I was afraid to go to school. I dare not go to kindergarten for a long time. The children in kindergarten are crazy, and my face is swollen into watermelon by the little girl's kiss. My aunts beat up the children, if nothing else, just because they were born in the same year as me and the military and police were not there, it was enough to calm down the X storm.

35. There are people fishing in front of my house all the year round, and they never return empty-handed. The most interesting thing is that our home is 0/00 km away from the sea/kloc-,but they often catch tuna in the small stinking ditch in front of the door and look for turtle eggs behind the haystack. Later, after investigation, it turned out that there were countless women crying in front of my house all the year round. The composition of tears was rich in amino acids and protein, which was very suitable for tuna survival and turtle spawning. Over the years, those women's tears have gathered into a small beach. By the time I was fifteen, the beach was full of prosperity; By the time I was eighteen, the beach had developed so fast that it was called Hawaii.

36. Once I was really bored and sneaked out of the house at night. If I see a female animal, I'm going to run away. Who knows that after I went out, I didn't catch up except for a scream. I looked back carefully and they all fainted on the beach. ......

Interesting quotation

1. People come and go saying that you two are crazy, but you have to say: our image spokesperson, Haier Brothers.

Look at your face, it's a pimple on your face, and it's also a rash with a mask during SARS.

A flock of geese fly south and jump west when they see your face. Look how scary your face is.

4. Ah, nothing, but I suddenly thought of you when I went to the grave on Qingming Day. So many people are dead, why don't you die?

I am surprised that a rare species like you should be listed as a national first-class protected animal and exhibited at the World Expo.

6. Maybe you can contribute to the study of exotic species in China.

7. You should be pulled out of the henhouse and put in jail at once!

8. Frankly speaking, you can set up a brothel.

9. I'm not perfect, but I naturally admit it. What about you?

10. If someone scolds you, say it and say it again! Say it again if you can. If he says it again, say it. That's cute. He will scold you if you say it. Say it again if you can. If he doesn't talk, you can say it, but you dare not. Don't be so arrogant in the future, and then you can go.

1 1. A new generation of washing powder, a new generation of people! A new generation of dog men and women do-love can't close the door! Why don't you close the door? There is a man outside the door! What are men like? Just like you!

12. It's not your fault to be ugly, it's your fault to run out and scare people!

13. Your mother is loved by everyone! ~! See you in the car! ~! ~ open the coffin when you see your mother!

14. If you say you are stupid, you are stupid. Said that if you have a son, you have a son. Said that if you have a son, you have a son. Use shorts as vests! ! Haha ~ ~ absolutely a fool!

15. No matter what the other person says, you always answer that you have vegetables between your teeth.

16. If the other person says, nonsense, I didn't eat food today, you are surprised to say it was yesterday, and so on.

17. Because that is very common, if the other party speaks first. Funny quotations teach you to calm down and curse.

18. Look at the clothes you wear every day. Why don't you do something?

19. You are still pursuing fashionable hairstyles. Would you please look at your score of 38?

20. Nongfu Spring, which contains a bottle of its own tap water every day, still feels quite petty.

2 1. Said my man is a man with two legs, short of oil. It seems that your man is a three-legged toad.

22. Don't always live in Hibika. Your family is hungry. Go find Wang Cai next door.

23. You can say, do you want to eat? I can help you dig.

24. Don't always ask others why they don't want to talk to you, because it's too difficult for them to talk to you. Can you believe it?

I don't want to judge a book by its cover. I tried to see your soul. As a result, your soul is no more beautiful than your appearance.

26. Why didn't the country use your face to study bulletproof vests?

27. Excuse me, can I ask you for some faces? I don't think it matters if you have three layers outside your face.

28. If someone scolds you, you can say, I don't have a sister.

29. Did you treat dichlorvos as cola and let your head drink it at 80 cents and 12 Jin?

30. It's a pity that you don't go to the army. You are so ugly that more than half of you will die if you put it on the battlefield.

3 1. Even the nuclear bomb has been saved. If you had been born a few years earlier, there would not have been the Nanjing Massacre.

32. If I want to have a child, I must let you teach him, and I must teach him history. Look at your face, China will remember five thousand years.

Go home and look in the mirror and take a good look at yourself. How many onions are there on your head? If not, buy some and put them in your head. Play dumb.

Your parents are happy because of you, because you are too much like them, and you are not like a bought child.

