There is no meanest, only meaner

1. There is no rehearsal in life, every day is a live broadcast.

2. After studying for more than ten years, kindergarten is still easier to get along with!

3. Optimists see opportunities in disasters, while pessimists see disasters in opportunities.

4. If I don’t have money or power, if I don’t treat you well, can you follow me?

5. It’s not that I don’t smile, I lose my fans when I smile

6. When she was a child, her parents always believed that when a girl turns 18, an ugly duckling will turn into a white swan! One day when she grew up, her father looked at her very attentively, and then said sincerely: "My child, you should study hard..."

7. Kissing like crazy in front of the teaching building in the cafeteria and study room - all of them can't afford to buy a house!

8. After graduation, I had money and nothing to do, so I went to Massachusetts, USA, to dig for oil. Later, I actually found it, and the oil was of very good quality, and it didn’t even need to be purified! Two years later, Mobil Oil Company sued us, saying that we dug up its oil pipeline...

9. I am always wandering between Cow A and Cow C.

10. I originally wanted to look towards the bright moon, but the bright moon shines on the ditch.

11. I am the most normal among perverts, and the most perverted among normal people.

12. Is the blank white?

13. I usually don’t dump ugly girls, but you are an exception.

14. If the son is disobedient, he can be beaten appropriately, otherwise he will not show his majesty. This is the case in Taiwan.

15. There is no meanest, only meaner.

16. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage, or money!

17. After graduation, I will take a big job and earn 300,000 yuan after the completion. I will take a look at the drawings and build a 40-meter chimney. It's all built, if someone comes to take a look, they'll beat me up! Damn, I looked at the drawings. They asked me to dig a well...

18. In four years of college, no girl has ever asked me for directions. Today, I drove my BMW back to my alma mater for the first time to do some errands. It took me a while. Five girls came to ask for directions...

19. I won’t tell you if I beat you to death.

20. Problems that money can solve are not problems.

21. You even believe the advertisements. You are stupid by reading!

22. No matter how difficult or dangerous it is, just treat yourself as a fool. No matter how difficult or dangerous it is, just treat yourself as a fool.

23. When you reach the top of the mountain, you realize that there is only a few steps between the wrong road and the right road.

24. Being angry is punishing yourself for the mistakes of others.

25. Go to Google and Baidu.

26. I would rather fight with someone who understands than say a word to SB!

27. A big woman cannot be without power for a day, and a little woman cannot be without money for a day!

28. Youth is dedicated to the house, and middle age is dedicated to the children.

29. There are two ways of cheating: one is a cheat sheet copied on paper, which may be discovered, and the result is to drop out of school; the other is a cheat sheet copied in the head, which is impossible to be discovered. The result was a scholarship. The meanest, but no meaner than the sad emotional phrases of love

1. I want to see clearly the past, and then look down upon the past. That's all!

2. Your world has nothing to do with me; in my world, you are only qualified to watch.

3. Happiness is not given by others, but is controlled by yourself.

4. Forgetting someone does not mean that you no longer think of it, but that when you think of it, there is no more waves in your heart.

5. I have seen thousands of people with hair like yours, Eyes like yours, but not your face.

6. It doesn’t matter if you don’t love me! I can always make you fall in love with me

7. Sister, you are so generous! I am very happy to fulfill your shameless happiness!

8. A person is just a person! It's okay, I'm fine!

9. I frequently change my signature for you, but you never take a look.

10. Don’t take the reason why I love you as a reason for you to be mean - you are not worthy.

11. My heart has been lost in your world

12. Say softly to yourself: I am fine, I don’t feel any pain!

13. The sky has cleared up after the rain, but when will my love clear up?

14. I am not as gentle as you want, nor as considerate as you want. I am full of dirty words. If you don’t love me, I don’t blame you.

15. Falling in love will not delay learning. If you find a good partner, it will make learning progress. What really delays learning is lovelorn and secret love.

