Winter Solstice Arrival Prose

[一]

I wanted to call you, but I didn’t dare to speak. In the end, I could only watch you leave with tears in my eyes. I want to ask, am I really willing to let go like this? Since I can't keep it, I have to accept it. How long will you be lonely from now on? Who can give you such tenderness as me? Maybe I am overly worried. I will be happier if you leave me. But for me, who is weak, memories are enough. After we were separated, I would lower my head every time I thought of you and hold your hands tightly for an unknown amount of time. I believe you will also feel the same sadness and pain. You have loved someone deeply, but how can you let go? After leaving you, wanting to be happy is just a kind of imposition. No matter how a person lives, he will always be sad. Knowing how to possess may not make you stay for me. In the end, there was only regret, holding on to me and not letting go.

In winter like this, listening to this song, it is easiest to think of a person. You used to love each other very much, or maybe you hurt him or rejected him countless times, but he would still wrap you in his coat and hug you on a cold winter night, but he would still wait for you and care about how you were doing. Even after breaking up, even if you already have a new boyfriend, he will still walk by you on campus and pretend not to know you, humming "If he didn't still want to come back to you, I would have Just surrender to fate." Even if you reject him again, he will still write dense words of love for you in his space, and his space will still play the music of "Breathing Pain" that you put in when you were passionately in love. Yes, there are still photos of your intimate photos in the photo album. Everything has not changed for him, but for you, things have changed.

When you really want to greet him, you realize that no words can fill the gap of your desire, and no words can heal the wounds you gave him. You will constantly recall all the hurt you have caused him, and you will clearly see the way you turned away when he asked for a hug in front of you, but you will never know that he is holding a cigarette behind your back and watching you leave. What kind of expression does it have. What he said to others will continue to ring in your ears, "It doesn't matter who she loves, what matters is that I love her." You will find that a person has been waiting for you for one year, two years, or three years, and still remains the same. posture. But your sworn waiting has turned into a bubble.

You finally fulfilled your vows and dreams in the arms of another person, and you finally gave your warmth to someone who was not him.

　[二]

It is not terrible for a man to have no sense of responsibility. It is not terrible to have a sense of responsibility without being aware of it. It is terrible to have a sense of responsibility that is not only unconscious but also proud of it. A man is not sad if he has no money, and he is not sad if he has no money and does not want to make money. What is sad is that he plans to talk about your love and future without any sense of responsibility. She swears love to you but never thinks about how to pay for the future of this love. When you fall in love with such a man, you will become the saddest woman in the world.

This man takes ten or twenty yuan from his parents who earn a meager income every day to take you online, buy you cigarettes, water, and snacks, and then pinches your face and says he wants to accompany you. Have Christmas. If you tell him that you want him to find a job, there will be an inevitable quarrel. Then he will cry and say that you think he is poor. No matter how much you say to him, he still doesn't understand. While you were typing out the dense text for him, he was playing online games next to you. He couldn't see the deep sadness in your eyes. He doesn't want to accompany you to read a book. He is waiting for your store to open again so that he can develop the same photography hobby as you. He doesn't understand the empty and cold loneliness in your heart. He will be tired of being on you, needing huge warmth, he will be sweating profusely, your hands and feet will be cold, accompanied by pain in your lower abdomen, and there will be no pleasure. He held your hand and walked through the windy and cloudy day. At most, he put your hand in his pocket, but never wrapped you in his thick coat. He will cook you a table of delicious meals, and then look at your smiling face with pleasure. At this time, a rare smile will appear on your face. He would let you put your feet on him to warm your feet when he stayed up all night, or when you had a fever, he would make ginger soup for you, feed you medicine, take your temperature, and wipe your body with alcohol. Body, at these times, the sour emotions spread from the heart, and the eyes often burst into tears.

But in the end, he failed to find a normal position and lived a marginal life with you. You didn’t dare to say it too many times when you were hungry, for fear of hurting his self-esteem. You fell in love with the new clothes on a certain website and were reluctant to buy them. The remaining money was enough for you to live for a month, and sometimes you even asked for one during your period. People go home to get sanitary napkins.