35. You and your dad are standing on Qianmenlouzi Street in winter, with cigarettes in their mouths.

36. You are definitely your mother's own, otherwise how could your mother raise you such an asshole!

37. Do you want someone to hit me? Call out all the cats and dogs in your village.

38. Don't talk about her like that. She has a flower at the head of the village, but since she was a flower, cow dung has disappeared.

Don't swear easily, just put your mother in your pocket.

40. If the teacher hadn't said that littering was not allowed anywhere, I would have thrown you away.

4 1. This is also sustainable development, from this school to the present school.

42. Say I am jealous of you. Dry your tears and have a look.

43. I have nothing to show off in an ostentatious manner except that I am less shameless than you.

44. You mean your old mother has so many beautiful women? Do you feel good if your old mother hurts you? There are so many coquettish 13.

45. I want to talk to you about quality, but I can't stand you even if I endure shit and urine.

46. Do you deserve to talk about quality? Are you afraid of your mouth rotting? What are the skills of barking dogs? If you really bite me, it will be awesome.

47. Seeing you hanging out with men every day, who loves to watch you throw bones at you?

48. I think you are doing well now. Don't forget what kind of dog you were.

49. Seeing that you are getting weaker every day, I immediately understand what a young lady's body is like.

If you are educated by your mother, you will be taught how to stab others.

45 classic funny quotations-funny quotations

When I was a child, I usually sold popsicles and ice cream by pushing bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well. (It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks.

One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call his uncle, but he dialed the wrong number.

Say, "Dad, come and sit down!" ~ ~ cold! A bunch of classmates laughed to death.

Once I ordered a song at ktv, a mm shouted: Give me a stick-cut "Double Jay" every week.

In the past, the teacher handed out papers, and the girls at the back took one more and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it." As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine". The whole class was stunned ~ ~ ~ No way, who made me like to be lazy at work?

My friend's child is half a year old, so I'm calling to care about it. After a few commonplaces, he said: Is your child eating human milk or your milk now?

One night, I met an acquaintance and said, "Good morning."

In the evening, a roommate came into the room and announced loudly, "I watched the midnight edition of The American Ring today!" "

Because of business trip, I have to go to a domestic bank to repair equipment. After I got out of the hotel and got into a taxi, I said to the female driver, "Go to China Bank and find a hardware store to buy a knife." Sweat! I was going to buy a screwdriver. I didn't notice that I was wrong. At this time, the female driver kept looking at me and said, "Big Brother, I'm going to get off work. Please find a new taxi. " At that time, I was very angry and said, "What car did you stop at the hotel after work?" ! ? The female driver looked at me and said, "I don't want the fare after buying the knife. Please find another one. "dizzy! ! ! Only then did I realize that I was wrong, and I quickly explained it for a long time. Now that I think about it, I feel sorry for the female driver.

The political teacher once said in a lecture, "Let me give you an example." Then he felt wrong and said, "give me an example."

In junior high school, the teacher asked the translator. Who is this person? A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed and the teacher was speechless.

In the political class, I talked about the political problems between China and Japan, and talked about the Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section. The teacher said, "Japanese samurai were all delivered by caesarean section before they died ~ ~ ~"

When I was in college, one of my classmates just bought a mobile phone, got a mobile card and dialed 1860 to ask about it. At that time, he was excited: May I ask about your mobile phone business? . . From hands-free, we actually heard the telephone operator say politely: We are moving to bring business. . . The whole dormitory laughed wildly.

My husband is thin. Once I was in a hurry and said, "Honey, you look as thin as a pig!" " "

Original broadcast: Two gangsters wounded me 1 10 police and fled. The announcer read: Two gangsters wounded me 1 10 and ran away. (Huang Feihong reincarnated! )

One of our colleagues, when going to take the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner: report the instrument, the examiner is normal.

I remember once, when I went to KFC with a sister, I heard her muttering in the queue, a chicken leg burger and a pair of chicken wings. .....................................................................................................................................

Tell me about KFC's new "flesh and blood connection" (mutton kebabs have brittle bones) and let me take her to eat. It was extremely hot in Beijing these days, and I went to the restaurant in a daze.

I said to the smiling miss KFC: please give me two glasses of "blood", thank you! ............. is ashamed _!