16. Sometimes, what we miss is not time, but feeling

17. I love you because I like you. If I don’t like you, I won’t care. Take care of you!

18. I don’t have to compromise myself to please anyone. Besides, I’m not that great. Whether I like it or hate it, I don’t care.

19. I can bend down to tie your shoes. A better man is always better than a man who only helps you take off your clothes.

20. I don’t understand. The one you marry (marry) is not marrying (marrying). If you marry (marry), I will die!

21. Okay! It doesn't matter if you don't love me! There will always be a day when you regret it

22. When I don’t want you anymore, just squat in the corner and cry!

23. No matter how good things are, they will always expire. Love, too.

24. Isn’t it just lovelorn! Who has never been in love when he was young?

25. Your value to me is that I still love you now. When I stop loving you, you will have no value to me at all! Let’s talk about something a bit mean

Let’s talk about something a bit mean

1. The husband and his wife were sleeping on the bed. The husband saw that a hair of his daughter-in-law had fallen out, so he picked it up and put it away. to yourself. The daughter-in-law said: Why are you picking my hair? My husband said: Pretend that you are interrogating me and asking me where this hair comes from! She said seriously: Tell me honestly, where did this hair come from? The husband said calmly: It's from the pig

2. Mom, give me some money to spend! Why? Today is Children's Day! You little brat, who said I have to give you money on Children’s Day? No! But grandpa celebrates Qingming Festival and you all waste money!

3. The doctor said to the patient sincerely: If you want to live a longer life, then you really should quit smoking. Patient: It's too late to quit now. Doctor: How could that happen? It’s never too late to quit smoking! Patient: Well, then there’s no rush, haha.

4. I have been married for two years without having children. One day when I was shopping, I saw a pregnant woman passing by. I was a little envious and quickly showed my wife. My wife took one look and said: My belly is so big even after I’m full. I was speechless. .

5. My son was watching bears. I saw that the scene was winter, so I asked: Why don’t bears hibernate in winter? Son: How can I have time to film all day long?

6. Ordinary people like me really can’t enjoy the life of high-end people. Yesterday at a star hotel, the waiter at the door handed me a towel even though I had wiped my bowels and came out. I had no choice but to go back and wipe it again with a towel, fold it and return it to him. . .

7. A colleague drove a new BMW to work. An unmarried female colleague next to him asked who owned the BMW. The colleague said it belonged to his brother-in-law. After hearing this, she immediately asked: Does your brother-in-law have a partner? Please introduce me to him.

8. While shopping, I bought a scratch-off ticket and won four hundred. I happily ran home and told my wife. After we were happy for a long time, my wife said: Hand it over.

9. I brought my nephew to our company to play. My colleague Xiao Zhang enthusiastically gave my nephew some juice to drink. I said to my nephew: "Uncle brings you something good to drink. You have to tell your uncle." What? Unexpectedly, my nephew pointed at Xiao Zhang and said: Just having something to drink is not enough. Go and get me something delicious.

10. A neighbor’s child was 7 or 8 years old. When his grandfather passed away, his father burst into tears. His younger brother ran over and said to his father: Dad, you don’t have a father anymore. I can be your father. . . His father grabbed him and beat him up.

11. Received a call: Brother, I got into a fight with someone just now, please call 20 brothers over. Okay, what guy to bring? Buy some fruit baskets and make your apology sincere.

12. I met a manager of a construction company and told me: There is no project that our company cannot handle! Building buildings, installing elevators, laying ceramic tiles, anything related to construction! I asked weakly. Sentence: Brother, I want to install an elevator on Mount Everest, please give me a price! Manager: Me: If it doesn’t work, we can tile the Great Wall! It doesn’t matter how much you want

13. The miser’s wife is dead , the miser cried until he died. The person who expressed condolences was very moved and said to the miser: Looking at you, I know that you and your wife have a good relationship. Scrooge: Can it be bad? When she was alive, she would nag about everything every day, so I didn’t have to buy TV or radio. Now that she is dead, who will let me watch TV and listen to the radio for free?

