What do you think of "People who force themselves into a circle that does not belong to them are nothing but embarrassment"?

I strongly agree with this point of view. Let me share an example: There is an old man in our unit who has a good drinking capacity. He is often taken to various drinking bureaus by the leaders of the unit. As time goes by, this old man thinks that he is also a member of the leadership circle. When he really needs to find someone to do something, Only then did I realize that in the eyes of the leader, he was just a waiter and a drinker.

The old man in our unit was transferred from another unit. At a work party, this old man showed off his astonishing ability to drink. He toasted to all the leaders one by one, and even passed all the colleagues. He looked like a normal person.

From then on, word spread in the workplace about this old man’s drinking capacity. This old man is also a versatile person who can liven up the atmosphere at the wine table. The leaders of the unit felt like they had found a treasure and often took this old man to various drinking establishments. It is said that as long as this old man is here, there will be no unhappiness with the wine and no leader with whom he cannot accompany.

As time went by, this old man also developed some leadership style, and gradually became alienated from ordinary brothers like us. When he chats with us occasionally, he often says that he knows a certain leader. His phone is filled with the phone numbers of various leaders, and he seems to be a member of the leadership circle. The most common saying is: If you need anything, go to me, I know someone.

Until the year before last, my brother’s daughter got average scores in the high school entrance examination and wanted to go to a good high school near home. The old man confidently went to find the leader he knew, but he came back disappointed! From now on, I will never go to those drinking parties again.

Later we slowly understood what happened.

My brother started to ask the leader of the unit for help. The leader of the unit did some Tai Chi and said to him: "You know the director of this place? He is in charge of this. I introduced you to each other at the wine table." , you go to him directly, no problem!

My brother did have a drink with the director, more than once. We also talked about him as brothers at the wine table, so he went to find him happily.

When I arrived at the director’s office, I was not impressed by him, which was embarrassing. The old man blushed and talked for a long time, but the leader just said in a nonchalant manner: I understand, I'm busy now, I'll talk about it later!

As soon as I left the office, I faintly heard the leader asking the people around him: Who is this person? People around me said that this was the person in a certain unit who was particularly good at drinking. The leader suddenly realized: He was the person who blocked the drink for the leader of a certain unit!

This old man is heartbroken: It turns out that in the minds of the leaders of his own unit, he is just a drinker, and in the minds of the leaders of other units, he is just a drinker. He left the unit as if he was running away.

From now on, I will never attend the leader’s drinking party again, delete the so-called leader’s contact information on my mobile phone, return to us ordinary brothers, drink and brag with us, mingle with us, and feel much more comfortable. Even the issue of my brother’s daughter’s schooling was settled through the relationship between our comrades and one of our brothers who had transferred to the army.

The so-called circle is actually a platform for equal exchange. Only when members in a circle have equal weight and equal value to each other can everyone recognize each other. People know themselves, and forcing themselves into a circle that does not belong to them will only result in embarrassment.

I am the owner of a small advertising company. In the eyes of ordinary people, I am a successful person.

I wear a designer suit, drive a Mercedes-Benz worth hundreds of thousands, and get called Mr. Li every day, which makes me feel a little arrogant.

I started to feel bloated. I thought about how to make friends with local big bosses every day. I wanted to integrate into their circle.

It wasn’t until one day that I really came into contact with them that I discovered: In their eyes, I am nothing, and I will never be able to enter their circle without strength!

I opened a small advertising company, which is not large in scale and has only a dozen employees.

I am a little proud, because I built this company with my own abilities. It can be said that I started it from scratch.

But I am not satisfied. Although the company's business is stable, I want to have a bigger breakthrough.

If I want the company's business to have greater breakthroughs, I must know people at a higher level.

So I tried my best to mobilize all my contacts, hoping to get to know the big bosses of big companies in this city.

There is a strong local beverage company as my client. This beverage company is one of the best in the same industry in the province and invests hundreds of millions in advertising fees every year.