A boy saw his uncle: "buy two dishes for uncle!" " "Uncle:" The child is so boastful that he can't even tell anyone! " "

A shy male classmate went to the canteen to have breakfast. In the window, the host asked him, "What do you want?" He lowered his head and said, "I want … I want … a steamed stuffed bun, a steamed stuffed bun." The master stared at him for a long time and asked, "What do you want? Say it again! " "I want a steamed stuffed bun, a steamed stuffed bun ... oh. Don't! A steamed bun, a loaf of bread! "

In English class, the teacher said, "Good morning, teacher!" " Student: "Good morning, student!" The whole class burst into laughter.

A classmate called a friend's house and his grandfather answered it. This classmate doesn't know what he is thinking. He just said, "Grandpa, I'm grandma ..." Suddenly he felt something was wrong and hung up with a bang. ...

A buddy once asked a girl he had long admired, ready to confess to her. They sat for a long time before he got up the courage to say to the girl, "Do you have a boyfriend?"

The girl replied shyly, "Not yet." He was ecstatic: "Then can you be my boyfriend?"

The wife asked reproachfully, you don't even know your grandmother's name? The husband is very wronged to answer, how should I know? My grandmother was only seven years old when I died.

Wife surprised: What? Husband quickly changed his mouth: no, no, my grandmother died at the age of seven!

My mother said to me before going out to play mahjong, "You put all your clothes in the refrigerator and put all your dishes in the washing machine."

Once I came out from my mother to find my wife. Seeing my wife, I habitually called out, "Mom!"

Two people bickered, and suddenly a man next to them came out and said, "You are really full and have nothing to do!" " "

In the unit's toast, a leader said, "I wish you good health ..." Hold your breath, and there will be no more words.

Old four in the dormitory got out of bed and looked for slippers for a long time. No, I asked everyone: Where are my slippers?

Once I went to buy mutton kebabs and put out four fingers and said to my boss, "Three mutton kebabs." The boss got "how much?" I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...

My surname is Zhu, the computer room of the management unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" That's when I yelled at that guy!

When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, "I want to go out!" " "

Just went to college, military training, the company commander didn't know where the accent was, and shouted the password-"Drill to the left!" "Drill to the right!"

When I was in college, I heard a girl order: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, not potatoes!

When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate. I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago. . . "What's more, the examiner sighed and said," Confucius' student. "

At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !

Tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying!

Me: "That's our physics teacher. . . "Classmate:" What do you teach? " Me: "Chemistry. . . "

One day when I was at school, a phone call came to me. My classmate answered, handed it to me and said, "Your mother wants you." As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said "men and women" Everyone laughed wildly. After being laughed at for four years, a beautiful woman worries about marrying. Dude, I don't think I won.

Once my classmate's mother called, I used to say "he's not here". This time I want to say "he's out". The result was: "He ... left."

Pass me a sorbet, I took a bite and shouted, "It burns me!" " "

When I went to Li Ning with my sister to buy shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

I went home on weekends when I was at school, but I became addicted to smoking after dinner, and I planned to find an excuse to go for a walk. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I casually said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.

The teacher left homework, so I copied it from others if I couldn't do it, and then I went to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" " "

Our unit has a car to go to work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " "I laughed to get off ~!

When I was in college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid!

Narcissistic funny sentences

I want to be a man and marry a good woman like me in my next life!

2) I am handsome, with fine eyes, well-proportioned figure and star temperament. I have passed the international ISO handsome boy system certification for the first time and have some tips; Signboard beauty deserves attention.

3) From now on, I hope I can become ugly slowly, otherwise I will be molested by erotic fanatics. I'm scared.

4) I don't want to say that I am handsome, because I don't want to say the same thing with people all over the world!

5) The Party needs me to be handsome. Can I not be handsome?

6) The mountain has no edges, and heaven and earth are in harmony, so you dare not be brave.

7) Handsome enough to disturb the CPC Central Committee, even Chairman Mao praised me for being handsome.

8) Once I walked down the street, a group of beautiful women stopped me and asked me: Are you handsome? I said, I am not handsome. The response was five burning finger prints, and then they came up to hit me together, calling me hypocritical while hitting me.

9) The second time I walked into the street, another group of beautiful women stopped me and asked me: Are you handsome? I remember last class, nodding and saying, I am handsome. They hit me again and said I was too modest.