Isn’t this kind of life bitter? Have you never thought about leaving this man? But you still can't let go of your dependence and love for him.

　[三]

You can look at the falling snowflakes aimlessly, never reaching out to catch them, just whispering to them, "Do you love me?" They never answer you. When the aunt pushing a bicycle passing by looked at you in surprise, you asked the aunt the same thing again, but you were so frightened that she quickened her pace and almost slipped. You don't have to be filled with joy for your pranks, because there has never been a person in this world who can express his love to you in a heart-warming way. Even if you do, you will eventually be forced to retreat by your indifference. You have rejected people thousands of miles away, how can you keep them? What's the point of holding someone's hand to keep him after giving him a scarred body? The most undisciplined regret in this world is to let go.

I let go of a hand that was covered in sores due to your ice, and took a hand that was covered with thorns that made you bleed. This is already your choice. There is no retreat. From now on, you will end your happiness and sadness on your own. Love is also the love you think you want. In the future, you will be happy and miserable alone.

[四]

You have rich experience in breaking up. You know that a breakup is no one's fault. He left you because you didn't know how to cherish him, and you left him because he didn't know how to hold you tightly. If he is confused by a third party, it means that you are not devoted enough in love; if you are confused by a third party, it means that he has lost the charm of attracting you.

[Wu]

About loneliness, you have always been lonely. When you don't love, you feel lonely because your heart is empty; when you love, because your expectations are constantly disappointed, you are even more lonely than not loving.

[Lu]

About loneliness, you have always been lonely. You always dress up like a shining firefly in a lively way, and you are afraid of being forgotten. But it still gradually fades and disappears in some people's memories. The way you comfort yourself is, "I'm not lonely, I'm just a person. My world is lively enough by myself."

　[淒]

Regarding friends, you There are only a handful of them. Anyone who intrudes into your world becomes your friend. But there are so few people willing to enter your world, and there are only so few friends. Your heart is like a darkened cinema after the show, with two or three people on the seats who are reluctant to leave.

[8]

Regarding your lover, you seem to have countless things, but in fact you have nothing.

Those people covet your youth and ignorance, and say words that warm you: "I love you more than anyone who says they love you." "You are a good girl, I really mean it." I feel sorry for you." "I want to live in your castle and be your only king." "I'm willing to wait, no matter how long it takes." "Why don't you believe me? "My dear, today is the beginning of summer, and I will never leave you again every summer."... You spent your grand years for this, rushing to the date you had to go to, and staying alone. , moved to tears. It’s the green years that no one cares about.

Countless sweet words pile up into a wall of sighs, which cannot be knocked down no matter how powerful you are. In the end, the faces of those people withered away in time, and the remaining warmth continued to sublimate your beautiful memories. And the one who has been with you until now is the one who said it was summer

but stayed with you until winter. The shadow of the season gradually changes from thick warmth to thin coldness. The gaps in the years are filled with your happiness, sadness, happiness and loneliness. The gorgeous movement stretches out the quiet ending, which is never ended and never completed.

　[玖]

Regarding growth, you always think that you have grown up, but you still have the face of a child. You always feel that after experiencing so many stories, you are already an adult. But there are always new stories happening in this world that you have never experienced before. In each story, you feel more and more insignificant, like a baby.

[Shi]

You smoke. Because you like the faint bitter taste of tobacco, you like to feel the blooming flames and the extinguishing sparks, and you like to watch the faint flames of the cigarette butts chasing the ground from high altitude with the remaining flames.

You drink. Because you think that no one will take what you say under the influence of alcohol seriously. Under the influence of alcohol, you can see the happiness you want to see.

You sing. Because you like to listen to your loud but lonely voice under the dark blue night sky. Simple English makes you deeply feel the warmth of the dependence between lips and teeth.

You dance. Because you like to forget the pain in the noisy rhythm of the music and sweat profusely in an instant. It is a greater pleasure than having sex.

[十一]

You always look forward to the equal value of realizing your dreams and obtaining happiness. You don't want to go with the flow and stubbornly go against it. You didn't turn into a swallowtail butterfly after being bruised and bruised.

Honey, tell me, do you feel pain? Is your persistence worth it? Why, why don't you answer me?