Dormitory joke ~ ~ ~ Don't be meaty! ! Urgent! Today will be

1. Once our tennis team came back from training, Xiao An lost to Zhao Liang of our department in the training match. He was very dissatisfied and always wanted to take the opportunity to get back at him.

It was eight o'clock in the evening, and the front of the girls' dormitory was full of excitement. When we passed by, Xiao An suddenly shouted: Listen, the girl on the seventh floor, my name is Zhao Liang, and I am a law major. I live in Room 1 15 in Building 8. I love watching porn, and I have hemorrhoids ...

Since then, Zhao Liang has become a celebrity in the school. There are really girls asking if there is really a Zhao Liang who loves watching porn and has hemorrhoids. ...

It's really hot in summer in Beijing. Touching the bed feels very hot. One night, the weather was a little cooler. I fell asleep and suddenly felt something was wrong. I suddenly opened my eyes and saw my brother in the shop take a sock and put it on my head! I beat him up and threatened revenge! That night, after everyone was asleep, I sat up, except the one who put the socks, waiting for my revenge. Hey, hey, I sat up and touched his bedside. Because the electric mattress is used in winter, because it can't be folded, it is laid under it as a cushion. I touched the plug and plugged it in for him, and then everyone lay down. Five minutes later, he started baking cakes. After a while, he sat up and said, I touched mine again, only to find mine cold ... and then everyone laughed.

One day, my brothers and I went shopping and felt hungry at noon. A brother said: I remember there is a good restaurant here with a discount.

So everyone listened. When we arrived at the hotel, the service was poor, the service was slow, there were no dishes, and it was terrible and quite expensive. So everyone recommended the brother of the hotel to scold him and say something about playing tricks. The brother bowed his head and followed everyone out of the hotel. He glanced back at the gate and immediately fainted: TMD, I thought it was "folded". It turned out that a white pen was written on the wall of the hotel-demolition. And was scolded by everyone.

4. I didn't like class before, and I always wanted to escape. It happens that our contract law teacher's class is really boring, so his class is always less than half. He made a small report to the department, and the department sent someone to inform our class that we should check it next class. Whoever doesn't go will be investigated. Originally, I wanted to go to class, but I made an appointment with GF to go to the movies, so I tentatively asked my brothers in the dormitory if they would go to class tonight. The answer is yes. Of course, they asked me and I said yes. As a result, no one in the class went to class that night, and the teacher was very angry Later, our whole class was fined for extra classes.

The girlfriend of the dormitory owner has a lot of clothes, which are usually put in the wardrobe of our dormitory. One day, the wind blew and it suddenly turned cold. I came to get my clothes. The boss's wardrobe was above the room, so he took a stool and stood up. Soon, the boss took a coat and asked his girlfriend, do you want this one? Girlfriend A: I want it. Took out a few more pieces, and the boss said, that's enough. Girlfriend A: No, I have to ... The boss was anxious and shouted, You're not bored, and my legs are weak.

7. Because I often skip classes, my teachers don't know me very well. At the end of last semester of junior year, in order to cope with the exam, I went to the classroom to prepare for the lecture on intellectual property law. As soon as I sat down, I was called up by the teacher: hey, this classmate, we have to do pre-test counseling here. If you teach yourself, please go to another classroom.

8. I played CS with my classmates a few days ago. When I went back, I also discussed the situation just now. Old black voice is very loud, dissatisfied with the defeat just now, complaining to Xiao Liang around him, you idiot, the police just opened the bag there, and you just gave him a knife and it was over.

Just after that, we heard people around us say, you guys, come here.

I turned around and found a policeman staring at us.

Quickly confessed to the past, almost became the murderer of the people's police, and finally gave the old black a beating. ...

There is a person in our dormitory who often drinks cold water to show off his fearless spirit. One day, there was no water in our dormitory and everyone died of thirst. We looked for water everywhere, and the bedroom next to us was short of water, so we had to endure it. Then he walked into the dormitory and said to us, that's cool. I just had a few sips of water from the toilet. We all laughed after hearing this, and it took him a long time to react.