14. I was watching TV with my wife at home during the holiday. She suddenly said to me, my dear, shall we never be separated in this life? I was so moved that I nodded, and I saw her clumsily taking a pear from behind and chewing it on her own. It was the first time I had ever experienced eating alone and talked about it in such a sensational way. Life is all a routine!

15. One day, my father and brother went to buy goods. When it was time for dinner, they went to a restaurant to eat. As soon as we entered the restaurant, my father shouted loudly: Boss, please bring two bowls of shaved noodles. After a while, the boss brought out two bowls of noodles. While eating, my brother looked at the menu posted on the wall of the restaurant. When he saw egg soup, pork rib soup...he said, "Dad, please give me a bowl of soup." My dad said loudly without raising his head: Boss, here’s a bowl of noodle soup.

16. Jiang Taigong was fishing. A passerby saw him and asked curiously: Why do you use a straight hook to fish? Jiang Taigong rolled his eyes at him and said: "You haven't studied physics, haven't you? Look at it, it will bend when you put it in the water!"

17. A man has been secretly in love with a girl for a long time. One day he finally got up the courage to confess his feelings to the girl. Man: Please accept my love and be my girlfriend? Woman: I'm sorry, I don't like you! Man: I had feelings for you when I first met you. Don't you have any feelings for me at all? Woman: Yes! Man: Thank God! Woman: It’s just that I feel like vomiting!

18. The doctor told me to hold my urine for color ultrasound at 3:30 in the afternoon. I was very obedient and couldn’t hold it in any longer. . . Sir, tell me what the twenty people in front of you are doing? You want to suffocate me to death! ! !

19. A girl’s boyfriend broke up with her because of her greed. I asked her: How are you feeling now? She said: My heart is broken like a crushed potato chip!

20. My cousin is hospitalized for surgery, and I will accompany him. At noon, the nurse took his temperature and asked him how many times he had urinated and defecated in 24 hours. He was drowsily asleep and asked: Does the urine that comes with you when you defecate count?

21. A new bathhouse opened nearby. The guests asked the boss: Why is there no water in the pool and no water in the shower? The boss said: The bathhouse I opened is a dry cleaning shop.

22. A man wanted to go to the train station, but he was lost. He asked a child carrying a schoolbag: Hello, kid, can you tell your uncle how you got to the train station? Child: My parents took me there.

Twenty-three, I went to buy Bao Yuxi and gave him 20 yuan. The boss insisted on 21 yuan. I had no choice but to open the cigarette and hand him one. I will never forget the look in the shop owner's eyes when he saw me leaving.

Twenty-four. When picking up the bride, he was blocked and asked the groom to kneel down and imitate the barking of a dog. The groom made up his mind, knelt down and shouted. The woman continued to make trouble and had to give 88888 to get in! Even after begging for a long time, the door wouldn't open. The groom was helpless and gritted his teeth and said: Go home and stop answering! So he really left! The woman was dumbfounded and hurriedly called the groom. The groom’s father answered the call and told the woman directly: Let the two children go to the Civil Affairs Bureau tomorrow to get the divorce certificate! The bride is miserable.

25. I met a female colleague on the way to work. The female colleague happily walked with me on the road carrying a newly bought mink bag. I pointed to her bag and she proudly said: Newly bought! I pointed to her bag again, and she said: It’s not expensive, only more than 20,000 yuan! I said: The mobile phone in your bag has been ringing for a long time. Are you deaf? !

26. Mrs. Li is 70 years old this year, and her wife has passed away many years ago. Not long ago, a neighbor wanted to introduce her to someone of a similar age. Mrs. Li asked her neighbor: What is his character like? The neighbor replied: There is absolutely no problem with your character! Mrs. Li then asked: How do you look? The neighbor replied: He is also very handsome! Mrs. Li asked again: Is it high? The neighbor replied: High, three high!