My advertising company got a small share of the pie, and I am also grateful to the company’s Vice President Wang. He is a classmate of a relative of mine, so I was able to reluctantly gain a relationship and get it. A little advertising share.

Of course, this small share of advertising is a huge business for my company.

Vice President Wang is my noble person and someone I can’t afford to offend, so I spent a lot of money in order to maintain a good relationship.

If you give something, you will be rewarded. My relationship with him is quite good.

Once I specially invited him to dinner and begged him to find a way for me to get to know his boss or someone at the same level as his boss. I told him that I wanted to make the company bigger and stronger.

After hearing what I said, Vice President Wang stared at my eyes for a long time. Finally, he patted my shoulder and said to me seriously: Xiao Li, you can’t eat hot tofu in a hurry. With their own strength, what would happen even if they knew them? The relationship between people in society is all about exchange of interests and mutual benefit, but there is a prerequisite, which is equality of strength.

If they make friends with you, your interests can be maximized, so what can they gain? Want you to have a meal? How many shopping cards? Or tens of thousands of dollars in rebates? Do people at their level care about these things? I advise you to keep your feet on the ground and take your time. When you are truly capable, you will naturally get to know them without my introduction.

What Vice President Wang said hit me hard. I understand what he means: don’t force yourself into someone who is not in your own circle.

But I don’t give up, because the temptation is too great. Just a little leakage from these big guys’ hands will be enough for me for half a year.

I couldn't stand my pleading, and finally Vice President Wang agreed to introduce me to several vice presidents of large companies if he had the opportunity.

I was overjoyed and quickly toasted to him. Seeing how excited I was, Vice President Wang said with a smile: Don't blame me for not reminding you. Don't be sad when others neglect you.

I nodded quickly, but I didn’t agree with Vice President Wang’s words. After so many years of struggling in society, I still have confidence in my ability to deal with people.

One day, Vice President Wang called me: He is having a wine party tonight, and the other parties are vice presidents of several large companies in the city. Although he is not the boss, he is still a prominent person in various companies. This time he asked me to handle the wine party.

After hanging up the phone, I almost jumped up with joy. I have waited for this day for too long. I secretly vowed to seize this opportunity to make friends with them. These people are the gods of wealth to me. One person can create huge benefits for me!

But I didn’t think deeply, nor did I digest what Vice President Wang once said to me: What can I bring to others?

I booked a large private room in the largest hotel in the city, and then came to the hotel door early to wait.

Around seven o'clock, a Mercedes-Benz business car arrived. Vice President Wang got out of the car first, and then three people got out one after another, one woman and two men. I jogged over and shook hands with Vice President Wang first.

Vice President Wang nodded to me, and then said to the three people: This is Mr. Li, the boss of xx Advertising Company.

I stretched out my hands to shake hands with them one by one, bending slightly and keeping a very low posture.

The three bosses were very polite and talked about young and promising people. Then I led the way and took them into the box.

Everyone was seated separately, and of course I could only sit in the corner seat.

I don’t feel embarrassed. I am aware of the huge difference in status between myself and them. I keep in mind the purpose of my coming today. I am here to build relationships. I want to enter their circle.

After a while, the food and wine were served. I filled up the wine glass, kept the glass low, and toasted everyone present.

I respect everyone by drinking it all in one gulp and then showing them the bottom of the cup.

Except for Vice President Wang, who gave me face and drank half a cup, everyone else just took a symbolic sip.

It can be said that the atmosphere at the beginning of the banquet was quite good, and I was able to strike up a conversation. But then, my part was over, because they were chatting and I didn’t dare to speak!

I actually wanted to chat with them on an equal footing, but I found that was not possible. The content of their conversation was beyond the scope of my cognition.

What they are talking about is business worth hundreds or tens of millions, while my advertising company’s annual net profit is only hundreds of thousands, which is not the same level.