10, a sophomore, was dragged to study at night when the exam was coming, and found that there were many people in the classroom and there were no seats left. I came up with a crooked trick. I strode onto the platform, picked up the chalk and wrote two big characters: There is a class. I saw the classroom in a hurry, and the people who were studying by themselves muttered, stood up and packed up and walked out of the classroom. I smiled and said to my buddy, what's the trick? Just two minutes later, another man came in again. I gave him a pout and said there was a class. The man said: I know. I'm the teacher who came to class. You are in the physics department, aren't you? I'm here as a substitute. Oh, I really have a class. It's really evil ... get out of here ...

1 1, something happened in my sophomore year. Several girls in our class rented a house outside and were harassed by middle-aged balding hooligans one night. Our men are outraged and determined to protect the flowers. Another day, the moon is dark and the wind is high, and our potential alleys are waiting for the emergence of perverts. After a while, I saw a bald man coming in a hurry. I got punched without saying anything, and then I broke up.

The next day, the school loudspeaker announced: "A computer teacher was attacked by hooligans on his way home last night. Please pay attention to travel safety. " Comparing the time and place again is completely in line with our chivalry, and then we realize that we have been in a state of fear. ...

12, my father came to see me at school, brought a lot of food, and warmly greeted everyone to eat together. At this time, the whole dormitory suddenly became very introverted and politely declined. When I saw my dad off, he told me to let my classmates eat more of these things. I smiled and said, Dad, you are so strange. These things don't need your command at all They all know.

Sure enough, after returning to the dormitory, there was nothing but banana peels and empty lunch boxes. There is also a note on the table: XX, these things are brought by your father, and now they pollute the dormitory environment. You must sweep the floor and wash the lunch box. ...

13, the fourth son in the dormitory is too greedy to understand anything he catches. One day, the whole dormitory made an appointment to go to Tieyan to see a movie. Old four finally changed his mind and went out to eat midnight snack with his girlfriend, so that the boys couldn't fight. He was duty-bound to rectify. After lights out, the boys put the bought pea yellow and the cut soap neatly together, poured some sugar juice and put it on the table. Soon, the old four came back, humming a little song proudly. Who knows if this boy has benefited from his girlfriend again? As soon as he entered the room, the boy touched the table directly. By the dim moonlight outside the window, he saw his favorite Beijing snack pea yellow on the table, so he immediately jumped up and chewed it. After eating only two bites, I spit it out, repeatedly said bah, and muttered: Is this pea yellow not bad? Why does it smell like this? You guys can't restrain your ecstasy and say to him, you are really good. You ate the soap you usually use to wash your feet.

Old four vomited three times in the toilet that night and brushed his teeth for a long time. ...

14, I'm sorry about my brother's image, but the audience likes to peek at girls, so they don't go back to the dormitory to eat after lunch every day, but squat in the corner of the girls' building and eat with the graceful figure.

One day before the summer vacation, the man was eating in the corner of the building and looking at the beautiful girl. Suddenly, someone patted him on the shoulder. Turning around, she turned out to be a beautiful woman, so she was overjoyed and at a loss, and began to fantasize about all kinds of affairs. Unexpectedly, the beauty opened her mouth and said, hometown, we have some old books. Listen, how much can we sell it for?

My brother fled in shame and anger at once. ...

15, Xiao Chen in the dormitory opposite, in order to save towels, it is usually naturally air-dried. Since the school heating, I wash my face with a pillow towel every morning, then put it on the heater to dry, and then put it on my pillow at night. Xiao Wang, the roommate, didn't put a pillow, so he degraded the pillow towel and wiped his feet. He also hangs it on the heater before going to bed every day and puts it in the basin in the morning. There was no accident because the time was staggered.

One day, the northeast buddy in the dormitory had a birthday, and everyone went to drink together. When they came back, they fell asleep after washing. When I woke up the next day, it was past class time. Xiao Changdi stood up, quickly picked up the pillow towel on the heater and went to wash his face. As soon as Wang saw it, he immediately called him, hey, don't take it. Xiao Chenmei heard clearly, only vaguely agreed, wiped her face and ran away. When he arrived at the classroom, Xiao Wang looked embarrassed and said, "Xiao Chen, you washed your face with my foot cloth." . I have beriberi. ...