27. He who has more money goes home less; he who has more beauty wears less; he who has more ideas has less success; he who has more success has less longevity; he who studies more has less vision; he who has more vision has less peace. Having more lovers means less sleep, having more friends means less difficulties, and having more jokes means less depression.

Twenty-eight. After taking the train for 8 hours, I finally arrived home. This year I can finally spend the New Year with my parents. It seems that my parents don’t like me very much. As soon as I walked in, my parents said: What are you doing back? Still not back to the construction site? Me: I’ll celebrate the New Year with you when I come back! Dad got angry and said: It’s only May, why the hell don’t you want to go out to work?

29. I was a little nervous when I went to a restaurant with my girlfriend for the first time. My girlfriend ordered a cucumber salad. After the dish was served, I put a piece of cucumber on her plate and said, "Here, eat it while it's hot."

Thirty. Wife: The woman in front is very beautiful. Husband: I don’t think so! Wife: You lack aesthetic vision. Husband: Yes, so I often praise you for your beauty.

31. Picking up a mobile phone, the owner later sent me a message saying: I can give you the mobile phone, please return the card to me. Then I sent him a message back and said: I can give you the card, please. Bring me the charger! He agreed, and we made an appointment to meet in the park, and then I was beaten and my phone was gone.

Thirty-two. The second hand of the watch fell off with a hanging wire, so I took it for repair. After the repair was completed, I asked the watch repairman: Why did the second hand fall off for no reason? The master rolled his eyes and said: You are shaking too much, please change which hand to use next.

Thirty-three. Wife: Husband, the season has changed, and I want to buy clothes. Me: Are you obedient? Wife: Disobedient! Me: If you don’t obey, I won’t buy it for you. Wife: Then I will obey! Me: Be good and be obedient! We don't buy it. Wife: Ni sister, I don’t want to change the season anymore, I’ll change it for you. I dared to say: buy, buy, buy.

Thirty-four. My niece is over 4 years old and often makes surprising remarks. One day, her father watched a ghost movie in his arms, and the little niece probably didn't dare to sleep at night. After going in and out of the room several times, she looked at her parents, pointed at her father's nose and said: Today you sleep on the sofa, and I want to sleep with your wife!

35. I will never forget what the photographer said to me when we were taking pictures: Beauty, please stretch your neck forward as much as possible. We cannot repair double chins.

Thirty-six. I went to the doctor when I was sick. The doctor prescribed some medicine for me, but I didn’t want to take it because it was too painful. The doctor advised: How can you get better if you don't accept it? I was still dissatisfied and said stubbornly. Unexpectedly, he hit me with a brick on my head: Why the hell did you hit me! The doctor sneered and said: Haha, just treat all kinds of dissatisfaction.

37. During the physical examination and urine test, aren’t everyone given a small cup? Just drop a little in it. But I saw a young man holding a full glass in both hands. He walked up to the doctor with difficulty and carefully put down the glass. The doctor was an aunt, and she looked straight at him and said: Young man, are you here to toast?

Thirty-eight. Wife: Husband, go down and turn off the light. Husband: I have taken off all my clothes. Go down and turn it off. Wife: Oh, please close your eyes for a minute. Wife : Okay, I have taken off my clothes now, you can go down and lock me up.

39. I have never had a girlfriend before. When I see other people having girlfriends advising them to quit smoking, I think it is a wonderful thing. So I started smoking, waiting for the person who asked me to quit smoking to appear. Until many years later, I met my current partner by chance. I still remember that she was the first to say: Hey! Borrow a fire.

Forty, male: I like drinking coffee. Woman: I like drinking water. Man: I like playing CS. Woman: I like reading novels. Man: I like to see beautiful women. Woman: Me too. Man: We have the same thing in our headquarters. Woman: Yes. Man: Let me tell you, one time I bumped into a pillar just to look at a beautiful woman. Woman: What is this? In order to make it easier for me to see beautiful women, I even had sex reassignment surgery.