I could only sit in the corner and listen to their chat with a silly smile. In the end, I didn’t even dare to drink because I was afraid of disturbing them.

I found that the way I used to socialize was not suitable here. Because the levels were different, I couldn't communicate with them normally. If I spoke too much, I would appear ignorant, so I started to choose to speak less.

As time went on, I felt more and more awkward, a little uncomfortable, like an outsider.

I have long forgotten my original intention of coming here. I originally wanted to make friends with them and integrate into their circle, but I found that I was wrong. I can't enter their circle because the strength is too far apart. .

I suddenly regretted coming here.

Vice President Wang did not specifically talk to me, but occasionally glanced at me from the corner of his eye, as if to say: I am right, you are not strong enough now, and this place does not belong to you.

I finally understood the meaning of what he said that day.

At this time, I just hope that the banquet can end soon!

Finally, the banquet was over and everyone stood up to leave. I quickly settled the bill and watched them leave. Looking at the Mercedes-Benz business car going away, I breathed a sigh of relief and was finally relieved!

I have always wanted to make my advertising company stronger and bigger, so I hoped to make friends with some higher-level people. However, when I actually came into contact with them, I discovered that it was not as simple as I thought. .

When my strength is too far behind theirs, I cannot talk to them on an equal footing, let alone become friends with them. In other words, they are not in the same circle as me.

For people, there is nothing but embarrassment if you force yourself into a circle that does not belong to you!

Not necessarily! At least you can broaden your horizons and increase your knowledge! Only by stepping out of your own circle can you grow yourself! I believe everyone has heard the story of the little boy herding sheep!

This matter! I've experienced it myself! I used to make snacks, but then my sister opened a small jewelry store and asked me to help. I didn't want to go, but she said that if I didn't help her, she wouldn't worry about anyone else.

I think we are just two sisters, and there really is no one to help her! Alas! So I went, and it was good at first. When it first opened, I was so busy every day that I couldn’t even touch my feet. I was really cleaning! I buy food, run errands, and when customers come, I have to bring tea and water! People around me said that my sister has made a lot of money, and I am too obedient. "Tell me secretly that I help for free, and sometimes I pay for meals myself." I have been working for half a year, and I have become familiar with the people around me, so I started Someone asked if we were a partnership or something like that. I said no, I just came to look after my sister’s store. They also said that your sister would have to pay a lot of money a month! I just smiled and said nothing! Because the people around me sell clothes, shoes, do manicures, beauty treatments, and skin care. All of them are boss-level and have employees! They all just collect money and don’t do any work. Where is my sister? Gradually, I got to know them. At first, she discussed everything with me and we purchased goods together. I never let her do heavy work. She is relatively weak. Later, she met the bosses and became good friends with them, and we had the best relationship. He is a manicure artist. Manicure is a side job. His main business is giving people plastic surgery, double eyelid surgery, face slimming injections, etc. He is relatively rich!

They talk about food, clothing, shelter and transportation! It's very luxurious for me. Let's talk about clothes first. I think it's fine for me to wear clothes that cost a few hundred yuan. I'm very happy, but they all wear clothes that cost more than 1,000 or 2,000 yuan. If we can't talk about it together, then we can only Just bear with their contemptuous looks [face covering]

As for food, I go to the door to buy two steamed buns, a porridge, or order takeout, which is great. She will often bring it My sisters go to restaurants, and sometimes they bring some back to me if they don’t finish the meal.