Xiao Chen almost fainted at that time. What's more, he came back and wiped half a tube of dakening on his face. ...

16, one night in class, I felt uncomfortable, so I took my buddy to the audio-visual education on the top floor to smoke, where no one was there at night. When we climbed to the seventh floor, we found a pair of mandarin ducks having a double communication of spirit and flesh. The girl's sweater has been pulled to her chest, while the boy is buried in his work. We couldn't help gaping and staring. Girls scream, boys look up, big embarrassment. Actually, I'm more embarrassed. I don't know who squeezed out: "Dude, don't get me wrong, I just want to see if you have a light? Keep busy, let's go. " Then I didn't realize what we were afraid of until I ran to the classroom on the third floor.

17. Those who have checked at night and returned to school in the middle of the night must register. One day, we went out for a drink and were stopped by the security guard at the school gate when we came back. Let's register I picked up a pen and casually wrote down Wang Qiang from the Department of Biochemistry (in fact, I am a law student, so naturally my name is not Wang Qiang). While listening to the security guard, I kept saying, why are all the people coming back tonight from the biochemistry department? Did you take part in the activity? I vaguely promised and slipped back to the dormitory. The next day, the school broadcast asked Wang Qiang, a 96-year-old biochemistry department, to go to the student affairs office. I am still very happy. Where is this guy? I made him up. ...

Later, I heard that there really was such a person who was inexplicably called to the Political and Educational Affairs Office and asked him why he came back and forth in and out of school six or seven times in the middle of the night ... After listening to it, he fainted. Why is everyone so uninspired? So he specifically studied why the students who came home late claimed to be biochemical departments ... and there was no answer yet.

18. At that time, there was a classmate in the class who was only one year older than me, but to tell the truth, he looked about 40 years old and had a simple face. Once I went to see an exhibition, and when I got off the bus, the conductor checked the tickets. The student took out his monthly ticket and showed it to the conductor. At this time, the conductor said in an exaggerated voice and tone, "Yo … how old are you?" How dare you use the student monthly pass? "I fainted. My classmate is crazy.

Another time, in physical education class, everyone played football, and then they went to take a shower together. At the place where we bought tickets, when we arrived at this buddy, the aunt in charge of selling tickets took a look at him and said, "Three yuan for migrant workers", and a group of us fell down. My classmate is crazy again.

19, when I first entered the university, everyone was not very familiar with it, so they were very reserved. Later, a buddy celebrated his birthday, called a few people in their dormitory, bought some cold dishes, and two bottles of white wine began to dry. I smelled it next door, got greedy, and ran to drink together. Later, some buddies came in one after another ... I can't remember the last situation clearly, anyway, it is said that it has always been. A buddy got drunk and went back to the dormitory. The door is closed (actually locked). He stepped over, there was a hole below (God knows where he got such great strength), and then said to himself, "Why is the door so small?" Then he climbed into that hole in front of everyone. There is also a buddy who drinks with others and uses the bottle of bird's nest coffee. I don't know where he got his strength. When he touched the cup, the bottom of the cup fell off, and he just lifted his head with a cup that was ventilated up and down. After that, he didn't tell us anything: I found myself drinking more and more, just like drinking boiled water ... (I am dizzy, his taste organs must be abnormal)

20. Before graduation, everyone was going to break up. My buddies drank all day. Every time they got drunk, the weather was hot, and they drank in small restaurants one by one. Plus, there are girls, so it's not convenient for everyone to show their arms, so they all take off their shirts after drinking. What is even more frightening is that a buddy saw a pool of water left by yesterday's rain in front of him, and immediately ran to lie in it and shouted comfortably: "Cool"! Some people even tried to run naked. I told several sober people about it and pulled his pants hard, and it was all right. Later, after a bend, I found the famous nerd and the famous dinosaur in my class crying together. We didn't dare to disturb them, so we made a detour quietly. ...