41. Hello, I live in room 816. The quilt in my room is a bit damp. Thank you for the compliment, sir. You are really discerning. This is indeed the latest model this year.

42. Accompanying my buddy on a blind date, she is a pure loser and won’t say anything when she sees a beautiful girl. As a result, the girl and I had a lively conversation. It was cold, and the girl sneezed. When I saw the opportunity, I poked my brother to express something. This guy scratched his head and scratched his head for a long time and said: When a dog sneezes, it will be sunny. . .

Forty-three, I went out alone and met a naughty kid selling flowers. . Child: Uncle, uncle, buy a flower for your sister. I:. . . It’s my brother. Child: Uncle, uncle, buy a flower for your brother. I. . . Those cheap networks

1. Mental patients have broad ideas, and mentally retarded children have a lot of fun

2. Since I blocked you, the Internet speed has become faster! ! !

3. Cheese is power - bacon

4. If you are well, it will be a bolt from the blue.

5. My quilt is sick today, and I have to stay in bed to take care of her.

6. Don’t shock the world with your coquettishness, but try to impress the world with your shamelessness

7. Many people rely on their faces to make a living, but I don’t, I rely on my mouth =. < /p>

10. Do you want the coffin to be straight or with a sliding cover?

11. For a girl like me, there is no way I can suppress my beauty without any weight.

12. Computer, don’t do this! Let me go, I am a person with homework! ! !

13. If my life were a movie, you would be the advertisement that popped up

14. I must have been homeless in my previous life, so I ended up living like this in this life.

15. Hello, I am away for something right now and will never be able to contact you in this life!

16. I have never met you, I have never met you, I have never met you, but I have passed by you, I have never met you, but I have no chance to know you, life is so wonderful!

17. I like the confident, proud, and beautiful version of myself, but I don’t like the inferior, sad, and unbeautiful version of myself that I am now! I always help others and disgust myself. Why do I suffer so much? It is better to disgust others and help myself.

18. One day, I will get used to your straightforwardness, and you will guess my duplicity. We looked at each other, smiled, held hands, and grew old together.

19. Human life is really short. I really want to cherish the present, but I can’t keep the past!

20. When you are with a person, if the energy he gives you is to make you wake up happy every day, sleep peacefully every night, and be full of motivation in everything you do, If you are full of expectations for the future, then you have not loved the wrong person. The most suitable relationship is never to torture each other in the name of love, but to accompany each other and become each other's sunshine.

21. I hope to have a job that is not boring, to meet a person who is not ugly when I am not very old, to have a leisurely love, and to have a wedding that is not noisy or noisy. , give birth to a lovely baby, live peacefully, and live my not-so-bad life. What I want has always been simple.

22. A person will meet about 29.2 million people in his lifetime, and the probability of two people falling in love is 0.000049. So if you don't love me, I don't blame you.

23. Life is just joking with me again and again. Although it is not a thrilling life, it still breaks my bones for a hundred days.

24. There is no direction in the heart, and there is escape wherever you go.

25. The only thing in the world that cannot be deceived is your own heart. It always exposes your joys and sorrows when you are least careful.

26. Have the courage to give up something for the life you want. There is no justice in this world, and you will never get the best of both worlds. If you want freedom, you have to sacrifice security. If you are idle, you cannot achieve the achievements that others evaluate. If you want to be happy, you don't need to care about the attitudes of people around you. If you want to move forward, you have to leave where you are.

27. When you have no choice and are under too much pressure, remember to smile at yourself in the mirror and say: I'm sorry, you have been wronged by following me, but I will definitely make you happy.

28. Don’t always evaluate your status in the hearts of others. Living in the eyes of others is equivalent to losing yourself.