Needless to say the place to stay, (very luxurious)

Okay then... a big BMW

I can’t get in with them when they chat. When we go in, if we say something once in a while, they either don't say anything, or they just turn around and leave, you know what? Others do this, and my sister does the same! She thinks I am just working with her, which makes me very sad! As long as there are not many people in the mall, I become the object of their entertainment. One moment they say that my eyebrows don’t look good and they need to be changed. The other moment they say that my clothes don’t look good and they need to be changed. They also say that my hair is too rough and I don’t have the money to buy it. Shampoo and conditioner? My sister even talked to them, saying that my hair was itchy after using shampoo, and it seemed that I had lice. They said, oh, she couldn’t have lice on her body! Then I don’t know why four or five of her people laughed. I felt so embarrassed. This happened so many times that they didn’t care. Even my sister said something about me. What else could they be afraid of? At the beginning, I was still talking about face. When I saw it later, I saw that he was dressed differently! The food is different, the accommodation is different, and we treat people differently! Talking in a rude way! In addition to being embarrassed, I don’t wait for you either. I say anything they say, and my voice is loud. Sometimes I still feel uncomfortable when I go home and think about it. My husband won’t let me go even if I say it, so I tell my sister. Find someone to do it! I quit and went home, and I stopped going the next day.

I think I am living a good life, but they have made me feel inferior and embarrassed. That’s all for others. Where is my sister? I am heartbroken, our relationship is not as good as it used to be, I am just one sister and have no brothers or sisters! Maybe it’s because it rained today! I feel so uncomfortable, rather sad!

I think the more something is not yours, the more courageous you should be to try it. Let me tell you something that happened to me. This incident can be described as "just a lie".

I remember that when I was in the second grade of junior high school, the school held a sports meeting. There was a drum team, which was a drum that was beaten with two wooden sticks. I can’t even name the full name of the drum now. I remember that. The drums have four sections, that is, four beats. At that time, I practiced the other three sections very well. Even in the second section, no matter how I practiced, I couldn't play two beats well. I don't know why.

As soon as I got to the second period of practice, the teacher said that someone inside was knocking wrongly. I knew it was me, but I didn’t say anything. I continued to practice, but it still didn’t work. Then I simply went to the second period. I stopped my hand and kept it still. Everything else remained the same. I had no other idea at the time. I just wanted to beat the drum. Later, I also managed to get through it. I knew it was not good, but I just didn’t want to give up at the time. To be honest, I still have it. , I wouldn’t knock that second verse either.

This question can be answered from three aspects:

First: Everyone has their own personality, different personalities, different hobbies, and different circles of contact. Some people They have a cheerful personality. The circles they come in contact with are generally similar to their own personalities. People in their circles are talkative and have similar hobbies. There is a huge difference between someone with a cheerful personality and someone who doesn’t say a word for a long time. Can people be together? That's impossible. Even if you don't quarrel, you can still be suffocated by him!

Second: Different professions have different circles. For example: Can a farmer friend, who deals with the land every day, sit at the table with a doctor and talk loudly? What season should you plant? What medicine should be applied to fruit trees to control pests? What kind of fertilizer should be applied to corn? If you ask a farmer friend, he will make sure that he is right and he will tell you the truth. There is nothing wrong with seeing a doctor for whatever illness you have. He is guaranteed to give you the right medicine. Farmer friends like to be with farmer friends, and they have different topics to talk about. It is difficult to have a conversation with a doctor because farmer friends don't know how to hold a scalpel.

Third: Different identities lead to different topics. If the circles are different, don’t squeeze in. If you squeeze in, you won’t be able to speak and others will ignore you. Some even look down on you and bring trouble to yourself. Therefore, you must choose a circle that suits you and your lifestyle, so that you can live a free and easy life.

I agree with this statement.

There is a saying: Birds of a feather flock together, and people are divided into groups; there are two idioms called: Love is the same, like-minded people are like-minded. A circle is a group of people with the same interests, preferences, and pursuits. If there is a big difference between an individual and other people in the circle in terms of knowledge scope, political opinions, emotional exchanges, cultural level, work scope, family environment, etc., he will not be able to blend in. Even if he forces his way in, it will be very embarrassing. Due to the lack of the same language as the people in the circle, it will cause communication difficulties and lack of interest. Over time, it is inevitable to be rejected by others.

