The crying of the 32-year-old leftover woman: the stepmother is difficult and would rather marry an older leftover man than marry a second man. what do you think?

Is it true that "stepmother is hard to be"?

Actually, it has always been.

Think of this sentence: stepmother has done a good job and paid more than her biological mother. In the "combined" family, most of the time, the role played by the stepmother is always the one who carries the pot, and it is not as good as once a thousand times.

For a woman, she carefully takes care of the feelings of the other child and avoids the accusations of the other family, thinking that she can better integrate into the new family, but she doesn't know that she can't escape the resentment of the child.

In fact, everyone has more or less had conflicts with their parents in their own growth process. It is not easy for their parents to raise their children, let alone their stepmothers who are not related by blood. Your mother can be forgiven for not doing well, but your stepmother is wrong as long as there is a problem, just because of the label "stepmother"

I always agree that after you become a stepmother, your children will compare your shortcomings with their mother's strengths from time to time. This is normal. After all, children are still young and immature. Most of the children from divorced families grew up under the doting of grandparents, lacking basic empathy and sympathy.

It can be said that stepmother is a role that needs to be paid for a long time, and she has to be poked in her heart from time to time, but if she pays, there will be a return.

There is no denying that stepmother is really difficult, but she is really sincere. When your tolerance and accommodation are exchanged for children's understanding, children will dilute the sense of distance between you. At the same time, family and marriage can be treated well.

02

"Stepmother is very difficult. I really prefer to marry a man older than me than the second man. I can only blame myself for being naive at the beginning, and it is useless to regret it now! "

Although the man loves himself very much now and his in-laws take care of themselves, the daughter of the man and his ex-wife has become a knot that Huang Yanqin can't untie these days and began to question his original choice.

As the saying goes, "When a fellow villager sees a fellow villager, his eyes are full of tears." After graduating from junior college, Huang Yanqin and her classmates went to work in other places and worked as waiters in a hotel, where she met her current husband.

When falling in love, the man loves her very much, and everything goes according to Yan Qin's mind. From small to large, except for his parents, he was the only one who was so kind to himself.

Maybe every woman in love is easy to lose her mind, and life is full of each other's shadows. At that time, Yan Qin only wanted to marry each other, and nothing else was considered.

Therefore, Yan Qin insisted on marrying a man after learning that he had a marriage history and had a daughter with his ex-wife.

Although Yan Qin's parents mentioned the problem of being a stepmother to her more than once, Yan Qin thinks she has the ability to play the role of stepmother. On the one hand, her confidence lies in that she can really be influenced by men's feelings for herself, and she is willing to tolerate the flaws of men's short marriage history. On the other hand, children get along well with her.

When I first went to the man's hometown (Yan Qin met her children for the first time), Yan Qin's husband's daughter was only eight years old and was in the second grade of primary school. She was ten years old when we met again. Usually, Yan Qin will buy her some clothes, toys and daily necessities and take her out to play. In short, it's not as difficult as her mother said.

Once Yan Qin took her out to play. She told Yan Qin that she missed her mother on the way. In fact, at that time, Yan Qin had learned from her boyfriend that her mother was married, but because the second marriage family was inconvenient, the child's biological mother never came back to visit her.

Yan Qin thinks that the adults are divorced and the children are innocent. She can't hurt her children because her parents are unhappy in marriage, so she offered to help her apply for a social account and teach her how to send messages to contact her mother.

Although she later added her mother's contact information through her boyfriend, the frequency of contact between them was not too high because of her mother's remarriage.

When Yan Qin and her boyfriend were working in other places, they also contacted each other through the social account she applied for. Sometimes she will tell Yan Qin something, such as that she misses her mother, but every time Yan Qin will try her best to comfort her and tell her that not only her mother loves her, but also her father loves her.

Although when getting along with each other, children habitually call aunt instead of mother, and boyfriends feel inappropriate, but Yan Qin thinks it is enough for children not to hate themselves, and she has no consciousness of being a mother, so she doesn't care too much about her name.

After a year and a half, Yan Qin realized that she was old enough to get married and began to discuss their marriage with her boyfriend. The child will graduate from primary school in a few years.

03

After marriage, Yan Qin and her husband rented a house in the county. Because they usually have a good relationship with their children, the children thought of coming from their hometown to live with Yanqin. At that time, it happened that Yan Qin resigned and rested at home.

On the one hand, Yan Qin believes that children have been living with grandparents in recent years, and it is inevitable for the elderly to spoil their children. On the other hand, Yan Qin hopes that her husband can play the role of a good father seriously and responsibly, rather than focusing on participation, so she completely agrees that she will come to live with herself.