10) Walking down the street for the third time, another group of beautiful women surrounded me and asked me: Are you handsome? Recalling my last two ebbs, I didn't respond. I leaned forward and just wanted to leave. Unexpectedly, they threw their handbags at me crazily, and the girl who hit me the hardest even swore, damn it, are you so handsome?

Complete works of narcissistic funny sentences

1) I heard that ugly people should read more books. No wonder my mother said that I was not cut out for reading when I was young.

2) I treat you as a friend, but you treat me as a goddess.

3) hey. Why haven't I seen anyone more handsome than me?

4) Everyone says that making more friends with beautiful people will make you look good. No wonder you find that your friends are getting better and better.

5) You should find someone who can make you laugh, not me who makes you cry.

6) Don't push me, or I will become great and out of control.

7) I have been worried about one thing: how can others live without me in the world? Oh, I'm really angry.

8) If you are jealous, don't give up. If you are envious, please continue. Today is a good day to go out and release your handsomeness.

9) People who are super funny and have a good temper are really impeccable, such as me.

10) Every day I set a new world record, that is, I keep the most handsome record in the world.

1 1) It's not my fault that you are handsome, it's your own problem that you like me.

12) Handsome is providence, and cool is man-made.

13) handsome enough to alarm the local authorities, who reported to the central emergency consultation and awarded the most handsome medal!

14) People who pretend to be B will be beaten and are not used to it!

15) I'm not in the city, please don't walk around me!

16) Don't just set up a stall in my sister's heart, and then I'll call it a pass!

17) people are not bad, but they are handsome and have no shortcomings!

18) When you meet me, you will find others so handsome!

19) cut the wire with a kitchen knife, sparking all the way!

20) The mood of going to school is heavier than going to the grave!

2 1) a three-sentence suicide note, with a little soil missing. It's stressful. It's gone.

22) Don't cry at my grave, it will dirty my path of reincarnation!

23) If I become a personnel manager, the first thing I will do is to promote myself to the boss!

24) Don't press the video when coming up. You think your TV, if you press it, people will go out. If you need me, if you don't need me.

25) Don't challenge my sister's skill with the speed at which you throw the video!

26) I am pure fiction. If I see it on the internet, this is pure hell!

27) Friendly reminder: The user signature is too personalized, and the system has automatically blocked it.

28) No matter how personalized the signature is, it can't show the sadness in my heart!

29) Brain cells began to rebel and get out of control.

30) A girl who knows me once said to me: If there are only ten minutes left in the world, I will recall your handsome appearance with you; If there are only three minutes left in the world, you have to show me your most handsome and handsome demeanor again; If there is only one minute left in the world, I will tell you once-you are so handsome.

3 1) Every morning, there is another girl standing at the door of the classroom, looking at me blankly and whispering: There is no desert in the world, but every time I see your handsome appearance, a grain of sand will fall from the sky, and there will be Sahara from now on. It's the same sentence every day. One day, I was really bored and asked without interest: How did other deserts come from? Oh, that's because there are too many girls who think you are handsome. ......

32) If being handsome is a crime, then I have committed a heinous crime; If it is a mistake to be cool, then I have made mistakes again and again; If you are smart, you will be punished. Then I'll be chopped to pieces.

33) I want to commit suicide because I am too handsome, but all the girls beg me: you are really handsome, and it is your courage to live. It's not your intention to be handsome, but God depends on how beautiful you are in this world.

34) Idealism says: You are handsome when I say you are handsome. Materialism says: because you are handsome, I say you are handsome. In a word-I am handsome.

35) The sign of an ugly man is that he is willing to die bravely for his ugliness, and the sign of a handsome man is that he is willing to live humbly for his handsomeness, so I am still living for my handsomeness.

36) Handsome to slow down the network speed.

37) One day, the star asked me out to play. Suddenly, a tiger appeared in the Woods. Instead of chasing others, the tiger chased Andy Lau. When Andy Lau disappeared, the tiger turned around and saw that I was handsome and cool, so he pushed me forward and laughed. Don't think I don't know you because you are handsome?

CoCo Lee chased me for three blocks. After seeing me yesterday, he immediately announced that he would quit the show business in June. ! If nothing else, it's because I'm so handsome. ......

39) handsome to disfigure, handsome to dare not go to the streets again. ......

40) Don't be infatuated with me, I'm just a legend. I planted girlfriends in spring and harvested a bunch of men in autumn.