Everyone is a self-respecting individual, everyone has his own specialties, everyone has people who appreciate you, and everyone has a group (circle) that accepts you. Everyone is in their own circle, enjoying themselves, expressing their opinions, and being in high spirits. If you don't belong to your own circle, please get out of it as soon as possible, and there is no need to force yourself into it, so as not to feel lonely, unhappy, and embarrassed.

If people have different ways, they should not seek each other's side; if they have different ambitions, they should not be friends; if they have different views, there is no need to force them to integrate.

After I graduated from college, I went to work in Beijing with my uncle. He introduced me to friends, and when he introduced me, they were all top students from Beihang University and Beihang University. I wanted to leave this circle for the first time, but I persisted and successfully integrated into it.

I majored in CNC in college, but I’m not interested at all. What I like is the kind of job that involves sitting in front of a computer and solving problems. It happens that my uncle is the CTO of an Internet company, so I worked with him as soon as I graduated. Went to Beijing to intern in his company.

As soon as I arrived in Beijing, my uncle took me to a gathering of his classmates and friends. Everyone was also more interested in my little nephew, because my uncle was very good, and they thought I was not much worse.

During the chat, my uncle’s friends began to introduce themselves. This university is from Beijing University of Aeronautics and Astronautics, and that one is from Beijing Institute of Technology. Anyway, I never closed my mouth.

Then they asked me which university I graduated from. I mentioned the name of the college and then lowered my head in embarrassment. Everyone looked at me and didn’t ask me more about my academic qualifications.

Then my uncle started to tease me and his friends. He pointed at his friend and said, this uncle is the technical director, and those uncles are all managers at BAT. You must study hard. When the time comes, we will They all came to work for you. I was so angry that I yelled at him.

Later I told my uncle, don’t call me at such gatherings in the future. I don’t know what you are talking about and I am not interested, but my uncle said: I know you are not interested, but I just want to. Let them beat you so that you have the motivation to change yourself.

He also said, I know you feel that you are not in the same circle as them and it is very uncomfortable to get along with them, but you learn slowly and I will help you slowly integrate into them.

Later, I successfully entered my uncle’s company as an intern. Because of my connections, I didn’t even have an interview. I just packed up and joined the company.

During the induction, I was hit again, that is, among the colleagues in the same group, except for me, who had a college degree, everyone else had more than one book. I couldn't even eat lunch that day.

On the way to the company the next day, I kept telling myself that I was going to resign today. I was too inferior compared to others, so I should find a job that suits me.

But my uncle was amazing. As soon as I arrived at the company, he called me to the office and told me if I wanted to resign and run away, I didn’t agree to let me go back to work honestly.

Then I sat down at my workstation, listening to my colleagues talking about technologies and topics that I didn’t understand. I felt like sitting on pins and needles. My colleagues noticed my discomfort and took the initiative to find topics. After chatting with me, I finally found the same language on the game.

After staying for a month, I gradually became familiar with my colleagues. Whenever I had a problem, they would help me immediately. It originally took me 6 months of internship to become a full-time employee, but my performance was good and I started working early. Successfully became a regular employee in 3 months.

With the help of my colleagues, I gradually transformed from a novice who knew nothing to now being able to talk to them and successfully integrated into this company and industry.

When I came to my uncle’s big-name friends, I didn’t know what the technologies and information they talked about were at first, but now I can occasionally express my opinions, and everyone is He praised me for my rapid progress and said that my uncle was so outstanding, so his nephew naturally had nothing to say.

Although I successfully integrated into this circle, the biggest reason was my uncle. Without his help and support, I basically gave up that day.

Because you don’t understand anything, it’s very difficult for others to communicate with you. If you force yourself to fit in, it will not only make you uncomfortable, but others will also feel uncomfortable. So I agree, forcing yourself into a circle that doesn’t belong to you will only be embarrassing. No one else can say this because I have experienced it myself.