After living with children, Yan Qin found that children's self-care ability is really poor. Apart from washing your face, brushing your teeth and washing your hair, you are basically not good at it. When they first came, they didn't even take the initiative to pour the water for foot washing, let alone other things with higher difficulty coefficient.

At that time, Yan Qin really regarded herself as the child's biological mother and did everything for her from head to toe, but she couldn't wait. She has never been unkind to all the demands made on her.

Yan Qin thinks that girls should learn to be self-reliant from an early age and can't count on others for everything, so Yan Qin will let her wash some small clothes and socks herself. Although she usually has only one or two, not many, but Yan Qin's original intention is to exercise her.

At ordinary times, she would be angry because of Yanqin's request, but she stuck to Yanqin and began to call her mother, with a particularly kind voice.

Near the mid-term exam when she graduated from primary school, her grades were average and her grades dropped significantly. So, Yan Qin was called to the school by the class teacher to talk.

In fact, Yan Qin could have guessed that her grades would drop this time before the score came down. Since the beginning of school, Yan Qin and her husband have paid little attention to her. She loves to play. She often chats with her mother until late, so she doesn't have time to read.

In order to get her into a good junior high school, Yan Qin began to teach herself, bought her papers, checked and urged her every day, and stipulated the time to play mobile phones every day. With the efforts of Yan Qin, she finally achieved good results in the graduation exam.

Everyone in the big family is happy, and the children's grandparents have privately taught the children's fathers to praise Yanqin, saying that they didn't expect to be so concerned about their children. In Yan Qin's heart, she firmly believes in the mode of getting along with each other, and still feels that the stepmother does not have much difficulty.

However, something happened later, which completely broke her blind self-confidence.

At the end of the primary school graduation exam that summer vacation, Yan Qin's husband's ex-wife said that she would take her children there to play for a while, and the children also took the initiative to mention this to Yan Qin, saying that they missed their mother very much. YanQin didn't say anything, and went.

During the time when the child went to live with his mother, Yan Qin once went to the child's room to clean, and found that the books piled up by the child's bed were in a mess. She wanted to help her tidy up, but she accidentally turned to her diary when she was sorting out.

When she opened the diary, she found that the contents were all cursing her, and the words were specially written in big letters, calling her a "mistress" who destroyed the family, calling her a bully of her own mother, and some other ugly words.

After reading the contents of the diary, Yan Qin's head suddenly exploded, his body seemed to shake uncontrollably, and there was a cool breeze blowing on his back.

She really can't understand how she can be so attached to her children and hate herself so much.

"I was really full of grievances and discomfort. I've never been so careful with anyone in my life. I'm all-encompassing and careful. I am the kind of person who can skip breakfast in order to sleep late, but for her, I get up early every day to cook for her and send her to school. I spent a lot of money on her in the past few years.

But her own mother hasn't visited her several times for so many years, and the clothes and daily necessities she bought are still cheap, let alone caring about her children's study. I really don't understand why she can't compare with her mother! "

At that time, her husband was at home, and Yan Qin showed him the contents of the diary. After reading it, the husband said after a moment's silence, "She is still young and not sensible. Don't take these words to heart. I will always love you. "

Yes, just because I know she is still a child, I can't have a big fight with her. Although I can understand emotionally, it is really too difficult for me to completely digest the balance between emotion and psychology. If her husband and in-laws were not reasonable people, Yan Qin wanted to get a divorce directly.

04

"I really envy her mother. I just recognized that she was not a child. Maybe only with children can I feel the unprincipled trust of children in my mother, but at that time I was more tired, and I had to consider this non-biological. "

In fact, the children of divorced families are very poor and unloving, but no matter how sincere their stepmother is, they are hard to recognize. They need to find an outlet for their inner imbalance. Under normal circumstances, stepmother becomes the object of their natural hatred.

Many times, some stepmother took pains for their children, but getting married was thankless and tortured. In fact, it is not that stepmother should not be kind to children, but should not cross the line. You should have a clear sense of boundaries.

No matter how bad a mother is, she is still a mother. The two are still related by blood. The more you want to be the mother of your child, the closer you are to the mistake. Therefore, don't think about replacing the child's mother.

There is such a classic line in the TV series "Family with Children": "My name is Xia Xue, my name is Yu Xia, and my name is Hail." In fact, Liu Mei played by Song Dandan is a successful stepmother, and the harmonious coexistence of the three children also tells us that it is not difficult to be a stepmother.

Again, you need to kiss your child, but not too close. You should properly educate your children to work hard and learn to be grateful. Don't try to replace the role of the child's mother and forcibly change the child. Both of us should be aware of the limitations of mutual rights and obligations.