However, if you are very interested in the circle you want to integrate into, you should actively learn the abilities needed to join this circle right now, so that you can seize the opportunity immediately.

Just like Jack in "Titanic", when he attended the elite personnel party on the ship, he made enough preparations in advance, which allowed him to be in a circle that was not his own. Deal with all kinds of difficulties calmly and calmly, as if you are a member of the circle.

The person who asked the question really got it right - there is nothing but embarrassment for people who forcefully fit into a circle that does not belong to them!

Let’s not talk about other people’s affairs, but I have my own personal experience——

In early April this year, when I was visiting my hometown to sweep the tombs, I happened to coincide with the 2021 Magu Cultural Festival held in Nancheng County. .

This former intern is now the person in charge of a media station in Jiangxi. She heard that I happened to be in Fuzhou and repeatedly invited me to go with her.

I rejected it several times, mainly because I have been away from Jiangxi for more than ten years, and now I am completely unfamiliar with Jiangxi’s officialdom; secondly, this Magu Cultural Festival has nothing to do with me, so I rashly If you go there, you will be an uninvited guest...

But the former student kept persuading me and said that this cultural festival was mainly organized by the Nancheng County Calligraphers Association. The theme is: "Visit Magu Wonderland. Taste longevity culture. Appreciate the best regular script in the world."

This reason touched me deeply, because in the past ten years I have been interacting with friends in the calligraphy circle of Nancheng County. In this case, it is just right for me to take this opportunity to interact with several friends in the Nancheng calligraphy community!

In this way, I went to Nancheng County rashly.

When arranging the seats, I took into account that I was uninvited, so I consciously sat in the lower seat.

But my former student was the host and guest, and she was determined to push me to the position of host and guest. The comrades in charge of reception in the county may have made arrangements like this because they saw that I was so old.

After the table was opened, the receptionist started chatting with me out of politeness.

But after all, the people they wanted to socialize with were the people who could publish their promotional materials, and I was just a passerby.

As the welcome banquet progressed, I was unsurprisingly left aside.

I felt like I was sitting on pins and needles watching people drinking and drinking, unable to walk, unable to sit still. The wine is tasteless in the mouth, and the food tastes like chewing gum in the mouth. He clearly has nothing in common with everyone sitting here, yet he still insists on forcing a smile and making excuses with everyone.

The feeling in my heart at this time is really in line with what the questioner said - nothing but embarrassment!

I strongly agree with this statement. Not belonging to this circle means that you are not familiar with the people and things in this circle, and you do not have the same language as these people. The most important thing is that you cannot provide exchange services of equal value with people in this circle. If you force yourself in, you will only put yourself in an embarrassing situation and cause yourself more trouble.

I have a relative who is not close but definitely not far away. This relative has a brother who is five or six years older than me. He is very promising and has become a corporate executive at a young age. As early as 2000, his annual salary had exceeded one million. Such a brother worth millions is naturally very busy. You don't see him on weekdays. The only time you see him is at a family gathering. Every time we meet, our chat rarely exceeds 3 sentences. In the first sentence, I say hello, brother! In the second sentence, he responded to me very professionally, hello, and then gave me a smile in return. ok, our conversation basically ends here. If I need to add a few more words, it would be at the end of the meal. Before saying goodbye, I would add goodbye to my brother, and then this brother would respond to me by saying goodbye. If you need anything, come to me.

Although this brother was polite in every word he said, politeness was actually a silent rejection. He refused to have deeper communication with me and resisted me entering his circle. Therefore, for so many years, our friendship with each other, if it can be considered friendship, has been limited to saying hello.

I completely understand what this brother is doing. There is a big gap between me and him. Our ranks are completely unequal, and the value we can provide to each other is also completely unequal. This gap determines that it is impossible for us to have a relationship.

Therefore, I think that instead of trying to squeeze into a circle that does not belong to you, it is better to work hard to improve your own strength. Once you reach that rank and have that strength, you will naturally integrate into that circle.